My journey...

Why is it so difficult trying to live out that kingdom of God here on earth.There is a constant battle within of wanting to do what is right and yet wanting to conform to the patterns of this world. Yet at times I do not even know what is right to do.

Someone once told me that I have too high expectations of God and of myself. So when God does not meet my expectation of who He is, then I get disappointed. And when God does not deliver what I seek, then I get disappointed. Am I expecting too much of God? Is it even humanly possible to expect too much from God? Isn't He beyond our imagination and expectations? I do not ask God for riches or fame. I do not ask Him that I would be successful in life. I am barely asking Him to teach me to live life in this world according to His Kingdom the way that is pleasing to Him. Is that expecting too much? Also is it too much to expect that He has the best interest for my life? Is the frustrations of wanting to see His kingdom come too much to ask? Are frustrations wrong because it makes us uncomfortable?

Are we putting God in a box? Are we being too "Christian" and do things as good christians should do? Nothing more, nothing less. Have we fail to let God be God? Have we given up hope that God is truly in control of our lives? Have we forgotten that we serve a living God. Who may not do things the same way everytime?

I do not even know what to name this blog entry. Random thoughts? Cry of my heart? Senseless debate? Yet that is the yearning in my heart. Wanting to walk in a way pleasing to Him yet knowing that I would be open to hurt.