My journey...

Having worked in the church for 8 years and being "active" in church ministries since I was a teenager, I had my self worth in what I did. A youth leader, children church teacher, worship ministry, being a church staff, I kept myself busy with church. Everything evolves around the church life. That has given me my self worth. I thrive in them. I am more than happy to be involved. That gave me a sense of belonging. A sense of importance.

Lately, a lot has happened in my life and I slowly felt that I am not satisfied being in church. I sense such an uneasiness. An unwillingness to be involved in anything and so the beginning of this year, I quit my "ministries". I quit being a church staff. Not really knowing what I was doing but it has to be done. Thought I was back-slidding. I felt really lost for a while. I did not even feel like going to church. A bit disorientated. I did not know what He was doing. I thank God that He never left me. That He had a plan and a purpose.

I rested for a few months and took interest in what I like doing. Meeting people still. Pursuing my hobby in photography and that has given me satisfaction. In it, I found who I am in God. I begin to find my worth in Him again. Now I realise how important it was to me being a church staff and how it was taking me away from really knowing Him. I can be involved in chruch activities and yet still miss the point. I put my self worth in the wrong places. I guess that was why I felt disoriented cause I have been putting my self worth in what I was doing. Who I have become not who I am. Partly because it was drummed into me that I need to strive to be a leader. Then I will be a successful christian. Success as a Christian is not in the ranks or in the ministry that I am involved in. But subconsciously, I made it so in my life.

Now whether being a leader or not is not important. I am still wanting to be in ministries not because of how it made me feel. Not because it will make me feel secure but because I love the people and I love God. My worth is in Him. And I do things because of who He has made me to be. Doing things which I love like the photography workshop coming up in my church. I know that it will bring Him honor. If it does not work out, I will not feel discouraged about it. Though I will give it my best cause I am doing it for Him.