My journey...

I just came back from camp. I did not have any expectations at all for this camp. (Sorry that our backdrop is so disco tech-ish). No excitement for it till the first session. When I read about the speaker, to be honest, all that jump out at me was the 30 second kneeldown to pray. I thought that the whole camp was to be a prayer camp. A friend of mine later said that we kneel down to pray for 30 seconds every minute! I repent for judging. I guess I have this thing about prayer. I do like to pray and I do believe in prayer but many times, it can just be too "super spiritual". Something for God to deal with me.

For about one or two years now, I have been challenged by the church "system". About what we do in church. How we are Christians manufacturer. Manufacturing Christians who think and speak alike. I have been caught up in that myself. There was a young christian in my previous church and we are trying to disciple her to be a "good" christian. We told her how to pray. Asked her to go for prayer meetings. All the meetings that we have. If she did not go, we present her with a series of questions and try to persuade her that it was good for her. Her lifestyle have to be of a certain standard. She has to be involved in ministry in order to grow and "know God". We know the right things to do. The right things to say. What happened in the end was that this girl got so tired of playing church that she left church completely. Those of us who are still blinded by the "ideal" church still tries to live in that "ideal" state and tries to maintain the system. The same way of doing things. 5 fast song and 5 slow songs, the sermon, altar call and then church is done. Fellowship. 5 steps to happiness. Discipleship aka "Leadership" development. People who are there to make sure that church is functioning properly. Things are in order. Is this what God has called us to? To be happy in playing church? Putting on the mask everyweek to perform our "Christian duty" and for those more "spiritual" to come for midweek activities. Conferences. Cell groups. What happened to the church being for the people? We can argue that the structure is for the people but what if we take that away, do we then know how to "Play" church?

I always enjoyed going to Cambodia and India and Sri Lanka where the church is for the people. Though they try to copy what we are doing in our "Mega" churches but the small village church is a picture of what God has called us to. To be a blessing to the community around us. To bring the Kingdom of God in their midst. Where church is the expression of God's love in action.

This camp blew me away because on the first session, God addressed this issue. The speaker spoke about going back to our first love. We have been professional church goers. Knowing what to do and what to say. At times, even evangelism and praying for people can be out of a routine. Like what Malaysians would say "Close eye also can do le". But we need to go back to our first love. To do things out of love not routine and duty. Where is the expression of the kingdom? The power of the Holy Spirit? The space for God to move? Church has become a bless me club. Make me feel good about myself and our so called helping others are because it is our Christian duty to. It also assures me that I am alright and not just being rebellious or getting out of my mind.

It is comforting to hear this from a speaker from the US who is now staying in South Africa because you come to a realisation that God is placing this uneasiness in the hearts of many around the world so that truly His kingdom can come and His will can be done. We worship the same spirit who presents the same message. I long to see the manifestation of God. The signs. The miracles. The realness of the gospel come to life. The Kingdom of God expressed. Just think if this passion and desire is put in the hearts of people around the world, what would the church of God look like.

This is easier said than done cause if we really want that Kingdom to come, we have to be shaken out of our comfort zone. We have to be givers instead of receivers. Our life is not ours anymore. we have to loose control for Him to be in control. We have to break our mindset and our worldview.



This camp, God has once again challenged me. Reminded me of my calling. I cannot say that I can live that life of total abandanment to Him now. But I am willing for Him to lead me and teach me. I want to see His kingdom expressed. There has to be more than just be a professional church goer. To keep the Christians happy. To making sure that church is run smoothly.

He is slowly teaching me to see with eyes of faith. To trust even though I do not see the things I am trusting in. It is like walking in the path where you could only see one step in front of you. Once in a while, like a flas of lightning, you manage to catch a glimpse of what is in front but it is only in a flash of the eye. It is those flashes that keep me going. Having just a glimpse of what could be. I trust that He will not let me fall when I walk. It is scary and painful when he reveals the intents of my heart. I have to admit that a lot of my mindset and the way I do things is still very much according to what I was taught by the church but now I want to be taught by Him. Teach me Your ways so that I can walk in Your path. Keep me in this passion to want You will be done cause sometimes I just forget when my flesh gets in the way.