My journey...

We often refer to the things of the world and the things of the Kingdom of God as upside down to each other. When we grow up embracing the things of this kingdom, we need to relearn our worldview when we want to embrace that which is of God.

For example, in society today, you earn all that you have. You need to work hard. You need to keep the treasures which are yours. It is foolishness to give it away. But in the Kingdom of God, we are taught to lay down our lives for one another. The more we give, the more we receive. Of course we need to work hard as well. But all that we have is His. I am in no way disregarding God's blessings of wealth in a person. It is up to individuals what they see as treasures. The best things in life, money can't buy. How do they see themselves as rich. Someone may have all the wealth in the world but may not consider himself rich. Yet some with very little can consider himself rich.

Another example, there is nothing that is for free in this world. Even in certain religions, you need to work to earn god's love. If you ask god for a favor, you need to repay him. We have to do something to earn that acceptance. We need to work our way to a higher stand in god. But in God's Kingdom, He gave His love freely to us. He sent His only Son to die for us so that we may live. We love because He first loved us. It is God who made the first move towards us. He accepted us as who we are.

In this world, to be someone great, you need power and often, in society, people control people to feel that sense of greatness. That sense that they have achieved something. They have the made it in this world to have people listen to them. A great leader. But in His kingdom, we are called to be servants. To be the greatest is to be the least. To humble ourselves to serve rather than to be served.

Society today is everyone for themselves. We do not even know who our neighbours are or what they do. We live for ourself. We live to fulfill our needs. Our needs of food, shelter, friends and love. Sadly, we never seem to be fulfilled this way. Then when you reach the end of your road, you will be wondering what is life all about. But God placed us in communities to live for each other. The love we found in Him over flows through us to the lives of our "neighbours". To open our eyes to the needy and the hurting and the poor. To extend that love to meet practical needs.

How can one understand this Kingdom of God living in this upside down world. What impact will it have if we follow the ways of the Kingdom of God in our journey in life? To live life as God intended. To what extent are we willing to live out that Kingdom knowing that some people will mock us and laugh at us. Giving remarks like "Don't be such a fool. It is the millenium. Nobody live like that anymore." What does it take to stop us living out that expression of the Kingdom of God?

Unfortunately you are not able to read the words in the picture I have attached with this entry. It says "If you do not practice, you will not be able to anymore, then you will be too old." I pray that as I grow older, I will not be too set in my ways until I am not able to embrace the ways of the Kingdom of God in my journey.

Each of us have a longing to love and to be loved. That cause us to be on a search for that fulfillment. Sometimes, that emptiness can cause us to feel like we are in a bubble. Shut out from what we are suppose to be doing and who we are. I have friends who get married because of the need to be loved even though they do not love the guy. Many go around searching for the other half because they think that life is incomplete. I have to find my other half to complete me.

We will never find our other half because we are a complete person. God made us whole and complete in Him. We need to be completely found in Him then we are ready to give of ourself to another. That longing to be loved can only be fulfilled in God because only God will never let us down. If we place all our hope in a person, a man, that person will never meet all our expectations. Without knowing the source of love. Without knowing and understanding the love of God for us, we cannot really love another. If we do, it will be out of selfish motive.

God make me complete in You and fill me with Your love so that I am ready to give of myself to another.

Sometimes, we cannot control the storms that life's journey brings. But it is through these storms that life seems to be more real. Rather than life being a fairytale, which it never will be, these storms reminds us that there is a God. That He is ultimately in control. A friend of mine is a painter and she paints rather sad pictures. Ones that always have a sad face. (That's one of her pictures you see on this blog entry) I asked her how come most of her pictures are so sad and she said that you cannot appreciate happiness unless you have experienced sadness. She is right. We cannot know that God who heals unless we have experienced pain. We cannot know a God who will provide unless we are in need. It is through the storms of life that God reveals Himself to us.

I must admit that it is painful and hard going through those storms. Experiencing that brokenness, you just wish that the world would open up and swollow you in. When you are going through a storm, it hurts like crazy but at the same time, you see the God of comfort. He promised us that He will never leave us nor forsake us.

It says in Proverbs. Hope deferred makes the heart sick but when dreams come true, it brings joy and life.

My hope is in God alone. Thank You for the promise I have in You through the storms in my journey

Such pain,
Such sorrow,
There is so much rain
I can't see tomorrow

At that very moment
He came
Wrapped me in His arms
Comforted me again

Dried all my tears
Took away my fears
looked in my eyes ever so dear
"Don't worry I am here"

Happy Chinese New Year. Why do I like Chinese New Year? When I was young, I remember that I would go to my grandparent's place for Chinese New Year. I would be looking forward to it because I can play with all my cousins. While the adults have their game of mahjong (usually overnight) us kids would play with firework, sparklers, cards .. whatever till the sun comes out. Life as a kid.


I still do like Chinese New Year. Not because of the ang pows (though it has something to do with it), not because we do not get traffic jam, not because I can eat all the yummy goodies, Not because I get to rest from work for a week! but I like it because I get to visit relatives. Spend time catching up. I hardly see my cousins. Maybe once or twice a year on special occasions. Although sometimes we run out of conversation topics but it is good just to sit and watch "familiness". Of course we do not stay up overnight anymore. As we get older, we do need more sleep. hee hee but it is still good.


It is our family tradition to go from one relative's house to another. Although the people who go for these roundings are the same group of people. We would visit every single person's house. Like house warming. Conversations will continue from one house to another. Sometimes, we will be in the middle of watching a movie on TV, we will proceed to the next house during commercial breaks to continue the show in the next house. It is quite fun. We can go to about 7 or 8 houses in a day.



In my previous blog entry, I talked about traditions and rituals and how after a while it looses its meaning but I think this is one tradition in my family that is very meaningful. Even though my grandparents are not alive anymore, yet the siblings still think it is worthwhile to build the family ties. I hope that this tradition will not die.

So hope that you will have a great Chinese New Year. Don't over eat... though it is very hard. It is like we will have one BIG meal throughout the day cause it never stops.

We want to achieve much, but sometimes produce little. This may be particularly the case when we set out to be more patient, loving, caring and gentle with others. We may well find that the more we try, the less successful we seem to be. Now clearly there is nothing wrong with that desire to be more constructive and helpful in our relationships with others. But there may well be something wrong with the way we go about this tasks.

One of the least helpful ways is to try to prove something to ourselves. Our attempts to be more loving thus become more the spiritual barameter by which we check our rating with God. When we do this, our desire to love others become confused with our own needs and our own agenda.

The solution is never to attempt to love others more so that we can feel better about ourselves. This is doing things back to front. The way forward is to know we are loved by God and appreciated by others and, from this center of security, seek to be more caring and compassionate.

Nouwen notes that 'a forgiven person forgives'. Equally so, a loved person loves. And a nurtured person cares. The challenge is never simply to try to be more loving, but to seek a deeper inner resource from which our love can flow.

I felt that this reflection is very good cause it is so true. When someone does not talk to me or "snobs" me, I will try that much harder to try to find out why and make obvious very obvious attempt to show I care. This often drives them further away. Perhaps my motive was so I felt better cause I hated if someone is offended by me. But this reflection cause me to think about where that love should come from and what is the motive of my heart. We need to seek that seurity in God and that our lives are in right standing with God. I like the ending of the reflection which says, "a loved person loves". Know that you are loved by God and love for people comes naturally despite how the other party treats you. Its all to do with like the title suggests, inner resources that is found in God.

Why is it so difficult trying to live out that kingdom of God here on earth.There is a constant battle within of wanting to do what is right and yet wanting to conform to the patterns of this world. Yet at times I do not even know what is right to do.

Someone once told me that I have too high expectations of God and of myself. So when God does not meet my expectation of who He is, then I get disappointed. And when God does not deliver what I seek, then I get disappointed. Am I expecting too much of God? Is it even humanly possible to expect too much from God? Isn't He beyond our imagination and expectations? I do not ask God for riches or fame. I do not ask Him that I would be successful in life. I am barely asking Him to teach me to live life in this world according to His Kingdom the way that is pleasing to Him. Is that expecting too much? Also is it too much to expect that He has the best interest for my life? Is the frustrations of wanting to see His kingdom come too much to ask? Are frustrations wrong because it makes us uncomfortable?

Are we putting God in a box? Are we being too "Christian" and do things as good christians should do? Nothing more, nothing less. Have we fail to let God be God? Have we given up hope that God is truly in control of our lives? Have we forgotten that we serve a living God. Who may not do things the same way everytime?

I do not even know what to name this blog entry. Random thoughts? Cry of my heart? Senseless debate? Yet that is the yearning in my heart. Wanting to walk in a way pleasing to Him yet knowing that I would be open to hurt.

Got my title from our sunday service message. Raj was mentioning about how even in the charismatic churches, we have certain practices which have been there for a long time and once upon a time brought life but now they are just practices. For example, how we pray a certain way. Worship a certain way. Even preach a certain way and we think that if we do not do it that way, then the Holy Spirit will not come. Or the "power" is not strong enough. We fail to recognise that our God is a living God. He is a creative God. And the anointing or "power" does not come if we do things a certain way. It comes from working with God. Listening to Him.

Even in our lives, I have been a Christian for about 20 years now. (Yeah been a Christian since I was one years old.... hahaha) but I know how to talk the talk and walk the walk. I know what I need to do as a good Christian. I can act a christian in church or even among friends. However, is that just a form? Is that just playing Christian but no life of God? I know how to pray for people. I know what are the prayers to say when I want to pray for healing or when I need to pray for deliverance. It is almost mechanical. But is there life? Life that comes from that close walk with God. Listening to Him. Walking with Him. Adoring Him. Acknowledging Him in all that we do. What good is it if I have character but no life. People in church knows me as "good girl" and will be shocked if I am to be really disobedient.... but what good is that if all I do is mechanical and form without that life of God within me?

How many people who go to church play church. Come Sunday, they put on a show? Doing all the right things. reciting all the right prayers using the right jargons.

My heart's cry.. I will not live that mechanical life and that other's will be touched with that life flowing through me.

Lately I have been so fascinated about searching out theological stuff that although I have gained a lot of head knowledge, but I have neglected the relationship with God. I have been faithful in my pursuit in the knowledge of God instead of knowing Him. And suddenly I felt that I have drifted away. The life of God is not fresh anymore. Head knowledge does not equal to that communion with God and how a person can be so caught up in pursuing truth but never actually know truth itself. Jesus said I am the way, the TRUTH and the life. Truth is not knowledge but a person. (profound). To pursue truth is to pursue a person. But there are so many people in church who thinks that just by listening to the sermon on sunday and getting enlightened by the truth in the bible, they are ok. That they are living that Christian life. For me, I am gaining knowledge about God also. But that knowledge ought to bring me to worship Him. To give me revelation of Him so that it enriches my life with Him.

Forgive me God for seeking knowledge more than You. For neglecting my communion with You.

There are a lot of traditions and rituals in the church. For example, the way we partake Holy communion, the way we sing our songs, the way we pray. Whether it be something that has been passed on from generations or something that the church have thought of in the past decade. Whatever it is, it defines who they are and the way they do things. I used to be someone who dislike these traditions. I thought they were binding to our christian faith. I always thought that they inhibit a person to be free to worship God the way they want to until oneday some wise man told me that if we are to take away the traditions of old, the church will replace it with another tradition which may be worse than the first.

On Sunday, Sherman came to our church and taught us on the sacrament of Holy Communion. It's meaning and history. He showed us that it is a visual representation of the spiritual truth. That Jesus is in our midst. The partaking of communion is a representation of the community of friendship. The reminder of the past (what Christ did), the present (that His promise to be with us) and the future (the hope that we have). It was a meaningful yet refreshing time for me. It is so much more meaningful to do something knowing why we are doing it. This tradition which we take for granted so many times. Just to think of the number of times where it was just a ritual every month. Something that we as believers come together to do.... just for the reminder of the cross. But I never knew that it was much more than that. I wonder how many of our traditions have been lost. Things that we do not see the need for anymore cause we simply were not told of its implications.

But I wonder, now that we know the meaning of the sacrament of the Holy Communion and it means so much to us, but if we keep partaking of the Holy communion in the same manner, will it slowly become a ritual again. Something that we do every month. The true meaning of it lost. If we do not teach the next generation why we do it, will it then become meaningless again... like many of our christian traditions? Will it then be replaced by something else in the future cause it will be deem old fashion. The way that we do certain things has a reason why it was done that way but as time goes by, that reason is forgotten. It then becomes a tradition of the church. Another thing we do because it has always been done. Rituals that the next generation finds a chore doing. How do we keep the life in these traditions? So that it will not become rituals? How many of our rituals were actually born out of bringing life to the church at the time it was implimented? I just wonder.....