My journey...

I read this in my devotion today and thought I should share... since I get blessed by it...

No matter how much we desire perfection and completeness, we need to embrace the fact of our limitations. In our broken world, things are less than what we would like them to be. And our own imperfections are writ large on all that we do. This need not drive us to despair. Nor should it prevent us from purposeful activity. We can still do what we must even when a totally satisfactory conclusion eludes us.

Nouwen reminds us that 'there is no such thing as clear-cut pure joy'. Our experience of love, no matter how loyal or ecstatic, is marked by selfishness and pain. Even our spiritual experiences do not yield the fruit of perfection. These experiences are frequently marred by doubt and guilt.

Such is our lot. We reach for the sky, but cannot inherit the earth. We long for the good, but frequently produce something that is a pale version of our best intentions. We are like a beautiful princess with feet of clay or like a powerful prince with a physical impediment. Made for God's highest intention, we sometimes fritter away our calling and opportunities. Made for greatness, we easily become side-tracked by our success and power. A profound sadness thus underlies our life.

But our sadness can be turned into joy. This is not a joy that comes from a perpetual striving but a joy that comes in the midst of our pain. It's the of being loved in spite of our imperfections. It's the joy that comes from forgiveness. It's the joy that comes as a gift that we don't deserve. It's the joy that comes as a surprise in spite of ourselves.

Thus in the midst of our pain we can celebrate. In the midst of our broken world we can still dance.

I was suddenly reminded of a song which I have not sang for a long long while. Give Thanks. When I sang this song a long time ago, I remembered the thoughts that would flood my mind. I used to thank Him for what I had. For my car. For the money I had. For the things which I do not lack. Everytime I sang t his song (And it was very often that this song was sung), these will be my thoughts.

But today, as I sang it, my eyes were filled with tears. I no longer have my health. (At least for now). In fact, some days, I cannot even get out of bed. No longer can I buy what I wanted without thinking. Have to be careful with every cent I spend. Feeling like a Job, yet God reminded me to give thanks. Not because of what I had as possessions but because of Christ. Of the hope I have in Him. He has my heart and I have His.

It is difficult to give thanks in such circumstances. To thank Him for the hope I have when I can hardly see the light at the end of the tunnel. When I am walking in the valley. When I am in the desert place and there is no oasis in sight. Yet I shall Praise Him cause He is who He is. I shall still give thanks for I know these moments are precious to Him. Cause I know I am precious to Him.

I give thanks not because of what I have but because of what I have in Him. Of who I am in Him. He gave me the peace that surpasses all understanding. "He will keep me in perfect peace cause my hope and trust is in Him".

It's Father's day and of course we can't forget our Daddy in Heaven. So often we project our understanding of father to God. Understanding fatherhood, often from the view of our father, that is our understanding of God. He is a God whom we cannot comprehend. So He has to make us understand Him through our worldly understanding and knowledge. God choose an analogy of Father and son because the relationship between father and son is much closer than God and his people. When one says God loves his people, it does not mean much to us. But when one says God loves us as His son, it brings us so much closer to Him.

Yet, in the story of the prodigal son, Jesus tries to breaks the Jewish understanding of father and paints a picture of a father that is not their understanding of what a father should be. We should not limit God to what we understand fatherhood to be. I was contemplating upon this parable and noticed that the son after being with the swine for sometime, thought about his father's home and how his father's servants has more than what he has. So he was wanting to go back to serve in his father's house as a servant. He thought about what he was to say. Probably, he has to start off with something that would "buy" his father's heart. That is to say he was sorry and then ask for a favour once he has his dad on his side. After all, this is a trick that through many generations, children has been using. Say something that our parents wants to hear so that they discipline us less and hoping that it would soften their hearts so that we can get our way. This son wanted a job. A job that is better than staying with pigs.

But before he can say what he has rehearsed for so long, the father who saw him a long way away, ran to meet him. A man with stature and of age does not run. He has to probably hold up his robe to run to his son. Humiliating himself so that he can embrace his son. His son could be coming back to ask for more money or to hurt the father. He, the father does not know the motif of the son yet it does not matter. He is just glad to see him. His love for him is unconditional. So projects the love of the Father to us. Unconditional. It does not matter what we did. What our motif is for coming to Him. He will go all out to embrace us cause He cannot help Himself.

The love of the father caused the son to repent and caused him to change his attitude. The son did said what he recited... but only the first part. The part where he focused upon his own need does not seem important anymore. He did not ask the father if he can be a servant in his house. He just was sorry for what he did. Genuine repentance. A repentance that was touched by the love of the father.

When the realisation of the Father's love touch our hearts, it changes us. Caused us to see beyond our situation. Beyond our needs. Caused us to be able to rest in His arms.

Breaking the mindset of what a father should be. Poised, Authoratative, strict. Breaking the mindset of what unconditional love is. May we also get a revelation of this love in our life. A love that cause us to see God in a different light. Happy Father's Day.

I read in the Singapore Straits Times, about how much church workers earn and that one of the church employee earn $500,000 last year. Their church could raise in one Sunday $19 Million for their church building. Who says that the Kingdom of God is poor and those who work for His kingdom often are called the "poor church mouse". I guess the church mouse in this church are far from poor. If you go to their website, they seem to be hiring. Unfortunately, no job positions which I can apply for :(

I have been contemplating for a long time whether to continue on with my further studies in The Seminary. It has been two years since I have stopped and just could not make myself to continue on. But at last, I have finally decided it was time I pursue this and I am so glad that I did. I took "Biblical Interpretation" taught by Dr Lim Kar Yong and it was so good. It gave me a new passion for the Word. Seriously, the bible is so much more interesting. I salute all you Biblical scholars out there. You who have spent hours and hours doing reserch just so ordinary folks like me could pick off your "Brain".

This class we learnt exegetical methods, looked at historical cultural context and how it influences your veiw in reading the bible, applications etc. I must admit, the terms are very confusing and sometimes, most times mind blowing. But the result that you get is worth it. To find out the real meaning behind what the author intended when he was writing the book and the cultural and historical background. Really makes you see the word in a different light.

Dr.Lim made the class so interesting and often it was like listening to a sermon rather than teaching. Maybe that is his way of teaching. It is people like him that encourages me to grow deeper in my theology understanding. They inspire me. Hee hee. He has a blog. All theologeans seem to blog.

I read one of the comments an old friend of mine made on facebook. "Organised religion is for people who fear going to hell. Spirituality is for people who have gone to hell and back". She has had a tough life. She was a Christian but I guess the church was not with her in her time of need or crisis. It is so sad for someone who came from an "Organised religion" background to make such a comment. Where is the community and the love that we are to show? The people whom we are to embrace? Sometimes we tend to focus too much on evangelism that we are proud of the number of people we have in the church but what are we doing with the people who are already in the church? Do we even care for their well being? Do we even know where they live? Of course we know if they are single or married. That is the first thing people check out. Then of course the church members would "match make" the single with another. But do we know his/her struggles?

Often when someone is struggling, we would just push them to another "counselor" cause it is her job and never to embrace the person again until the person is "whole".

The other day, a friend of mine called me to say that he discovered that his cat (Bless him for owning a cat), delivered kittens but he found them all dead in the house. He was so upset. Me in my auto mode immediately tried to comfort him by saying "Try to look at the bright side". Such a cliche thing to say. Then after that try to avoid the subject altogether. Then I realised all this person needed was someone to hear him and to share his sorrows. To understand where he is and to have someone listen to him. We are quick to give answers in church and often not the solution that they are looking for. But we think we have "done our Job". Never wanting to give up that which is the most important to a hurting person. Time and love and acceptance.

Do we even dare to look outward if the inward is slipping away. It is like saying "God, I have another soul saved for you. Heaven must be rejoicing" but meanwhile, 10 more slip away through the back. I need to make a conscious afford to listen and to love. It is definitely not easy but it is definitely what Christ would want for us to do. Religion is not so that we fear to go to hell. It is about our journey of faith and obedience. It is about bringing hope to those who feel that they are living "hell" on earth. Showing them the Kingdom. Being His hands and His feet. God help me.

I just came back from our church camp. Probably this is one year that I have no expectations of it. Someone asked me so what do you expect out of camp... I cannot even remember what I answered. However, I did enjoy myself and God did speak to me.

I hung out with people whom I do not usually hang out with and it was really good. People whom we see in church but never really talk to. When you look around, you can see family. *sob* *sob*. It's quite a sight. The young and the old... they hung out together.

The message really spoke to me too. Its about intimacy and holiness. Many of us would have felt tired from serving over the years in the church and for some of its its because our serving is out of "duty" and not out of an intimate relationship with God.

There was a challenge to live a holy life. Not to quench the Holy Spirit in us. To watch what we say and do and what we allow into our lives. "Be Holy for He is Holy". We are not completely holy for if we are, as the speaker says, our name will be "GOD". We do however try to be. Not on own own strength but as we become intimate with Him, our character will change. Our mindset will change. It is so hard though... to set a standard for yourself. Especially in this day and age. It is not only about being different. It is about being holy. Being who He wants us to be. We have been too laid back in this matter.


Another thing which I got from the camp is that the purposes and the promises of God never change. That is both a comfort and an assurance. Having gone through so much in the past few years, God is still in control. More and more my confidence and my faith has been increasing. Maybe the wounds are healing. I can see a glimmer of light in the horizon. I have my ideas of what things are suppose to be but those ideas are smashed now. There is an excitement of what is to come. It's like going on one of those rides in movie world or disney land. Not knowing what will come next. It may be a sudden drop or a slow cruise but it will be a ride with Him in control. It does not matter so much what the end will look like anymore as long as the journey is with Him. It was a good camp.