My journey...

The other day I was driving and suddenly as I turn my head, I thought that I saw a really beautiful bird but when I tried looking for it again, it was gone. Maybe it could be my imagination. But I was happy for a while. To behold such beauty.

Sometimes in my journey in life, I get little glimpses of hope and joy. Sometimes, certain events will cause me to be excited and happy. Little glimpses of God's goodness. God's faithfullness. God's love and mercy. Hope that I see. These little glimpses are like sign posts that spur me on. That get me excited in life's journey. That gives me hope to go on seeking the Kingdom. I am not saying that if I do not see these signs then I will give up my journey but they are there as an encouragement. I believe that God place them there for us to have little glimpses of what the Kingdom could be like. Though we do not see it in its fullness, we see bits of it here and there.

Last Sunday I went for a walk with a friend at the TTDI park. There were two guard houses that they built there. One at the begining and one at the halfway point. At the halfway point, we had to make a decision whether to continue and finish the course or to turn back. We decided that we would complete the whole course but on the way, tiredness and the difficulty of the journey made us weary. Our pace slowed down. We were so excited on our way back to see the halfway point again that it charged us to walk that little bit faster. It gave us hope that we are doing ok. We will complete the course.

It is like that in my journey. I do not depend on the little glimpses to keep me on the journey but they add that excitement and hope. It shows me the reality of the Kingdom and of God.

You know you have not been at home much when your own dog growls at you. My little Mickey growled at me when I tried to get near him. Then yesterday, he even barked at me when I came home. I am a stranger to my dog. This is so sad. I love him so much despite him growling at me. It breaks my heart to see him treat me as a stranger. I will try to make him like me again by giving him treats and hugging him. Then he will be ok for a while till he feel that I am a treat to him again.

I reflect on my relationship with God. At times I may complain to Him about a situation that I am in. Even blame Him for misfortunes that happens but He still loves me unconditionally. How it must break His heart when I do not respond or I so called "Growl" at him.

Then I reflect upon Christians. How God must feel at times when He have to give us treats so that we continue to love Him. Some Christians base their lives on sensationism. I must feel good. It is all about feelings. It is all about blessing me. Christianity is all about everything going right for me. If not, then we go to our corner and sulk and wonder if God loves me. If it is not going well for me then, God is not even in my picture. I can picture God being busy just trying to keep these people happy or does He?

Then again to some, it is the opposite. If everything is going well, who needs God. I am alright on my own. But when the going gets tough, then that is when they will pray like never before. Blessings is their main agenda. They come to church so that God can see them being "holy" and bless them.

Whatever our perception or view is, it all boils down to relationship. Our understanding of God and His kingdom. A constant walk. A constant seeking. I better stop here and have "bonding" time with my dog. Hee hee.

God is at work at the different seasons in our lives and each season brings a new refreshing and a new revelation. Never despise what we are going through. We may be going through something very difficult. Maybe winter but I assure you spring will come. There are times when we do not see anything growing. Everything seems to be stagnant but God is still there. There are times where "leaves" seems to be falling. Whatever we do seems to be wrong. Nothing seems to be going our way but God is still there. There are times when we see fruits. Flowers everywhere. These are the times that we have to be careful not to be too complacent in. Times where we should not boast about. IT is only by His grace. God is definately there. Every season in our lives creates an opportunity for us to grow. For me, I grow the most during winter and fall. That is when you do not see anything on the outside but God is doing His pruning and strengthening on the inside. Here are some pictures which someone sent to me.

There is a time for everything

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot
a time to kill and a time to heal
a time to tear down and a time to build
a time to weep and a time to laugh
a time to mourn and a time to dance
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them
a time to embrace and a time to refrain
a time to search and a time to give up
a time to keep and a time to throw away
a time to tear and a time to mend
a time to be silent and a time to speak
a time to love and a time to hate
a time for war and a time for peace

"He has made everything beautiful in His time"

What am I desiring after? A question that made me think. What are my motives? What do I really want? Are my intentions selfish? I may be appearing to be doing all the right things for the wrong reasons. If my motive is unpure, then it will not be pleasing to God. I may be doing the most noble thing but if I am doing it for the wrong reasons then what does that amount to?

At the end of the day, its our heart that God is after. He pursues us that our hearts will be turned to Him. He is jealous of anything in our lives that takes our attention off Him. Where is my heart? What is it after? Where my treasure is there would be my heart also.

Is it worth it to give up that pursuit of God for self fulfilment? If you pursue God Himself, that desire for His will and His kingdom will be evident.

As many of you would know, I won a photo contest. Nothing to boast about. I was up against many uncles and aunties who do not even know half the function in their cameras. I said I because I took the pictures but actually it was entered in my parents name. It was a China, Mt. Ermei competition organuised by reliance. Each person who went with Reliance on that tour are allowed to participate. So my Dad actually won first prize with this entry



And my mom won third with this entry.



The photos were displayed at the recent Matta fair. So with our winnings, I am going to Turkey. Hee Hee.

I am preparing for "Youth Camp" tomorrow and reading the book of Romans, one of the title before the chapter reads, "Faith brings Joy". I am pondering at that thought. We are called into a life that follows the life of Christ. A life that is different from the ones of this world. We are to become more and more like Christ. As we do that, our desires and our heart's cry will also be that of Christ. I look around me today and see so many catastrophies. So many suffering. So many in-justice. So much pain. Not only amongst the poor but those in the church. Our neighbours. So many things around us that will break the heart of God. As we walk closely with God, these things breaks our hearts too. How can there be joy? I wonder what was Christ's emotions when He was walking on earth. The actions of the Pharisees, the in justices, the poverty, the bickering between friends and members of the same family. Does it break His heart? Yet in Romans we are called to rejoice because of our faith. We are called to joyfully look forward to share God's glory.

I guess as I ponder about this, there are joys that comes along our way when we walk with Him. I rejoice when I see a glimpse of the kingdom of God. I rejoice when I see the hand of God at work. I rejoice when I see the love of God being shared in the lives of believers. I rejoice when I see people walking in the purposes of God's will.

I remember when I took the youth to the handicapp center and I see the youth sharing their lives with the handicapp kids. Sharing some of the love of God. I rejoice. I remember that I went there wanting to share what I have but in return, this girl probably about late twenties (the girl in the picture)came and shared love with me. She did not care who I was. She showed me unconditional love. Sharing her color pencils with me. Holding on to my hand as I colored. In her eyes I saw that she was genuine in her wanting to be friends. It touched my heart. I am a stranger to her. I thought I have something to give yet I am being taught how to love. Yes it is at moments like these that I rejoice because I know my God lives. In the hearts of these people and amongst them. They may not understand about the 5 steps to salvation. They may not even understand the concept of sin but they understand what it is to love.

Is that a picture of our faith. Not to analyze too much but to accept. Coming into His Kingdom as a child? To come to Him to be loved and to love. To find that joy amongst that love. To keep our eyes on Him no matter what. To find that hope. Faith brings joy? As we see His kingdom comes on earth, we can experience that joy. Yet before the kingdom is here in its fullness, we will have that saddness because the world is in the state that it is in. The chuch is not in its perfect state. Our heart will break with the things that break His heart. There will always be this tension till His kingdom is here completely.

I was at a restaurant last night having my dinner and overheard the next table ordering food. It was the weirdest thing. This is the typical chinese restaurant where they have fresh fish. As in the fishes are in the aquarium and when you place an order, they would catch the fish and prepare it for your consumption. So the conversatio of this lady with the waiter...

Waiter : "would you like to eat fish"
Lady : "Yes"
Waiter : "We have fresh fish still swimming in the aquarium"
Lady : "No. That is too cruel. I want frozen fish"

Hrmm. And frozen fish were not live fish before?

I do not understand how certain people when they try to be sympathetic or righteous and yet they keep contradicting themselves. You see a lot of that in church. When they go for their missions trip, they would be so nice to the people there but when they are at home, how they would treat their maids or the indonesian workers in Malaysia? They are not the same human beings? All of a sudden you are the employer and you have a right to ill treat them? I know of empoyers who work their maids till midnight cleaning the house because they think they have paid them to do so. Getting your money's worth?

That is just two examples. But something for me to think about as well. my view of people and my view of the world.

I was sitting in my office today doing my usual "admin" stuff and then suddenly, Pastor Yong shouted "earth quake". I could clearly feel the shake. As we look at the ornament on the table, it vibrates. We waited to hear about earth quakes through the news. True enough there was an earth quake in Sumatra. The magnitude of the quake was so large (6.3) that it could be felt all the way in KL and Singapore. This just happened today and already on the internet, there are NGOs appealing for help financially. This is not confined to our South East Asia region but it impacts now responses world wide.




For some people, their day probably started off as a normal day but then suddenly, catastrophy hits them. They have lost their families, houses, communities and even limbs within minutes. Just think of its effects which will take years to recover. Some may not even recover like the lost of a loved one.

This made me think of our actions. Somethings we do, will have an affect on the people around us. Whether it be bad decisions or good ones. If we sow good deeds, its effects may lasts for generations. If we unknowingly hurt someone with our words, its effects may also take years to recover. Sometimes, its effects may even travel to a wider scope of people.

Take for example our church. We give free tuition to the marginalised children who cannot afford tuition. That little act of kindness in teaching someone to read or simply to pass their exams may make them a better person or may cause them to have a better future. Think of its effects.

Sometimes we do not know what our little acts of kindness can do in the life of a person. But it is our choice. Whether we choose to sow good or evil. It is our choice how we choose to react in a certain situation. But think of its effects.

Think about what difference it will make to the life of someone who have lost their family and feel like they are the only person left in the world and we come and show them love and care. To let them know that there are people who may not know their suffering but will stand with them and will see them through their suffering.

I remember sherman (my lecturer) mentioned in one of his class that we cannot really explain the problem of evil and suffering. Why is there suffering when God is in control. But as Christians, what we can do and are called to do is to stand with those who are suffering and bring hope and share love.

The affects of our actions. Its our choice. I choose to bless rather than tear down.

How would you consider something to be good or bad? Why would two person go to watch the same movie and each coming out with different opinions? Why would some people like a speaker but others consider him to be boring or rude? Why would some people consider certain fashion to be cool while others think it is boring? A certain seminar could be meaningful to some but totally a waste of time to others. Whatever it is, this is the diversity and the creativity we see in God's handiwork. Each having their differences in taste and view point.

I think something is meaningful to someone because that person could relate to it and found it useful while others maybe refuse to relate and have their own mind set already.

I was one who had a very closed mindset about other denominations, their beliefs and practices. I was "critical" and never believed in traditions until lately my view pooint about this has drastically changed. Thanks to people like Sivin and Sherman. I have learnt to appreciate them. Infact, I practice some of these spiritual traditions myself in my quiet time.

The question that was in my mind was, could the churches in Malaysia be unified? Can it be put in the Kingdom context. Can we as Malaysian Christians live out church the way God has intended it to be and be unified in our mission. Which is God's mission. Currently, they seem so disunited. Each denomination trying to promote their belief and practices and things like "if you are of a different denomination then you cannot come to our church to partake communion with us".

I saw that tint of hope when I attended a conference last weekend. "A quiet revolution of hope. Friends in conversation". (To read more about the event itself, read Sivin's blog). There were people of defferent walks of life. Different denominations coming together to talk about kingdom and church and what really matters in Malaysia in relation to us (Christians). Current issues etc. There were Catholics, Baptists, Lutherans, Methodists, Evangelical Free Church, Protestants, Pentecostals etc. Although there were only a handful comepared to the thousands of Christians around Malaysia but they represent the voice of Christianity. We have Fathers, Bishops, Pastors, leaders and just church goers. The conversations were good but what impacted me the most was to see these different walks of life coming together talking about the same things. I see their heart for the church and for the things in the heart of God. Although they have different view point, I am hopeful that God is at work and I just had a glimpse of the unity of the body of Christ in Malaysia to want to see God glorified in Malaysia. Those little differences did not seem to matter much compared to the bigger picture.

A highlight for me was the closing when we broke bread with each other. I was standing in a circle looking at the different people, holding my piece of bread and remembering the significance of this. Identifying myself with the body of Christ in Malaysia and with Christ. Remembering that everytime we do this, Jesus was in our midst. I nearly cried. I am hopeful. As long as we are in conversations with each other, even though we may disagree, the fact that we have these conversations, shows that we are interested in the body. We are interested in God's plans for us. A little light of unity in the body.