My journey...

Everyone is on a search for Romantic love. The otherday, a school friend whom I have not spoken to for a long long time called me out of the blue. First question is "how are you?" (obviously) and then followed by "Are you married"? After finding out that I am not, next question was, "Why not?" My school friends all seem to think that I will be one of the first to be married. I have no idea why. But we are all in the search for love. Success according to the world is when you have a good job and then start your own family. Then you have it made. But is that all to life? Are we measured by our success in being able to find romantic love? If you can't find it by a certain age, then there must be something wrong with you.

I can't say that I was not subjected to that pressure. Sometimes I wonder if I will have my own family. But I trust that God is my match maker. Last Sunday, George Martinez (our speaker) said "Do you believe that God is in control of the events happening in the world? Do you believe that God is in control of your life?"

If we can trust God with our career and other things why not our life partner? That He will know the right time and have the right person. I don't dent that many times, I try to choose whom will suite me best but everytime, I will tell God that if that person is not for me, then let the relationship not go further. It hardly ever did.

This is when my emotions always gets in the way of my will. My emotion says I want a relationship and want to start my own family but I still want His will to be done. Patience starting to run out.

Read something written by Fleming H. Revell 1916. See to it that your will is in God's hands, that your inward self is abandoned to His working, that your choice, your decision, is on His side; and there leave it. Your surging emotions, like a tossing vessel at anchor, which by degrees yield to the steady pull of the cable, finding themselves attached to the mighty power of God by the choice of your will, must inevitably come into captivity, and give in their allegience to Him; and you will sooner or later verify the truth of the saying that, "if any man will do His will he shall know of the doctrine".

This is so true. Our emotion and our will (of wanting His will be done) seems to always be in tension. Three times, I want relationship to take fruit but surrendered it to Him and He wont allow it to happen. Of course I will be saddened for awhile but if it is not His will, then I know that I will not be happy with it. But I can assure you that when you are wanting it to happen, it takes a struggle for me to let go. But now that time has passed, I can see why He did not allow it to happen. As we surrender our will to God, He will honor that and guide our path. In my journey in life, its filled with a series of surrendering and trusting. I hope that I will not have to go through this heartache again.

In the world, people search everywhere for that romantic love. In His Kingdom, He is our match-maker. He has his perfect timing for everything. This is my decision. I am trusting in Him for my soul mate. I know my emotions will run wild again but I will for His will in my life.

Last weekend I went to Kluang (my first time to this town) with a couple of friends (whom I won't usually spend time with) to supposedly minister at the youth group there. For me, it was a great time away. It was quite refreshing just visiting another youth group. Getting to know my friends better. Had spiritual formation just spending time with my friends. We also had fat formation as we ate and ate and ate. The food was cheap and yummy. The original Kluang Railway Station coffee, half boiled eggs, nasi lemak, bun wif kaya... then the cendol, apam balik, yum....

This week, I took some of the youth and the youth leaders to Sunway Lagoon. Again, it was just great spending time and being with people. Not to mention that I had fun at Sunway. It was a pity that there were so few who came but even if it was just for one to have felt loved that people would spend time with him/her, it would be worth it.










It is good to get away from the mundane work to just spend time with people because they are the ones who matter. Time is never wasted even if it is just doing nothing with people. Jesus came to spend time with people. No motive needed. Not because we want anything from them. Just to be with them. This is good for the soul.

I watched the movie racing stripes on Astro the other day. It is rather interesting. It talks about a zebra who grew up with race horses and thought that he is a race horse. His ambition is to race and to be the fastest runner. Then oneday, he finds that he is actually a zebra, he wanted to give up his ambition cause zebras don't race.

It sort of reminds me about us human beings. Often times we give up easily cause we do not see our potential in God. Discouragement comes and we loose sight of who we are in God. We are just human beings. Who are we that He would use us? I am not born for great things. Look at me? I am just a zebra not a race horse. How can I win in that race track? There are so many born winners. They have the looks and training. Perhaps better qualified. When we realise who we are in God, it is not us who can do great things but God in us that works together with us. It is not about our qualification but our heart.

You would have guessed the story. The zebra races and wins in the end. We are who God made us to be. We cannot look at our past or background and measure who we are by it. We are who God says we are. His beloved son/ daughter. There may be lots of discouragement and judgements from people around us. You are not smart enough. You are too fat. You are too thin. You are too young. You are too naive. You are too stupid. But as we hang on to know who we are in God, let that be the foundation in our lives that we measure our worth. We can do great things because of God in us. He uses the weak to shame the strong. Allow God to shape who we are.

Another statement from that movie which spoke to me. The race horses were all making fun of the zebra cause he is not like them and the zebra's friend encouraged him with this words "They are afraid of anyone that is different." This is so true. Society today will try to make us to conform to it. If you are different in conduct, thought or character, you would be the talk of the town. Unfortunately the church is the biggest culprit in this. Everyone is made to act the same. When you become a Christian, you have to now be "one of us". There are so many pairs of eyes that search to judge you when you are "out of line". Perhaps this is the reason why so many christians are hurt by the "church". People who judge them just cause they are "different". Is it time we embrace people for who they are and not be afraid of confrontation in their different ideas and characters? We are so confortable in the way "church" has become that any form of change seems to be a threat. Of course this is not true of some churches but church in general. If someone of a different orientation say a gay person (and I don't mean "happy") comes into the church, do we try to fix that person up to be "one of us" before he is accepted into our community?


In my journey in life, I have seen so many who have been hurt not by the people outside of church but sadly by those in the church in the name of "righteousness". People who seem to be more righteous than others which then give them the right to be the judges in church. Are we then any different from the religious leaders in the days of Jesus?

Help me Lord not to be afraid of people just cause they are different but to embrace them like you would. I know that it may be hard to. I need your help Lord. Perhaps it is a dream that would never come true in my life time that the church on a whole will be what God has intended it to be but I can try to live a life that is a reflection of His kingdom. I am not there yet with my life but cause me to get closer to living out that Kingdom of God by the day. Dream along with me?

One of my closest friend read my blog and made a comment. "You can really make sense of life?"

Of course I cannot. How can life make sense. Trying to live out the Kingdom in this un-Kingdomic world. At times, it was even cruel to me. Even things of the Kingdom seem to not make sense. What I have believed in for such a long time I find that I have to un-learn and re-learn. But I serve a God who knows everything and I just trust in Him that He will lead me and guide me in my journey. My confidence is not in myself but it is in Him. He is the constant in this life where everything around me can change. I know that I will make a lot of wrong choices and decisions. Perhaps decisions that are not good for me. I have the confidence that God will help me make the right ones if I leave the choice to Him. I will still try to live out His kingdom in this un-kingdomic world even though life seems to be unfair to me and people try to take advantage. No it does not make sense. Call me an idealist. But this I know. I serve a living God. A God who will guide me through this journey of mine.

The steps of a goodman are ordered by the Lord. I believe it. Do you?

Read Luke 8:22-25. The story about Jesus calming the storm. It was Jesus who told the disciples to get into the boat. On their journey there was this huge storm.

Sometimes in our journey, we may know that God has called us to a certain direction but it does not mean that there are no storm. Along our journey in which God has called us into, we will come in contact with storms. Yet He promised us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. Even when we are sure that what we are doing is God's will for us, it does not mean that life is smooth sailing.

Later, the disciples woke Jesus and told Him that they were going to drown. Then Jesus calmed the storm and asked them "Where is your faith?". In our journey in life, the storms that comes our way is an opportunity for us to exercise our faith. Through each storm in my life, I find that as I exercise my faith, my faith increases in God. I appreciate Him even more. Perhaps God uses storms to teach us how to trust and rely upon Him. To show us the reality of who He is. Sometimes, God requires us to calm our own storms. To go through storms on our own. This will help us in becoming more like Christ. To be part of expressing that Kingdom of God on earth.

As we learn our lessons in going through our storms, we can also stand beside others who will be having their own storms. Encouraging one another in our community.

I believe in our journey in life, faith increases as we are serving God on a daily basis. As he reveal a little of Himself to us each day. Each step it causes me to be more in awe of who He is as I work together with Him through my storms.

Yesterday I was having tea with some of my friends. It was rather interesting. They are a bunch of "intellects" and were talking about "matters" which I shall not even mention (just cause I cannot remember the terms and I would not know how to spell them let alone know what they mean). They spoke about things like the reformed church, post colonial, authors of books etc. I was in awe not just because of their knowledge but because there is still so much that I do not know and I find that just sitting there listening to them speak, I have gained somemore understanding about the Kingdom of God. I tried to look beyond the Big terms and look at the heart of what they were sharing. The jist of what they were trying to say. I guess one will never know everything about the Kingdom but I find that in my journey, these little moments where God reveals a little bit more about His Kingdom to me puts me in awe of who He is. Now I have something new to ponder about Him.

I am glad that there are people who knows so much about christianity. Who knows what all those big terms means. It challenges me to think. I am also glad that I do not need to know what those big terms mean for me to be accepted by God. I am glad that He is a God that is relevant to every walk of life. To those intellect and to the simple minded. His love for us is unconditional.

That's the beauty of His community. We may have different viewpoints about petty issues but at the end of the day, its the love for God and the desire for His Kingdom to come and His will to be done that really matters.

I was just reading an article about how God closes the doors in our journey in life to guide us. So that we do not walk in the wrong directions. "The reason why God close the door is because He has nothing for us there"

So often we want to have things done our way. We want to organise our own lives and when God closes the door that we want to walk through, we will often fall into saddeness or even depression. It is not fair that we cannot walk through that door that seems so enticing. We may often blame God. But just like a loving dad who is strict with his children because He knows what is best for us, He will not allow us to walk through the closed door unless we force it open and insist that we want our way.

There has been many closed doors in my life and with every closed door, there came a saddness cause it was the way in which I wanted to walk in. For example, I wanted to stay in Australia after my studies and built my life there. I wanted a relationship to work so badly but never did happen. There are many things that I wanted but never did have. I could not understand each time the door was closed. Of course I was sad. I even prayed for the door to be opened but nothing happened. I am slowly begining to see why. God wanted me here in Malaysia and He has a purpose for me. That person was probably not the right person for me to have.

God help me recognise the closed doors in my life and to be thankful that you love me so much to close those doors even though it may hurt me. My heart may be broken. Help me also see the open doors that you have for me and to give thanks in the journey of my life. To trust you with All things.


In this journey of mine
He will be my guide
when I begin to strive
or when I want to hide
He will be by my side
In this journey of mine

In this journey of mine
In Him I want to abide
By faith I walk with Him by my side
I know I am His pride
He will be my guide
In this journey of mine

Been pondering on the verse "The pure in heart shall see God"

Who are the pure in heart? Who can achieve that purity in heart? What does it really mean? A heart that is without blemish or sin? Whose heart can be without blemish or sin? Even after we are saved, we do not instantly become "angels". Living a life that is like Christ in every aspect. I do try to but many times I do fail.

Just like the apostle Paul who said "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

According to the dictionary, Pure means free from impurites. Free of extraneous elements of any kind. Free from dust or dirt. Eg, pure water. In spiritual sense free from sin or impure thoughts or intentions?

Perhaps it is our state of devotion to Him? Not something to be achieve but our desire to want to please God in all our ways? I do not have the answer. But I know that by my own strength I cannot do it. To be pure. I thank God that I am loved and accepted by Him just the way I am. My hearts desire is to follow Christ as closely as I can. I know that I will at times fail in my character but that is OK. God will still accept me when I get back to seek Him and His heart. My Christian walk is a journey. Learning new things all the time. Being made to be more like Christ on the way. Truly I desire to see God. But all I can do now is walk closely to Him.

I am not saying that it is ok to walk in sin cause He accepts us as we are. I am also learning about the fear of the Lord. It also says "the fear of the Lord is the begining of all wisdom". Learning the joy in fearing the Lord.

At the end of it, it all boils down to our relationship with the Almighty.

I thank God that I do not have to strife in my journey. He will gently guide my path. The steps of a goodman are ordered by the Lord. Thank God for Jesus who showed us the way. That it is possible.

I pray that I will not stray away from Him but walk so closely that I can hear His heartbeat. Perhaps then my heart will beat with His.

Went to Genting with a group of people whom I dun usually hang out with. I had a great time. It was good to get to know them better. Supposedly to go there to watch Jim Brickman's concert. Did not know who he is till the day before the concert. I really enjoyed the songs. Can't say much about the singers. I love the piano since young though I can't play it. I love the sound of it. I am a romantic at heart. So the songs are just .... my type of "emo" songs.

Lately, I have developed a passion for taking photos. There was once when I was in Fraser's Hill, I remember I was alone in my expedition to take pics, then all of a sudden, I was so overwhelmed by God's presence. It was just an excellent time enjoying taking pictures in His presence. Appreciating His creation. Since then everytime I take pictures, I appreciate so much more the detailed beauty of His creation.