My journey...

This morning, the sermon was about disappointments. In my journey in life, there has been a lot of disappointments. After all, God did not promise us a bed of roses. Roses have thorns too. There are a lot of things that I do not understand in my life. I do not understand why I am inflicted with my skin problem. Why I have arthritic pains and every morning when I awake, I fear standing up. Or when I see stairs, I fear walking. I do not understand why I have to go through diappointments and betrayal two years ago and then a worse one this year. I do not understand how a dream have been shattered and hope smashed. But through it all, yet will I praise Him. Despite what I am going through He is still in control of my life. I know that through this difficult journey in my life, He has never left my side. I know that He is with me. He has promised me that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that I will be ok. I feel like Job at times. Having lost health, finance, friends... but my spirit is still very much alive in Him. I am learning in my journey to trust in Him. To hang on to the faith that I have. My situation does not change who God is. It does not change His eternal promises to me. It does not change the hope that I have in Him. It does not change who I am to Him. It does not change the fact that His Kingdom can still come on earth through me. Like one wise man once said, where else can I go, He has the words of eternal life.

I went up for altar call hoping to be prayed for, to be comforted and to get direction. But I am very much surprised by what the speaker said. He simply said "Jesus just want to say thank you. Thank you for not giving up in your disappointment." I was so touched beyond words. I know Jesus really meant it. I did feel like giving up. But I know that by His grace, I have kept going. I saw this sign in China and I felt that it describe me so well. Dry but alive. I am dry but yet God can still cause things to grow in me. Cause His love to grow. Cause His understanding about the kingdom to grow. Cause me to grow closer to Him. To experience and understand the Father's love. I should say thank you God for loving me so much that you never let me fall. You said that the steps of a good man are ordered by You and though he falls, he shall not be utterly cast down for You upholds him with Your righteous right hand. I shall say with all that is within me, yet will I praise Him. It is well with my soul. Continue to uphold me in my journey.

"How long O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts, and everyday have sorrow in my heart? But I will trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me." Psalm 13

The words of a song by Tim Hughes... When The Tears Fall...

I've had questions, without answers,
I've known sorrow, I have known pain,
But there's one thing thatI'll cling to,
You are faithful, Jesus You are true,
When hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour,
When pain surrounds, I'll call you healer,
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart.

In the lone hour of my sorrow,
Through the darkest night of my soul,
You surround me, and sustain me,
My defender forevermore,
I will praise You, I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You,
I will praise You, Jesus praise You,
Through the suffering still I will sing.

I am glad that I am going through this journey in life my Lord and Saviour and not alone.