My journey...
Monday, February 20, 2012
You will be normal again
"Where is Rabbi?"
"Who are you asking for Jan? Did you want Daddy?"
"No. Where is Rabbi?" Jan uttered again. Jan is just 20 and have been suffering from a cancer relapse for 5 months now. She is so frail and weak yet still so cheerful for someone who has been battling with cancer. It was her last night on earth and she requested to be on the oxygen mask because she has been having difficulty breathing.
Thinking that the oxygen is making her hallucinate, her mother tried to change the subject. This is the first time that she has ever heard her say the word "Rabbi".
"Jan, do you want a drink?"
"Yes please. Can I have lemonade?"
Unsuccessful in finding her favorite drink, she got her an ice-lollie.
"This is yummy Mummy. How about my friends? Do they have ice-lollies too?"
It was in the middle of the night and there was no one else in the room except for the two of them.
"Your friends?" Asked her mummy in a state of confusion
"Yes my friends. Did you give them ice-lollies too"
Thinking that her daughter is again hallucinating, she again changed the subject.
After a while, Jan began to utter
"I do not know what is happening but I trust You"
She said this a couple of times and each time, it became more affirmative. Her mummy was scared of that statement by now cause she herself do not know what is happening. She could just say "Do you trust in Jesus Jan?"
"When I wake up, will I be normal again?" was her next words. You see, Jan has had bone cancer in her knee since she was 12 years old and she have not been able to run or jump like other kids. She cannot run after the bus like them. She cannot play like "normal" kids.
And then again, she said "I do not know what is happening but I trust You". She must have uttered that for not less than seven times.
Then, her last words were, "Thank you mummy. My eye-lids are heavy and I will sleep now." She never woke up after that.
Jan is my cousin who passed away just about more than a week ago. I will always remember her smile and her quiet yet confident nature. Her life her encouraged me to to run my race more fervently. Knowing that there is a great cloud of witnesses up there and that God is in control. She has said before that she has lost hope that God will heal her yet she has not given up on her faith. I know that she is "normal" now. She can run all she wants and jump to her hearts desire. We believe that she has met with the "Rabbi" himself. Jesus and that she was having a conversation with Him before she went to be with him. God in his grace let us listen in on their conversation to give us that hope and assurance and comfort.
We do not understand why there is suffering and why we cannot avoid painful situations. Perhaps because we live in a fallen world. Yet God can use these situations to grow faith and life for himself and we know that we can trust in a God who will never fail us no matter what the outcome may be. We will miss Jan but perhaps it is best for her to be with Him and we can say that it is well with our soul.
"Who are you asking for Jan? Did you want Daddy?"
"No. Where is Rabbi?" Jan uttered again. Jan is just 20 and have been suffering from a cancer relapse for 5 months now. She is so frail and weak yet still so cheerful for someone who has been battling with cancer. It was her last night on earth and she requested to be on the oxygen mask because she has been having difficulty breathing.
Thinking that the oxygen is making her hallucinate, her mother tried to change the subject. This is the first time that she has ever heard her say the word "Rabbi".
"Jan, do you want a drink?"
"Yes please. Can I have lemonade?"
Unsuccessful in finding her favorite drink, she got her an ice-lollie.
"This is yummy Mummy. How about my friends? Do they have ice-lollies too?"
It was in the middle of the night and there was no one else in the room except for the two of them.
"Your friends?" Asked her mummy in a state of confusion
"Yes my friends. Did you give them ice-lollies too"
Thinking that her daughter is again hallucinating, she again changed the subject.
After a while, Jan began to utter
"I do not know what is happening but I trust You"
She said this a couple of times and each time, it became more affirmative. Her mummy was scared of that statement by now cause she herself do not know what is happening. She could just say "Do you trust in Jesus Jan?"
"When I wake up, will I be normal again?" was her next words. You see, Jan has had bone cancer in her knee since she was 12 years old and she have not been able to run or jump like other kids. She cannot run after the bus like them. She cannot play like "normal" kids.
And then again, she said "I do not know what is happening but I trust You". She must have uttered that for not less than seven times.
Then, her last words were, "Thank you mummy. My eye-lids are heavy and I will sleep now." She never woke up after that.
Jan is my cousin who passed away just about more than a week ago. I will always remember her smile and her quiet yet confident nature. Her life her encouraged me to to run my race more fervently. Knowing that there is a great cloud of witnesses up there and that God is in control. She has said before that she has lost hope that God will heal her yet she has not given up on her faith. I know that she is "normal" now. She can run all she wants and jump to her hearts desire. We believe that she has met with the "Rabbi" himself. Jesus and that she was having a conversation with Him before she went to be with him. God in his grace let us listen in on their conversation to give us that hope and assurance and comfort.
We do not understand why there is suffering and why we cannot avoid painful situations. Perhaps because we live in a fallen world. Yet God can use these situations to grow faith and life for himself and we know that we can trust in a God who will never fail us no matter what the outcome may be. We will miss Jan but perhaps it is best for her to be with Him and we can say that it is well with our soul.
posted by Janelle at 10:07 PM
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