My journey...

Do you ever realise that sometimes we come to God with a question and then we give Him an answer? For example. "God, should I be taking this job? Well... it does pay well. It is a promotion for me. So I guess you will not object if I do take it. Infact, I will take it and if you object then you cause it not to be so smooth sailing. A-men".

We human like to be in control and we are not really asking for God's will are we? We are afterall very impatient people. But then again, does He really have a specific job or a specific will for our lives or are we free to choose? Like a specific someone for us. A specific church that He want us to be in. A specific location where He wants for you to stay. Specific career. A specific degree that He wants for you to take at uni. How do we know what is His will for our lives? How do we know we are pleasing Him? I guess the bottom line is our love for God and trust that He will lead us. I think some of the specifics mentioned are not very important. But how we live this life and how we live out the kingdom where we are at.

I myself am questioning but do not have all the answers.
I've got questions, without answers.....

Preparing for my sharing in the youth group tomorrow. Just a few thoughts that I suddenly have revelation on. Just somethings I am pondering on.....

I read somewhere that faith is a gift. Human beings can exist without faith in God. They can go on with their normal life not knowing God. Then God comes along and reveals himself to us and causes us to have faith in Him. That faith causes us to yearn for more of Him. Thus starts our spiritual journey. Faith causes us to believe, really believe in Him. With faith, we put our belief into action. David and Goliath. The other Israelites also knows God but dare not challenge Goliath. David have faith in God that he can take Goliath because God has revealed Himself to David that He is able to help him win battles. Thus he defeated Goliath with his faith. Revelation of God cause our faith to be stronger.

Worship is a response to the revelation of who God is. The revelation of God causes us to have faith. Faith then causes us to worship. Whether it cause our hearts to praise in songs, or in loving people, serving the poor, doing our ministry, it is all worship to God. Worship then is the overflow of our faith from the revelation of God put into action. OR The revelation of God causes our faith to arise and this causes worship.

Often times as human, we do things out of motive. What's in it for me. Even when we think that we do it out of love of a person, often times we have a motive. You love because you want to be loved in return. Guys will buy flowers or do a certain "favor" for a girl because they want that girl to return that love. We do things for our parents because it is our duty to. Because we feel grateful and as a good son/daughter, we are expected to.

This attitude has been carried into the church. What is in it for the church? When we do ministries, we will calculate the return otherwise, is it really worth our time? If we set up a pre school, is it going to generate income for us? We allow non-christians to come but how many are we targetting that can add to our salvation number?

I saw a Mr. Bean episode today. The one about Mr.Bean and Christmas. There were carollers who came to his apartment to sing and after singing, Mr.Bean help a plate of sweets and walked towards them and we naturally think that he would offer the sweets to them as a reward. (but actually being a Mr.Bean show we know that he would not). He just slam the door at their face. Without even a thank you. Naturally the carollers were stunned. But what is the heart of carolling? To proclaim the birth of Christ and the good news to the people. We seem to have lost that. Now, when we go around carolling, we expect to be fed. Some churches even charge money if you want them to go carolling at your house. It has been a fundraising thing.

Would we extend love to someone without expecting anything in return? Would we do things that we know will never bring a return. Infact, it will cost us but just to bless others. Would we have a program in the church like feeding the poor just for the purpose of meeting their needs and not to expect that we will increase in the number of salvation cases in the church. Or so others will know what a great thing that we are doing. To pride ourself in our ministry? Do we do things because it is our christian duty to do and therefore help us feel better because I am fulfilling my Christian duty. What is our motive.

Jesus never did anything for His own fufillment. He truly love the people. His motive will be people. To genuinely meet the needs of the people for their sake. There need to be nothing in it for Him.

I wonder in my own life how many things I am doing I have a motive behind. Whether obvious or not. I can subconsciously have a motive yet not know it. I have much to learn.

As part of my assignment (can't believe that I am still doing assignments) for my Theology class, I am suppose to write a paper on "what does it mean that Jesus is human". 2000 words!!. My first impression was, because the bible say so therefore He is. That would not go down well if I actually want to pass this subject. I did some reading and am so amazed at the significance of the virgin birth. Before, my only understanding of the Virgin birth was just so Christ will not be born with the sin of humankind. But what does it actually mean to be human?


Adam and Eve was truly human before the fall. God created humankind perfect but sin caused us to fall from being truly human. Sin caused us to be seperated from God and His purpose for human kind. Therefore we need faith in God to be truly human again. To be restored to the original intention that God has created us to be. In fellowship with Him and with one another. Henri Nouwen said that our spirituality is the core of the human being. To be truly human, we need to find that core again to truly live. That core can only be found in God. Christ was born of virgin birth. Without sin. He was truly human.


Also, if Jesus was just born as a normal birth, we would still believe He is man but not God. But because His birth was so miraculous, it is easier to believe that He is God at the same time. God is just brilliant. Jesus could have come in so many ways. He could be formed as human and dropped into earth. But we would not be able to identify Him as human. But God in His wisdom has thought of everything.


As you can see, this is hardly 2000 words. At least I am getting somewhere in my paper. hee hee.

I have been attending my Christian Theology course and I have found it very refreshing. I come back realising that there is still a lot that I do not know. It's like the more you know, the more you realise that you do not know. There is so much richness in my Christian heritage that has been lost through the ages. The true meaning of sacrements for example. The reverance for God. The fear of God. The being in Awe of Him. The revelations of our God. The God who is almighty. Our lithurgy. The meaning of kingdom. Of community. The church have lost so much of the richness of our Christian heritage just to "keep up with time". To try to be relevant to the current trend. Are we not relevant anymore to society that we have to create new waves of excitement to "lure" people to the kingdom? Well what do I mean by that? In the churches today, theology is very much watered down. We keep preaching the 5 steps to happiness and we keep wanting to satisfy our consumer. The church members or the non-believers. Youth now seek the new craze.... loud music and jumping. But if you ask them to explain their faith, they could barely articulate because they are not taught it. I said the sinners prayer already what therefore I am saved. That's all that matters. Where is that journey in their walk with Christ.

Church leaders seeking for fame and fortune. They seek to be the greatest and most well known church in the expense of other churches at times. Afterall, it is when we become well known that others are attracted to come and that is where money for the building of the kingdom comes in. It is all for the glory of God. Is it? They have to have the best equipments. The best and most modern and high tech stuff because we need to have the best for God. It is OK if there are others suffering without food. Once the church building is ready we will start to reach out to the poor people as part of our ministry. After all, they would never fit into our church. Our church is for the middle class. We have to cater for them. To attract these people. The poor can go to the churches who specifically cater for the poor.

They teach self sufficiency in the church. Self motivation to achieve your goals in life. Making money God's way. Be the leader God intend you to be. The whole christian faith is about blessing you to be the best you can be out there.... for God. Where then is God? What part does He play? He is the on who will cheer you on and help you on the way when you come into speed bumps?

People trying to keep ministries running instead of ministry for the people. Pastors who are suppose to walk with us in our faith now need us to serve them as though they are "mini" gods. Superstars. Afterall, they have the greatest revelation compared to their congregation. They are the CEO of the church that keeps the church running. Without them, the whole church will be lost. There are so much manipulation and exploitations.

I was asked to pray for this particular school because the principal is wanting to close down the Christian fellowship in the school. Why are we suddenly so concerned when something like this happen when all this while we don't even see christian fellowship as important. We do not even encourage our children to join the christian fellwships. To be the voice in that community. We are more concerned over their tuition classes cause education is very important to ensure their future. Perhaps Christian fellowship coincides with tuition classes. They have to keep up with their friends who are taking tuition. I have to send them to the best tuition. So guess what is more important? So if we have given up that right to be that voice in school why do we feel so sad?

I am reminded of the story that ages ago, the church is the body that approve of what movies are to be screened. The moral values and censorship but the church gave up that right because it was too troublesome. So now, we see all sorts of unethical issues in our movies and we start to protest. But we gave up that right long ago. What is the point of protesting? Then we see the moral decay in our youth. If we cannot beat them, then join them. Approval of homosexuals. Divorce is OK. The fear of God no longer instilled. Issues are swept under the carpet so not to cause arguements. God is a God of peace afterall.

"Who is evangelising who? Are we winning the world or have the world won us over?" Why can't we hold on fast to our faith and heritage and still be relevant to the world today? God after all is a living God. The same yesterday, today and forever. He does not expire. Why are we throwing our theology to catch up with the world? Can Christianity be outdated? Why can't we learn to weave theology together with the society of today?

I am sadden at the state of the church but that makes me more amaze at the love of God. At the grace of God. At the patience of God. Cause I still see the expression of God in the imperfect church. I still see the miracles of God here and there. It could all happen only because of God's grace. Despite the state of the church, I still see pockets of people who seek to glorify God. Who seek His kingdom come. The church may never be perfect but God's dream of His kingdom come is lived out in individuals around the world.

Well, what about me? Being in the system of this imperfect church? I will seek to trust God. I still love the church because the church is God's and this is my family. I I will try my very best to bring His kingdom here on earth to the people I meet. To share the love of God with my community and the people I come across. I do not claim to know everything about the kingdom. Infact, my theology may not be very sound but whatever I know, I shall try to live it out. Teach me Your ways that I may walk in Your path.

I went to a school for the poor and drop-outs the other day. They have international standard teachers and faciilities but they give it away to those who cannot afford education or cannot enter into our school system. The whole church is involved in this project and everyone is supportive of everyone. One church member allowed a full-time teacher to stay for free at their apartment simply because the full-time staff cannot afford his own place. This reminds me of the time in the book of Acts. Where the believers shared all they have and there is such a real sense of community. Have we lost the true meaning of living in a community? Do we think that we associate with one another once a while and talk about our problems and get to know what is happening with each other and maybe counsel one another ... that is community? I don't understand it myself but that day at the school, I have a taste of what a community may look like. They even have non-Christians as part of them and the non-christians are not looked down upon. All have the same vision and heart. I can sense so much of God's kingdom there in my visit than in any other "mega" church visit who claim to have so many things happening. I remembered a church which I attended. It has more than 1000 members. Very vibrant. Leading and well known church. They have more than 20 ministries. Ministry to the handicapp, to the ladies, young adults, tuition center, security, business man's fellowship, worship, youth, children.... the list goes and they are proud of it. At the end of the day, it is the church serving these ministries and it is not part of the lifestyle of the people. They take pride in their achievement. But we are called to humble ourselves. Even though nobody knows what we are doing, we do what we do because we want to see His Kingdom come. His name glorified. To work with Him to achieve His goals and purpose. I long to see and to be a part of church and community as God has intended church to be. His Kingdom lived out in a community. Where the heartbeat of every person is not for themselves but to see Him lifted up. Their desire is to see His Kingdom come. To be a part of what He is doing. Genuine love for one another. I am not there yet in my own walk. I do not think any church is there yet but I can dream.

Some things in life cannot be fixed. Cannot turn back the sands of time. For example hurtful words. A broken relationship. Someone passing away. In my high school years, I stayed with my uncle who compost organic things that we throw out. They are used as fertilizers for plants and at times you will see new growth coming out from the compost because maybe some seeds were thrown in it as well. These rotting organics are much needed for some plants to grow healthy and for fruits to be of a better quality. Sometimes, experiences in our lives cannot be fixed and we throw it out as compost. But God can cause new growth that can come from it. Bad experiences can help others have hope in God. New things can emerge from those bad times. No experience whether good or bad is ever wasted. Perhaps in this journey we do need these experiences for us to mature. To grow closer to God.

In your journey in life, there will be somethings that cannot be fixed but trust God that He will cause new growth or fertilise other things to grow from it.

This morning I had the priviledge to spend some precious time with God. As in not your 15 to 30 mins quiet time. It is difficult in this hectic lifestyle to find a moment of peace and quiet. As I quieten myself down, God reminds me of His church being the bride of Christ. We are His bride and I just ponder upon that thought. Could you imagine a bride and her groom on their wedding day?. Even the mere presence of being together excites them. No one needs to say anything. Sometimes, even before words are spoken, they know what each other is thinking. There are no formalities when they talk. There would be such adoration in each of their eyes for each other. They keep no secret from each other. They know each other so well. They know what each other's likes and dislikes. No other person in the world has that position in their hearts. It's as though they are living for one another.


That is to be our relationship with the Lord. Prayer should not be a chore. It is a conversation with our beloved. We should be so close to Him that we know what He will say even before He says it. To be so close to Him that we could even feel His heartbeat. To know what are His likes and dislikes. To just enjoy His presence and enjoy doing things together. Confiding in each other. Just being there with each other is sometimes enough. I read something in another person's website below:

I watched eragon a while ago now. There is this one scene where eragon's cousin was going to move out of the house because he cannot stay in the village anymore for the 'bad' people will come to capture him for National service. Hee hee. He will be taken to fight for the bad guys. Something he does not wish to do. Just as he was leaving the house, his father greeted him good-bye for he may never see his son again. He said that he wish to give him more but that was all they had. Then the boy said "Your blessing is enough". Pause....

How many of us seek only for God's blessing in our life? God's approval in the things that we do. Not in a material way. Not in riches or wealth but just His approval in the things that we do. In knowing that the Father is pleased with us. I want His blessing. I want Him to be pleased with the things that I do. Not because I am so good and able but because I am obedient to hear Him and walk in His ways. To know that I am in His will for my life. Not to seek approval from man. Fame or wealth but just to get His blessing. His approval. "Your blessing is enough for me"