My journey...

I read this poem and it made me think.

How often have we thought that the things that we do "For God" is right in our eyes. Do we really seek God for ourselves or just listen to whatever others tell us?

I have been a Christian for so many years and there are so many things in my christian journey that I have learnt that I am now realising maybe, perhaps is not so theologically correct. There are a lot of the worldly system that has been implanted in the church system and we often check our "Christianity" against such worldly systems. Just like the spell check above. We often place our worldview and our own understanding and experience to understand and see who God is.

I am not saying that all I have believed in is wrong but not all is Godly either. I think I am in my journey where God is realigning my belief system and building new foundations in my life. Seems so painful to have the "Old" system being taken away. Feel like I do not know anything anymore and have to relearn. There seems to be a tension within myself to hold on to that which I know and to trust in God to teach me new things.

I do not expect others to understand what I am going through cause I do not fully understand it myself. But this I know that God is changing my worldview and I am just allowing Him the space and time to do His work in my life now.

Hey all, I am back from Bangkok. It has been a good trip. Great team I had. I had loads of fun. Though my joints did get painful but I was still able to walk and take public transport. Because we had to take public transport (van, car, motorbike, bus, train, tuk-tuk), we often have to walk long distances up and down stairs yet God gave me the strength.

One day we took a two and a half hour train ride to teach english at a primary school. That was fun. Spending time with the children. Though for only a short time.





It was amazing how God used the team. On the first night, we shared in a home meeting and I shared about faith in God. Trusting in Him even in matters that seem impossible. There at the meeting was a woman who just found out that she may have cancer (which is now confirmed). She was afraid but at the end she was able to say that she trust in God and place all hope in Jesus.

I do not understand why suffering happens especially to good people. But I told her that we can have peace that surpass all understanding in our suffering and knowing that God is in the midst of the suffering. He is the one who is with us through out. The joy of the Lord can be our strength.

It was a good time away though it was short and had disappointing news. It was great to spend time with the pastor there. To make new friends and to get to know the people there. To encourage them in their journey. How nice it is to see God's Kingdom in another country.

This trip, we went back to the basics of life. No air-cond, no car to go anywhere we wanted. Even the public transports has no air-conditioning. But God has been good. throughout our time there, it rained in the night so it was not so hot and stuffy and we could sleep better at night.

I shall be going to Bangkok tomorrow for a missons trip. I cannot wait. It has been two years since I have been to a missions trip. I was not allowed to go cause of my medical condition but I cannot take it anymore. So I bought my ticket first then only told my "doctor". I have psoriasis and arthritic pains. I cannot be stressed and have to watch my food. He thinks that if I go, I will not have enough sleep plus I may be stressed. He has advised me to cancel my trip but I want to trust God. He is greater than my medical report. So pray for me people. I shall give you good report when I get back.

The title is actually a title of a movie about Esther (in the bible... for the benefit of you who do not know). I saw the movie with my LF. Do not know how accurate biblically the movie is but I have to re read esther to find out. You can actually find the official online site for the movie here. Would I recommend it? er.. If you have time to waste and you are just sitting around waiting for time to pass, then I would. If you have very little free time and every moment is precious, then, don't watch it.

One thing in the movie really spoke to me. This part where Esther have to go see the King to save her people. The Jews. In those days, only when the King summons you then only you are allowed to see him even though he is your husband. I think some men would love this concept. Wait till I call you first then only you can come and talk to me. Haha. Anyway, back to Esther, if you went to see the King before being summoned, you can have a death sentence. Esther said "If I perish, I perish."

The guard who is close to Esther told her that she is just going to her death bed. Asked her not to do it. Throughout the movie, they show Esther as a person who love God and knows her Bible stories and she would often tell others about the stories of God. The guard said "Your stories are only stories. There is no such person as David or Jacob. Do not be so foolish." Esther paused and she said "You know why David won the battle? It was not that he could fight well but because he believed well." (David is a shepherd boy. Not trained for war. Goliath challenged the warriors of God and nobody dare go near Goliath but this shepherd boy and he killed Goliath cause David said that the Living God will help him).

Then Esther trusted in God and she went. It was because David believed well. It made me think of my faith. How well do I believe Him. To believe Him I have to know Him whom I believe and I have to know what I am believing in. Many Christians know that they believe in Jesus as the Son of God. He died so that we can have eternal life. So that we can have freedom. But ... the extent of their faith stops there. And they live their whole life based on that understanding. No wonder after a while, church life can become so meaningless and it is just another religion. It is a continuous journey of discovery. Discovery of the one whom I believe in. Discovery of who He really is. I feel that my journey is just beginning.