The bible mentions a lot about love. God is love. We must do things in love. If not we are like a resounding gong and clashing cymbal.Just produces noise. But do we really understand what is love.

Love is never controlling. I am reminded of our freedom. How God gives us the freedom to live. Freedom to choose our own path. Won't it be easier if He directs all our path. If he does not give mankind a choice. Then perhaps the world will not be in the state that it is in right now. But it is because He loves us, He does not control us. Yet have we learnt that. Even in the church, leaders try to control their "Disciples". You have to come for this meeting. You have to get 3 people saved this year. You have to evangelize. It is the command of the bible. You have to this you have to that. For it is good for you. It is commanded in the bible. Even to the point of what we wear. You have to come in your best dress..... and Jesus changed before he ministered to the people for he has to look presentable. The clothes He wore was simply very dirty from all the walking that He did in the sandy roads. I never once read that it mattered.

Love does not do anything out of selfish motive. Yet many a times we find that even in my life we do things that suit us. We do things that make us look good. That makes our ministry stand out. So that I am satisfied. Doing things my way. Even in the success of a ministry. We rejoice because we did a good job or because many was blessed by it.


Love is sacrificial. We always look to the better of the other person. Not our own needs. But do we understand that love is sacrificial? As human, we fight for OUR rights. Even if we go to a restaurant and we are not being treated fairly, we demand an apology. In church, we wait to be served than to serve. Have you ever complained why the toilets in church are so dirty? Why the coffee is not hot enough? Why the carpets are so dirty? Have you ever offered to clean the toilets, wash the carpets, boil water? If someone needs a lift home but lives 30 minutes away from where you live, do still offer a lift? Do we give praises to people. Serve yet do not expect anything back in return?

It is easy to say I love you but difficult to live it out. We may not even understand the full extent of it. For God so love the world that He gave His only son. Jesus so love us that He came to live amongst us and to die for us.

The famous 1 Cor 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad bout injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Yesterday, our church speaker was excellent. He was L.T Jeyachandran. Something which he said which caused me to tear is...
.... "God is worthy of our worship because He is a great God. A God beyond understanding. A God who created the heavens and the earth. God is also worthy of worship cause He is an approachable God who loves us and allows us to call Him Father."

L.T. was teaching on our identity. We are who we are because of who we relate to. I am Janelle His beloved daughter. I am His daughter despite of what I do. What I achieve. A lot of people have been placing their security and identity in what they do or what they can achieve. I am a well known Lawyer or a heart specialist. I went to Harvard and have 3 PHDs to my name. Living life behind the mask of false identity. Trying to achieve more to our name. To be up in society. So that others look up to us.

This message of identity have been preached in our church for more than two times in the past months. It is not a surprise cause God is working in the lives of many individuals in the church regarding who we really are. If He were to strip down all our securites. All we hope in, could we still stand firm. Would we still know who we really are? He is teaching us to trust in Him with the things not seen. In order to have faith in Him, we need to know Him whom we are to have faith in. And in order for us to feel secure, we need to know who we are to Him. How are we related to Him. We can know that God is someone great yet without knowing how we are relating to Him, just knowing God is someone great would not give us much hope and security.

If we are secure in who we are, we no longer am afraid even if people want to take advantage of us. We can be able to turn the other cheek. We no longer demand for our rights. We allow God to be the judge. We will see things with a different perspective. We do things out of love with the joy of God. Haha not that we become disillusioned and walk around as if being high on drugs. Perhaps it is a different kind of high. I do not know. God is still teaching me and revealing to me who I really am.

He has taken away who I am in terms of what I do. A youth leader. Now as I step back, why do I do the things I do? Perhaps I feel I am worth more in the kingdom if I am a leader? The things that you achieve as you enter the church? In some churches, you start to be an usher, then you attend prayer meetings, you become a children church teacher, if you have the potential then you are allowed to lead a small group, then you attend courses and you become a leader.... that is how it is. I am finding back my heart and the joy in the context to who I am. Then out of that, whatever He has called me to do, will be different. I may be doing the same thing but my heart condition and my motives will be different. I will not be pressured to be the best of what I am trying to be in the eyes of man. I will not be pressured to conform to the world in the way the world does things just to be well known so that I get the glory and feeds into my security.

To encourage dog sports in the country, we only charge a minimal entry fee. The top 3 teams at each level will be bringing home trophies and prizes, courtesy of EUKANUBA.

For more information about Pet-N-You, click here

Our nation is celebrating 50 years of independence. I somehow do not feel very patriotic. I am living in this nation but feel like I am not of this nation. Somehow I feel adopted. Lately I have had so many news of people migrating. a third of my family members have migrated and the main reason why they migrate is because they want a better education for their children or better life. It is tough if you are not a "bumiputera" to get into a good place for university. There are certain privileges that me as a Chinese do not have. So talk about patriotism, I am so sorry Malaysia. Our government made a remark that it is our 50th year of independence yet it is so quiet. They have to have incentives for people to put up flags and lights. (You will have discount in your electricity bill). Out siders see this nation as a harmonious nation. In a way it is. We hardly touch about issues that is "sensitive" though everyone knows it. The different cultures and people groups, except for food, hardly socialize and mix around. We have lived with each other for such a long time. Yet not really living with each other. But I am not going to give up hope. A little glimmer of me feeling belonging happened last week when I went to the butterfly farm and upon showing of my IC, as a Malaysian citizen I get to pay only 5 ringgit instead of 12 ringgit. Not bad at all.

I have developed an interest in gardening and have been going to Sg. Buloh to buy plants. Pictures of some of my plants. My mom told me that different soil are good for different types of plants. Different fertilizers for different things. Heard of the term "Green Fingers"? Basically those with "green fingers" have mastered the skill of creating the right environment for each plant to grow. Not too much sunlight for some plants while for other plants you need direct sunlight.




Someone once told me that our spiritual walk is like gardening. We find the right environment for growth but it is God who cause the growth. We are put in the right conditions and God will cause the growth. Healthy things grow. The question is what is the right conditions? Yet we cannot force growth. It is purely the work of God. Sometimes I get too frustrated or impatient and tries to hurry God or tries in my own strength to cause growth to happen. This only cause me to get more frustrated rather than waiting on His timing. There is a time and season for everything.


In my life, I have experienced that trials and storms foster growth. Though we do not wish to go through them, it actually do us good in strengthening our walk. Through my storms of life, I learn to trust in Him. I learn to wait on Him. I learn to know His character. I see the reality of God working.

Friendships and community can cause growth as well. The encouragement of a friend. The challenge we give one another. The care and the concern all foster growth.

Was going to write something inspiring but found my cousin's blog and could not stop reading her entries. I love my cousins. We "grew up" together although we did not stay together. It is always fun to have family gatherings. Just tonight I had supper with two of them. Maybe because I was the only child when I was growing up. So I spent a lot of holidays in my grandma's with my cousins.

I am learning to enjoy people around me. Plus family members.

Today I had lunch with a close friend and she commented that before when she would ask me for lunches, I would always be busy. It is true. I do not know what I was busy with but "things" just took away my time and people became secondary. Its always ministry and events that take my time. Meetings at church. So if you are not my church friend, I hardly have time for you. But it is good to spend time with family and friends again. Have to remind myself that people comes first. Part of my learning to live in this journey.

For many years now I have seen ministry as the most important thing in my life. Trying to keep ministry alive and going. My vision. My purpose. My direction. My goal. All these have been instilled in my mind for the longest of time. The need to achieve. The need to be a good leader. A good mentor. I have to be the person to disciple the young ones. Living for others. Afterall my life is the example. Giving them a purpose and vision. My mind have been so preoccupied in wanting to do "God's work" that I have neglected to live. To live the life that God has called me to live. The life that He has created me for. To enjoy my journey. To enjoy the people that I am with. To enjoy the companionship of friends. To live life. I am slowly discovering myself again. Who I am. What I like. Enjoying the company of friends again. To live life again. Free to be myself.

Feels like I have lost my way in my journey. I am yearning for the times of refreshing that comes from above. I am yearning to hear His voice. To feel His presence. To be near to my Father, my Saviour, my Lord once again. This loneliness I feel yet not because of a lack of Human companionship. This uncertainty I feel yet not because I am seeking for my future. This confusion in my mind yet not because I am misled.

I do not care any more. Come what may. I just want to find my God again. To be with Him. To hear His voice. To behold Him. Desperation swells in my heart to once again find Him. To seek Him. Longing for a closeness with Him yet what can I do but wait.

Where are You? You seem so far away. What good is all the good things around me when I feel so far from You. Longing for my Father's touch. In one of Tim Hughes song, "Take the world but give me You".