My journey...

I suddenly realised that God is not somewhere up there but He is with me. It brings me comfort. Suddenly I shudder. God you are wanting to spend this time with me. To whisper in my ear and to hear me whisper in yours. Secrets from my heart. Secrets from Your heart. I am not reaching out to HIm. He is waiting for me in the stillness of my room. His presence surrounds me. My time with God.

This morning, the sermon was about disappointments. In my journey in life, there has been a lot of disappointments. After all, God did not promise us a bed of roses. Roses have thorns too. There are a lot of things that I do not understand in my life. I do not understand why I am inflicted with my skin problem. Why I have arthritic pains and every morning when I awake, I fear standing up. Or when I see stairs, I fear walking. I do not understand why I have to go through diappointments and betrayal two years ago and then a worse one this year. I do not understand how a dream have been shattered and hope smashed. But through it all, yet will I praise Him. Despite what I am going through He is still in control of my life. I know that through this difficult journey in my life, He has never left my side. I know that He is with me. He has promised me that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that I will be ok. I feel like Job at times. Having lost health, finance, friends... but my spirit is still very much alive in Him. I am learning in my journey to trust in Him. To hang on to the faith that I have. My situation does not change who God is. It does not change His eternal promises to me. It does not change the hope that I have in Him. It does not change who I am to Him. It does not change the fact that His Kingdom can still come on earth through me. Like one wise man once said, where else can I go, He has the words of eternal life.

I went up for altar call hoping to be prayed for, to be comforted and to get direction. But I am very much surprised by what the speaker said. He simply said "Jesus just want to say thank you. Thank you for not giving up in your disappointment." I was so touched beyond words. I know Jesus really meant it. I did feel like giving up. But I know that by His grace, I have kept going. I saw this sign in China and I felt that it describe me so well. Dry but alive. I am dry but yet God can still cause things to grow in me. Cause His love to grow. Cause His understanding about the kingdom to grow. Cause me to grow closer to Him. To experience and understand the Father's love. I should say thank you God for loving me so much that you never let me fall. You said that the steps of a good man are ordered by You and though he falls, he shall not be utterly cast down for You upholds him with Your righteous right hand. I shall say with all that is within me, yet will I praise Him. It is well with my soul. Continue to uphold me in my journey.

"How long O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts, and everyday have sorrow in my heart? But I will trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me." Psalm 13

The words of a song by Tim Hughes... When The Tears Fall...

I've had questions, without answers,
I've known sorrow, I have known pain,
But there's one thing thatI'll cling to,
You are faithful, Jesus You are true,
When hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour,
When pain surrounds, I'll call you healer,
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart.

In the lone hour of my sorrow,
Through the darkest night of my soul,
You surround me, and sustain me,
My defender forevermore,
I will praise You, I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You,
I will praise You, Jesus praise You,
Through the suffering still I will sing.

I am glad that I am going through this journey in life my Lord and Saviour and not alone.

You invited me in and tried to conform me to be like the others. Promising a life that is pleasing to God. To think alike with others whom yo have invited as well. To talk the same lingo. To even dress alike. To be happy because that is how we are suppose to be. Afterall, we have found life's answer. Am I your puppet? Am I not suppose to feel anymore except that which creates happy thoughts? You said that there is freedom in Christ. You invited me into your bigger family... or have you invited me into a constituitional center. A center which teaches people like me to be alike. A center with structures and rules. Hierachy. Patterns that we need to follow so that we become an even bigger "family". If one is out of place, she will be the topic of conversation over the so called "fellowship". Yet you said you embrace all as they are? But I do not see that freedom. I see the need to conform to be like everyone else in order to be really accepted. Am I not an individual? uniquely created by the creator? With my own unique character? Where is that freedom that you keep talking about?

I see people being hipocrates but can we really blame them? There is such a need for acceptance that people will lie just to be accepted. Even live a double standard. Do we really see their struggles or are we all happy with the actor role that they play each week potraying that all is well and fine because life is suppose to be such. Afterall, we have the spirit to over come everything that life has to offer... otherwise, we are not being "spiritual" enough. We may even need discipline. We might as well be robots without feelings (by the way which God has given us). God did not say that life will be a bed of roses. Just that He will be with us through our storms. Why then do you expect people to be without problems. Could it be you do not know how to handle them? It is easier for you to say that God will take away ALL your problems. Just give it to Jesus?

You then told me that I am to be the light of the world. The salt of the earth. To bring others into this happy family. Come and their problems will be solved. Yeah by keeping quiet and by being like others. Living double standards? Will they see our lives and want a piece of it? Will they see through our false pretense? Just so we can add another number to our statistics?

You said that you are preparing yourself to be Christ's bride. What are you doing in that waiting? Building a kigdom for yourself? Toying with the lives of people? Are people your pawns in the name of expanding the kingdom of God? Yet you have become so inward focused in your preparation. Telling those whom you have brought in to your family what they want to hear just so to keep them happy. You concentrate so much on the "beauty" and the "hugeness" of the kingdom you have built. It is all to your convenience. All to your liking. Nice looking premises. Gold staircases. Comfortable seats. The best sound system the world have to offer. Making sure everything is prim and proper. Is this what being a bride is all about. Looking pretty for Him?

Where is the expression of Christ. The image of God whom you suppose to mirror? Where is His rule and reign in all these? Where is the individuals which He has created? What happened to comforting our brothers and sisters. To stand with them in adversity? Those brokenness which we were suppose to mend? Are you just another religion? Are we all happy with the way things are at the moment? What are you going to do about it?

Last Sunday at church, we sang a song which have these words. "You are the Lord of my Life". Suddenly tears just weld up in my eyes. I am singing these words but is it a reality in my life? Amongst all these confusion and dryness in my life, I still want Him as Lord of my life. Abandoning myself to Him. But what does it all mean? It is such a common phrase in the "Christian" circle. Jesus is the Lord of my life. But what does it really mean to us? Sit and do nothing and wait for Him to direct our path? Living our life as we would and trusting that He is in control? It is all too easy. It means we are no longer in control of our life. We are not the Lord of our life. We cannot have two Kings. That would cause confusion. Do we really trust Him as Lord? Do I? Trust Him in my decisions, my career, my love life, my all or do I still try to run my own life? To try to fit myself in this world. To control my destiny? I am still learning what it really entails. To have Him as Lord of my life. It is difficult to abandon oneself to someone whom we do not see. Yet I know it is the only way to true contentment. Many times I still want to take charge of my own life. But there is someone who knows me more than I do. He knows my future better than me. He knows my wants and needs more than I do. In this journey that I am taking, there are so many things to learn. Lord, I do trust you that you will guide me and lead me. The Lord of my life.

O Lord of my life,
One who guide me in my strife
O King of this life
Be with me in this journey, my life.

In the past years, there have been so many movements and "theology" that arose claiming to be from God with the backing of the Bible. Yet many times, I find that I have to relearn what I have learnt and how do I know what I am learning now is really of God? Or just another theology formed by man? Lessons from our fathers passed on from generations to generations? Are what they are passing on The truth? Have you played chinese whispers? The game which you have to whisper the message from one person to another and when it reaches the last person, you will most definately get a laugh out of it. Wonder who invented that game. Why do they call it chinese whispers anyway? What has chinese got to do with it? hrmm..

Back to my original train of thought... I saw the movie Luther and how the Roman Caotholic Fathers believed that what they are believing in is the true gospel and only Roman Catholics will go to heaven. They did things in the name of God and believed it to be from God. As long as the "Church" is growing and the "religion" is protected.

I am glad i serve a living God. I believed He raised Martin Luther to challenge the religious leaders in his day. To bring His people to return to the truth of the gospel. I guess that is why our faith is a journey. Our living out His Kingdom here on earth is a journey. As we communicate with Him and with others. We learn from Him and from each other. With His guidance. I cannot deny the existance of God cause He is so real to me. It is the discovering of Him in my journey. The living out of my life ... my "Full" life here on earth.

So here I am, learning to live out my Christian Faith. Learning the ways of the Kingdom and trusting in Him that He will lead me in the right path. Afterall, it is my heart condition that is the most important right? A heart after Him. A heart longing to please Him.


How do I know what's truth in my belief,
Or am I just like the pharisee
All in the name of "faith" you see
or could it just be me

Yet I cannot deny my experience
However small it may be
The Lord so real to me
His presence my reality

What's truth and what's not,
this journey that I walk with God
Theology, Phylosophy, is that the lot
or my experience with the living God.

They have obedience Challenge, Agility Challenge (For non-doggie people, this is where you can train your dogs to do stuff under command), lucky draws, face painting (for humans), grooming demo, heel to music demo, Free use of agility equipment (so bring your fur friends/kids), Vet consultation, Obedience workshop, etc. Definately a day with your fur friends/kids.

One of my favourite hobbies is photography. I just love taking photos. Capturing that moment through my eyes. Lately, thanks to my.... ahem.. my dad's new Canon S3, with its changgih macro function, I managed to capture a few of my masterpieces. I am very happy with them and I think that they are one of my best photos for now. Have a look.




I know I am no pro. There are people who came to me and commented that I should focus on the eyes and the composition could be better. The exposure could be better. I would want to improve myself but I am still proud of my pictures :P

It reminds me of our Loving God. No matter how imperfect we may think we are or how others criticize us about our looks, we are still God's masterpiece and He is proud of each one of us. He sees us with eyes that glows with love. Each one of us, His masterpiece and He is proud of us.

We joined a tour group on our last trip to China. There were 38 people in the group. Huge group to my opinion. Being a big group, there are bound to be all sorts of character. Two different group of people particularly caught my interest.

The first, proclaimed that they are Christians (and I have no doubt of that). After all, they did carry their bibles around and talk "christian" stuff. But they were the ones who ocmplained the most the entire trip. Complained about the food quality (which is fair enough cause we did not have the best of food in China). Complained about the service. The tour guide. Always demanding their rights. I remember sitting in front of them in the bus when we reached a buddhist temple as part of our sight seeing and so that some of our buddhist peers could pray to their god. But when we reached the destination and time to get off, comments from the back came flying "do we have to get down? We are Christians and we do not pray at temples." In my heart I was thinking if you do not like so many things in this tour, why did you even join? Even if you do not pray at temples, where is that respect for others. Nothing about them speaks of Christ or His love in their words or deeds. Always waiting to be served and just cause they are "rich" materially, they demand for their "rights".

The second group, an old couple who when we reached a crowded restaurant, and the waitresses were very busy and could hardly cope with the number of people, the others were complaining of "bad" service, they went to take hot water and tea and towels for us. They served us. Without an utter of complain. Infact, they were serving with happy hearts. I had the opportunity to sit with the aunty one of the bus trips and only then did I find out that they were Christians too.

So very different. The first and the second group. How many of us are quick to say that we are Christians and then become very leaglistic about it. Pull our weigh around but nothing about us speaks of the love of Christ. How many of us are willing to serve letting go of our "rights". Even if it "seems unfair" yet we are willing to give of ourself? Even if we do something that seems to "lower our status".

Christ came to serve and not to be served. He did not seek to be "right". He simply was. He did not seek to be of the same status or higher than the Pharisees. Infact, He was comstantly with the poor and the rejected of society.


Matt 23:25... "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs. which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bomes and everything unclean."

I am not here to judge the first group or people like that. But it makes me think... Have man kind really changed. We keep battling with the same issues in the church. Have we not learnt or is it in our nature. Human nature. Which group then do I belong to? Do I demand for my rights too. We may think that we are alright but at times we do not see our own faults. Sometimes we try to live a "righteous" life but who are we kidding? I know that God still have a lot to clean up "inside" of me. Purify my heart God.