My journey...

Kingdom sense

2011-12-15T01:05:00.000-08:00

Have you heard, he was born in a manger? Son of a carpenter? Look at his clothes. He does not even have a home. Let alone a palace. He cannot be the messiah. He cannot be the promised King. He is not even a warrior. Such a disgrace. How can it be?

They did not believe that Jesus was the Promised Messiah. He does not resemble a King nor was he a picture of grandeur. Messianic beliefs or theories generally relate to an improvement of the state of humanity or the world. To their human understanding, Christ certainly was no good representation of that. They interpreted the work of God through human eyes. Some are still waiting till today.

Sometimes what makes sense may not be “kingdom sense”. May this Christmas season be a good reminder to us that we need to see things God’s way and work closely with Him who has the master plan. Let us not rely solely on our own logic or worldview but trust in His prompting and guidance. Isaiah 55:9 says “For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts”.

Contextualisation?

2011-12-14T23:23:00.000-08:00

I was at the "Islamic Arts Museum" the other day and they were exhibiting artifacts from China and showed how the "muslim arts" in China looked like. The Chinese actually adapted the Jawi and wrote it with broad strokes like they would their Chinese characters. The mosque in China looks very Chinese as well. Chinese looking building with the curved roofs. If I google churches in China, guess what. Most of it looks like church buildings you will find in the west. No wonder Asian says that Christianity is a "western" religion. We tend to copy the culture of the west. Even to the church building. The preachers come in suit and tie.

When or how do we learn to adapt the different cultures to our faith? God is not limited to just one culture but he is the creator of them. How would worship look like if we worship him in our different cultures and styles? I always do appreciate the different ways people worship in the different countries. Perhaps we should be more aware especially when we are in the context of a different culture not to impose our own worldview to them. Just a thought.

Its not an App

2011-11-14T20:16:00.001-08:00

The new craze in the world is tablets. I am not talking about the kind you consume when you are sick or the ones which God gave Moses. I am talking about the ipads, the galaxy tabs, iphones or android phones. Tablets are the "in thing" of today. An advertisement from Apple states "There is an app for that". I would like to remind us that there is no app for community. There is no app for the human touch. I agree that technology has made communications is very different and the world is made much smaller but nothing beats the human touch. We have "facebook" which is the online community but that too cannot replace 'face to face' meetings.

Have you heard of Cyber church? You do not even need to physically be in church. You can "attend" church right there in the comfort of your own home.

How easy is it for us to stay in our own "space" doing the things we are so busy with that we forget that God has intended for us to live in communities. Yes we can keep in touch when we are in front of the computer or on our phones but you and I know it is more than that.

Communities are not there so that we can have a social life. Something to occupy our time. Communities help us to stay on track. They are meant to encourage us in our journey. They are a source of encouragement and support. They pray for each other and help each other out. Jesus modeled real community not an app. Think of someone you can invite for coffee today.

No Short Cut

2011-10-06T19:40:00.000-07:00

On my journey since I have started writing my blog, my walk has been very rocky and dry. Attempts to draw near to God seems to be fail again and again. He seem to bring me to a state of desperation where I have no where or no one to turn to except to Him. There are a lot of things which I do not understand. Why certain things happens this way and not that? Why do I have to go through what I have went through?

I am sure that Job did not understand either. Why did he have to loose everything. Who can comprehend the ways of the Lord? But in the end, Job says "My ears have heard of you but now my eyes have seen you" (Job 42:4-6). Isn't that just lovely? I am sure it was not a physical figure that Job has seen that made him believe. But seeing with his spiritual eyes the greatness and the glory of God. His experience has caused him not to look at his circumstance but at the bigger picture. His reliant and need for God. Not for him to understand his circumstance but for him to know that God who knows all things, who has his best interest is with him and that Job has a hope in this God.

There are no short cuts in our journey. We cannot rise "Above" our painful circumstance and pretend that it did not happen. That is lying to yourself. But we can have hope in a God who knows and trust in Him and walk with Him through our circumstance. Hopefully in the end, we can say with Job "now my eyes have seen You."

A Form of Godliness

2011-10-06T19:37:00.001-07:00

I have been dwelling on the verse which someone who spoke in our church gave about a month ago now. It is found in 2 Tim 3:5. "having a form of godliness but denying its power".

We can appear Godly but lack the power of God. The power which comes from a relationship with him. The power to live our Christian life day to day. We can call ourselves Christian and even go to church faithfully but if we do not have a relationship with God and without the power of God working in and through us, what is Christianity but another form of religion. We can say the right things, know the bible even as knowledge but that is just the form of godliness. The Pharisees who persecuted Jesus, were bible scholars in their time.

What good is it to have the form of godliness without its power?

I would think that by having the power of God does not mean that we are performing miraculous acts all the time. Even those who can perform miracles do not know God. Though I do not deny that there will be miracles that will happen. Neither does it imply that we will see great things all the time. Though we will see great things in God. Having the power of God could simply mean living a life that is ordered by him with him being the Lord in out lives. It would be in the simplicity of our life that we see His working in and through us. It is in his leading through the stillness of His voice that we see him work. In recognizing Him in everything that we do. And in obeying his voice when we hear it. And in that, we can be amazed at who this God is. That he is active in our lives and not just a religious "theory".

How many Christians only think about God on a Sunday and when they are in trouble? No wonder the Christian life can be so mundane. People can get bored of religion but you cannot get bored of a living God who is actively working in and through our lives. We need to begin to recognize this and work together with him and we will be amazed to see the power of God.

Happy Easter

2011-03-22T21:00:00.000-07:00

I could not imagine what went through the disciples' minds as they watched Christ being arrested and then sentenced to the cross. Their Messiah. The one whom they think will rule and will give them a great and comfortable life. They even argued who will sit on his right and on his left. But what is this? He is going to be hung on the cross? Were we wrong to think that he is the promised Messiah?

We know that they were not wrong. God works in ways we cannot comprehend. With all the wars and unrest, earthquakes and tsunami, many will again be wondering about this God. What is God doing?

Jesus promised a helper to his disciples when he is gone. The Holy Spirit who will be with them. Teaching them, guiding them and comforting them. We have this helper with us today. We may not understand but we can trust in a God who knows. May we bring the Kingdom of God into the midst of those who have yet to know the true meaning of Easter and the hope that it brings.

Traffic Lights

2010-07-29T00:12:00.000-07:00

Last week, I was late for church and as I journey to church, all the traffic lights were green and I happily drove through them. That morning, during worship, I felt an impression that sometimes, in our lives, our journey is like that morning. Sometimes God will give us green light all the way and we are happy. We can cruise through life smoothly. When we see green lights, we sometimes so not even think about what if there is a car who does not obey the lights and we will crash. We have the faith that the other cars coming from the various directions will stop. That you will be safe. Sometimes, that faith can fail us. When God gives us green lights, we can trust him that we can proceed.

Sometimes, He will give us red lights and we are forced to stop and wait. Red lights are necessary for us so that we do not get hit by oncoming traffic. God will cause our journey to come to a halt and all we can do is wait. We may not see the consequences of moving but it seems wise to wait. It is actually for our own protection and for our own good.

We do not like red lights cause we think that it is a waste of time. Pointless at times. Sometimes when the lights are faulty, there is chaos and we seem to enjoy those chaos rather than wait. Then we get stuck or get into an accident which will be prevented if proper lights are in place. It is wise to wait at red lights and to wait for the next instruction.

Learning to read God's traffic lights. When I should wait and when I should go. Trusting in Him that He has planned out my journey.

letting go (Gary Valenciano)

2010-07-20T02:31:00.000-07:00

Found this song. It really spoke to my heart. Letting go. It is so difficult to let go of our own desires simply to trust in a God whom we cannot see but that is all that we have to do.

This has been God's challenge to me in the past week. Is to let go of my own control and to trust Him completely. Not to try to make something out of my life or to try to make things happen but to allow Him to guide me and teach me. It is the hardest thing at the moment. All those questions about "what if I got it wrong?" "What if God does not care?" Already I feel like I am hanging on to nothing but disappointments. But deep inside as God speaks to me I know that it is not the case. Just like the words of the song. Let go and you will understand....

Blessings

2010-04-26T00:52:00.000-07:00

I was in class the other day and we talking about God's blessings. And sometimes as Christians we seem to be worse off than the non-christians in wealth and materials. How then can we talk about blessings?

I think we need to firstly put away our world view of what blessings are. To the world, Blessings are things which are good. Riches, wealth, power, happiness. The Kingdom of God is always the opposite and perhaps in God's eyes, things which we may consider "Bad" are blessings. For examples, trials that we are going through or temptations. Things that help us to grow and mold our hearts.

Job was going through a lot of Calamities but to God, it was an opportunity to mold Job. It was a blessing in the end. In God's eyes, the important thing is a man's heart. Not his wealth. Not even how much power he has or how well known you are.

A butterfly has to squeeze out of its cocoon to push fluids out to its wings so that it can fly. If you remove that pressure, the butterfly will not be able to fly. It will have an easy journey out into the world but it will be useless. The difficult push out of the cocoon is a blessing to the butterfly.

That is why Romans 5:3-5 says "... also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Perhaps this is the reason why we blame God that we cannot see His blessings. Because our idea of blessings is different from His? Our blessings comes when we walk closely to Him. When we learn to do His will and when we learn to walk with Him. When our hearts are shaped and molded to be more like His. Perhaps to the extent of participating in His suffering. Then we store up for ourselves treasures which are in heaven.

Mega

2010-04-12T23:42:00.001-07:00

We found our Dog unable to get up one day and we suspect that he had a mild stroke. One of his hind leg was not working. He could not stand up on his own and needed us to pull him up to be able to stand. He looked really sick and we were going to put him down. We cannot be helping him stand up all the time and to watch him suffer.

My care group prayed for him and the very next day, there was a very dark thunder storm. Apparently there was hail stones in my area. The loudness of the thunder and the change in weather must have caused Mega to force himself up and since then, he was able to stand up himself. He is getting better now. He is able to even climb stairs on his own. God was so quick to answer our prayers. Mega is such a gift from God. His life is such a miracle. This is the second time that he is so sick. The last time, the Vet wanted us to put him down but thanks to my dad who wanted to wait, Mega was cured. Now this is the second time.

Although I know that he will not live much longer, Mega the dog has encouraged me. To help me see that there is hope though situation seems bleak. Mega I love you.

My new phone

2010-04-12T23:14:00.001-07:00

I saw the facebook photo idea where they commit themselves to take a picture a day. I was thinking about what a brilliant idea. A picture speaks more than a thousand words and to be conscious about God in my midst, I can take a picture a day which I sense God is there working in my life. Sometimes we can just go through the whole day without realizing His presence. I love taking pictures and if I consciously do something I love, then I consciously seek for God in my daily routine.

I thought it was a brilliant idea but I did not have a good camera phone that I can take around with me or a small enough camera. So I brushed the idea aside. I shared it with my care group members. They suggested I change my phone but I had no reason to. It is still working perfectly fine. Then the very next day, my phone died. Literally. I had to go get a new phone. I went to the shop and the first phone that captured my attention was the Nokia 7230 simply because it is a slide phone (which is my personal preference) and also because of its 3.2 mega pixel camera.

I shall be attempting to take a picture a day. Some of which I shall even blog about. Having started for a few weeks now, I realised that somethings you cannot really capture. with the camera. How can you capture certain things which God is working in our hearts? Take a picture of my heart? But my "project" has caused me to be more aware of God being active in my daily life. It has caused me to look out for little "sign posts" along my life's journey.

Easter at the Park

2010-04-05T01:36:00.000-07:00

My alarm rang at 5am and it was so difficult to get out of bed. Not to mention the fact that it was raining and we were going to be meeting at the park. Surely we will be drenched and in my mind was all sorts of excuses why I should not go. But I got out of bed. and got ready and drove myself to the park. It was drizzling but not too bad. People started to gather. Some were very sleepy. Some were excited. Some just came to participate.

The sermon ended and then started our celebration. Our "Family" celebration. People brought out their breakfast to be shared with all. It was a feast. There is something about food that binds people. Binds the hearts of people.

We ended the day with family games and we all enjoyed ourselves. I was glad that I went. I would have missed a glimpse about the true meaning of "church" where the people came together to share what they had. Where there is such a sense of family warmth. Embracing one another and having fun together just hanging out with each other and with our Lord.

In the midst of the day, there was a lovely rainbow. A sign of God's promise that He will fulfill his covenant with us. This is God's church and He will fulfill his covenant with His church. His will for the church will be established as long as the people seek after Him with a pureness of heart and desire. We are not perfect but our God looks at the heart. Those who seek Him will find Him.

One thing which my church has gone through is hardship together and we have stuck through thick and thin. Of course we have our differences in opinion but one thing in common which we have is that we love God and we love the people. The rainbow reminds me that God is ultimately in control. He is a covenant keeping God.

Thoughts from the book of Eli

2010-03-24T19:15:00.000-07:00

I am sure that there will be many Christians who will blog about the "Book of Eli". Afterall, you do not have to think really hard to link it to the Bible. Here are my thoughts about the movie.

I have been pondering about the verse in 2 Timothy "Having a form of Godliness but denying the power of God". I am more convinced that the power of God is found in our relationship with God. "Duh". Jesus mentioned in Matthew 7 "Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'". It is the heart after God that is where the power of God is. Not in the outward but in the inward. The power of God is not in what we can do but how our hearts are responding to him.

Back to the "Book of Eli." This man Eli had a purpose from God. He heard that God has called him to go west. He is secure and sure with his God. He knew what God wanted of him and he believed and went. That is the power of God. Us responding to his call. Walking so closely with him. Hearing from His heart and acting on it. Eli heard the call of God. For 30 years he just followed that call. It would be easy to give up. I believed he did not give was because he kept a close relationship with this God. He can tell them that God says .... His relationship is current. With that confidence and that faith, it gave him strength.

Then there is this bad guy who wanted the word of God so badly. Not for others but for himself. To dominate people who are hungry to hear the word. Hungry for the faith and hope that the word of God delivers. Then he plan to control these people when their hearts are touched. This is not something new. Even in the time of Martin Luther, leaders of the church have been controlling people with the word. In the name of religion. Made them pay taxes. Extort their money and possessions. Control their minds. Not that the people are weak but because they are the one who are entrusted with the word of God. The teachers of the word that captures the heart of the people. Even when we go back to the time of Jesus. You will find such people. Those who misuse the "power" given to them. Today you will find these people as well. Sad to say. I attended a meeting once and the person collecting offering actually said "God is ready to bless you if you give. Think of what you want and the more you give, the more he will bless." Where is the teaching about the heart of giving? Then there are those who misuse their power as a leader and control church members to achieve their own goals. To make a name for themselves. Not for God.

Of course the show is fiction. but the values and the lessons are very applicable. You can even find stories in the bible with like themes. Where the purposes of God is always achieved even though he uses us mere human beings to achieve them. God will always be with those whose hearts are after him. People who does great things not because of their ability but because of the power of God in them. People who have a relationship with God. Trusted in his word and believed will see great things. It is not about how much we know the word or do "His" work. It is about how we walk with him. How we draw close to him. As we do that, we become more like Christ and more like the original intention He created us for. To have a relationship with Him.

We do not need to strive for perfection. We cannot be perfect. Imagine The Pharisees. Those who knows the word and the law and lived according to it. But their hearts are cold and far from God. Then imagine Peter. Who always seem to get himself in trouble. One moment he had this revelation that Jesus is the Son of God and the next, Jesus has to rebuke the devil in him for denying the work of God. He is the one who says that he will not deny Jesus but shortly after denied Jesus 3 times because of fear. Yet when he heard the cock crows, he broke down to cry cause he knows he has disappointed Jesus. He knows that what Jesus said was true. He had a relationship with Jesus and he was sorry for his action.

Jesus did not go to comfort the Pharisee who have plotted the death of Jesus. This is not because they have plotted his death. Jesus went after Peter who have denied him to restore him because of the love for each other. Jesus assured Peter 3 times and then commissioned him to take care of the flock. The power of God. Working in the hearts of those who love him. After that, Peter did wonderful things for God but the love for God came first. That relationship came first. The heart of a man after God's own heart. The wonder of the gospel. It is not in what we can do but what God can do through us. He works from the inside out.

Someone said this profound statement. If you break an egg from the outside, it kills it. But if the egg is broken from the inside, that is life that will come out.

Peter was not perfect. David who is known as a man after God's own heart was not perfect. He committed murder and adultery. We are not perfect. But if we walk closely with God allowing him to cause life to grow from the inside of us, many will be blessed. The power of God comes only from a heart that is after His. A heart that desire His.

My lesson from Avatar

2010-02-03T20:49:00.000-08:00

I just saw Avatar. After hearing so much about it from friends that it was the best movie, great effects, amazing, etc. It is a good movie and it kept me entertained for almost 3 hours! The "bad" guys wanted this special rock that lies under the ground of this whole ecosystem which supports life. They will have to get rid of the ecosystem to get to this so called "treasure". They then wanted to destroy the tree that the natives live in and before their operation, the hero of the film said the most important and valuable thing is not the rocks underground but what is seen. The whole eco system. If we destroy that, everything will be gone for they are all linked together.

How often we chase our dreams and ideals of life. Things that we do not see yet. But things which society perhaps tells us that we should have. Riches. Position. Power. The "treasure" that we seek out to find. We work hard and set targets to achieve for hopefully "something better" in life. Some of us go through all costs but we fail to acknowledge the simple things that surrounds us. Things that we take for granted and yet these are the things that keep us going. Like our family. Our friends. The things that we have at the moment. We neglect for something greater which when we get it may not be all that valuable. I am not saying that it is not good to have targets and dreams. But at what cost?

How foolish we humans are. In the bigger scale, in the name of development, we build cities and empires, cutting down forests and trees. Now we learn to regret... but the damage has been done. We are doing the same to our own personal lives. Neglecting things that are fundamental in our lives. Our spiritual walk. Our health. Our family.... Think about it.

Another Year passes by

2009-12-29T23:10:00.001-08:00

Another year is passing by. This year seems to have gone past really quickly. I have not had time to sit and digest what this year has been. The theme for our church Christmas is Emmanuel, God with us. This certainly has been my theme for the year. With so many things that seem to have happened, God is with me. Through the thick and the thin, God is there. I went for a silent retreat this year. Discovered again a renewed love of God and love for God. God revealed to me the Father's heart through the story of Mary and Martha, through the parable of the prodigal son, through nature, through the stillness and the quietness of my heart.

How through nature you may say. I remembered one morning during my silent retreat, I was captured by a tiny flower growing by the road. I went near to have a look and God said "look how delicate and precious this flower is. Look at the little details in the flowers. I take care of the details in your life too and you are more precious than this flower. You are my precious." Throughout the whole time of silent retreat, it was like God sending me little love notes. Love messages through nature. I also saw a heart shaped leaf growing out of a bush whose leaves are red. Like God's little romantic gesture to me. Wooing me.

This year has also been a year of growing. A year of learning. Started again on my studies and my modules. My theology classes. It has been a year of knowing him more. A year of Growing. I feel that it is a year of preparation. Preparation for something that lies ahead. But at this moment my vision of what is ahead is very blurry. Just like sheep in a holding pen. Waiting for the release to another pasture. But that is not for me to worry about. What I need to do is to look to Him. To gaze my eyes upon Him and follow.

Paul mentioned in his sermon once said that we do not ask to mature in Him but ask to know more of His love for us. That is what will transform us. And ultimately help us grow in Him.

God revealed the condition of my heart. I have not really known the Father's love for me. I have not really understood the extent of his love for me. Perhaps we will never really know the full extent but He shall reveal to us more and more as we seek Him.

This year has its moments of ups and also moments of down. Moments where I really feel very very stretched. To the Max. Where all I can do is look to Him. Trust in Him. Sometimes I wonder where that faith lies but I am thankful that though we may lack faith, He still remains faithful. That is my God.

With a thankful heart I leave 2009 behind. With hope and faith I enter 2010.

One year is near its expiration
Another year waits in anticipation
What would be my expeditions?
what could be my expectations?

I do love the church

2009-11-17T18:27:00.001-08:00

Listening to stories about the imperfection of the church, makes me love the church even more. Because the church is made up of imperfect people. There are many who suffers under the system of the church. Many who have been hurt by the church. Who will then love them?

The church is the bride of Christ. He is the head and the church His body. How can we embrace Christ and not embrace his bride?. How can we love Christ and not love His body. How God will weep for the state of the church because it is in His heart. God loves His church because it is made up of His people and this is how we are called into community with each other. As imperfect as the church is, there has to be a love for the church.

I am learning how to love the church. Perhaps it starts with one person at a time. I do thank God for His grace and His patience. His grace that though many churches are walking in their own selfish desires and system, He still causes people to grow and He still blesses them with His gifts and love. Shouldn't we then also love the church because it is in the heart of God?

It is not for us to judge the church. For judgment comes from God. It is for us to walk in obedience to His calling. For us to embrace that which is in His heart. To work together with Him to see His kingdom come. To see His plans restored to what He intends it to be. Focusing too much on the imperfection of the church blinds us to what is really important. The people.

The will of God and the love of God for the people. If we begin to look at people the way God looks at them, the imperfection of the church will not even bother you cause you are there for the people. You are there to love the people of God. Together we learn to embrace the will of God. Together with all our own imperfections we learn to walk the way of the Kingdom. With Christ truly as the head.

Illness and Church

2009-11-01T01:40:00.001-07:00

I came by this article about people with illness and how the church has treated them... I could so relate to it because I myself have been suffering from an illness that the doctors say cannot be healed. For me, even sitting and standing up sometimes takes an extra effort. Below is the comments of people. While the church demands at times for perfection, it just need to realise that it is made up of imperfect people. And some are "suffering in silence".

Living with chronic illness is lonely. Everyone around us seems to be enjoying health, happiness and the ability to pursue their dreams. But we are lonely, scared, and disappointed. We are living with an illness that we have not been able to pray away, cry away, or confess away and so we turn to our church for guidance and acceptance. But churches are made up of people—all of us imperfect. We asked our readers, What would you like your pastor to know about living with a chronic illness and your need to serve others, or be ministered to, within the body? Here are some of your heart-felt replies.

I know I am young and you may not believe I am feeling well enough for leadership, but the Lord has worked in my life in so many ways through my illness and I am bursting to be a part of an “illness ministry” to encourage others. Please make some time to sit down and let me share my new calling with you. —Renee

It is very difficult for me to get to church due to the fact that the services are about three hours long and I have problems sitting for long periods of time. When I come, I have to choose between worship or the sermon. No one ever calls or checks to see why I am not there and I used to be one of their Sunday school teachers. I think they have a problem with the fact that I am one of those that have not been healed. —Doris

Every time we have gone to church and we have gone for prayer and I have sought out help, people keep telling me one of two things: “Patty, by His Stripes, You are healed… You must have faith; if you have faith then you will be healed,” or “You must not be praying hard enough.” I can’t tell you how much that hurts, and how I keep feeling like a failure when I am told that. —Patty

Some of us simply want to rest confidently in the Lord and rely on Him for provision during long periods of ill health. I want rest, calm and privacy—not to be cut off from kindly connection with people—but not to have knocks on my door at all hours of the day and night, either! —Caron

There needs to be a ministry devoted entirely to helping others: meals to the woman who just had a baby or rides to doctor appointments. Please help me out by seeing past the “you look fine, so you must feel fine” mentality. —Bridget

Those who live with chronic illness need understanding first, love second, and challenge third. There are times when an ill person can’t function, and the church and its leaders need to be understanding, prayerful and available—for solving practical needs as well as spiritual counsel. —Kay

Find out limitations, hindrances to participation. Ask, “What barriers, hindrances are there that prevent you from coming to church, worshipping with us, participating fully?” or “What can we do to help you to be able to participate more fully in church life?”

Be supportive, take me seriously, not down-playing my illness and yet not drawing too much attention to it either. Suggest helpful tapes, books and articles that help me keep my eyes focused on God.

I’d like people in the church to ask how they can help me in practical ways and offer some suggestions of what they could do, such as: rides to doctors, doing shopping, baking or housecleaning.

Invite me to activities even if I probably can’t attend and when inviting, give as much details re the proceedings, program, length, environment, etc as you can. Don’t be hurt if I can’t come.
—Marguerite

Even though I went through physical therapy and rehabilita-tion, I was unable to continue working. This was very devastating. In the months following the accident, I learned to rely on my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for comfort.

My husband was also disabled and this caused a greater stress. I was most grieved because my church family didn’t visit and the telephone calls were few. Don’t just tell people you’re praying for them. Come pray with them. Don’t ask if there’s anything you can do, come prepared to do!

Don’t ask if there is a financial need; think of the expenses you have in your household and, if they don’t have an income, there has to be a need. Don’t think that because they aren’t complaining they aren’t hurting. Don’t tell them to “give their problems to God.” Take that person and their problems in your hands and hold them up before God. —Wanda

Please don’t discuss details of my illness with others without my expressed permission. When someone asks how I’m doing, they don’t need to know that I now have a catheter. Ask me, “When others ask, what shall I tell them?” I will be happy to tell you how much information to share. —Rev. Koiv

My pastor feels very uncomfortable with people who cannot work hard and “Go! Go! Go!” for the Lord. His sermons are filled with “You must do this and you must do that!” I leave the service beaten up in spirit because my body is unable to “Go! Go! Go!” I fight depression because of the chronic pain and lack of sleep so I’m not “Happy! Happy! Happy!” all of the time. He feels that if you don’t “whistle while you work” then you better get on your knees before God! (Like I could get down on my knees and then get up again?) —Judy

My church seems to operate under the misconception that a person who is disabled by a chronic illness, as I am, doesn’t need to serve the church. They are content with my just showing up for worship when I am able.

I feel a compelling need to serve my Lord and my church. But I am no longer physically able to fill any of their traditional roles offered as service opportunities. When suggesting possible alternatives, I am met by rejection where it might cause someone else more work, or they just can’t see out of ‘the box’, or simply patted on the head and told to rest and not worry. This makes me feel useless, helpless, and a “lesser” person in the church – a burden.

My disability makes it extremely difficult for me to counteract these obstacles – I need my pastor or another leader to champion my cause for me. I need him to teach/motivate others in the church to extend a hand so that I might participate as fully as God allows. —Jean

As my pain grew worse over time, I realized that I could not do all the ministry that I wanted to do and had been doing; I am the pastor’s wife and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It was difficult for me to admit to our congregation that it was physically necessary for me to relieve myself of certain duties since I appeared fine. I periodically missed church, but I tried to go no matter how I felt.

As time went on, I decided to give up areas of ministry: I quit teaching; I quit singing in the choir; I quit being the secretary. I stood up in a service and, by way of testimony, explained my situation. The people were very supportive and did not look down on me because I was withdrew myself from ministry. Our church was encouraged to get behind me and hold me up. My (pastor) husband made sure that he provided updates on my progress.It was important to me that he validated my illness and supported my decisions.

It is difficult when someone steps down from ministry in order to attend to the physical needs of their bodies. But God has told us that this is his Temple and we are to take care of it. God sent new families to our church during my time of hiatus from ministry. My husband was very influential in plugging them into the vacant ministries. Because he supported me and my decision to remove myself, others were given the opportunity to serve the Lord and I have been able to focus on my relationship with the Lord more through this time. —Pamela

-ljc

Another IQ test?

2009-10-26T00:19:00.000-07:00

Sorry that I have so many IQ tests posts but a friend convinced me to take this high society IQ test and I managed to scraped in to joining the international high IQ society. (I dropped in IQ from the last test :P.... see below) I can get a cert too... If I pay for it. I do not know what privilege the cert or joining the society do but it is good to know that I am in the top 5% of society. So How can I use this to glorify God?

YOUR IQ SCORE IS:

127

Your score places you in the top five percent of the population. This qualifies you for membership in the International High IQ Society.

Genious??

2009-10-25T05:46:00.001-07:00

I did another IQ test and I just scraped through to being a genious.. hee hee

Free-IQTest.net - IQ Score

Intelligence Interval	Cognitive Designation
40 - 54	Severely challenged (Less than 1% of test takers)
55 - 69	Challenged (2.3% of test takers)
70 - 84	Below average
85 - 114	Average (68% of test takers)
115 - 129	Above average
130 - 144	Gifted (2.3% of test takers)
145 - 159	Genius (Less than 1% of test takers)
160 - 175	Extraordinary genius

NO GREATER LOVE the movie

2009-10-19T00:50:00.001-07:00

Can't wait to watch this movie. I love what they say here in the "behind the scene". They want to honor God in whatever talent that He has blessed them with. Working with excellence cause they are working for God. Whether in acting, doing the lighting, with their work ethic. Whatever ability that God has given them. Loving what they do and honoring God in all they do. May we too find joy in the gifts and talents that God has given us to honor Him. Not necessarily only in "church" work but in whatever we do. Even simple things like doing the lighting in a big production like that. Or photography or whatever we do at work. May we honor God. This is their worship to God. Giving God the honor He deserve. It may not be the best movie around but it is something they did in worship to God.

Spiritual or Religious?

2009-10-12T01:12:00.000-07:00

When we say someone is spiritual, often it means he or she is "walking right". They read their bible daily. They go to church and they are seen to be in many ministries and are active in church. Lately I met a person who says that I am very spiritual cause I talk about God and seem to "have it altogether". I do love the Lord. Don't get me wrong.

Thinking about this, what is spirituality and what is religious? Does it mean that a person who does not read his bible daily is not spiritual? Someone who is going through a hard time is not spiritual cause in God we are suppose to "have it altogether?"

I think that a person struggling with life but have a desire to make sense of it with God is more spiritual than he who seems to "have it together" but in his heart prides in his own righteousness and am putting on a mask to "fake" his experiences. Basking in his own religiosity and not spirituality.

Being spiritual is a matter of the heart condition and we do not always feel righteous but we seek after He who is. We are still in submission to His Lordship whether we know what is happening or not. We still walk in that brokenness knowing that if we try to make it on our own, that will not really satisfy us. So all we can do is wait and hang on to whatever faith we have. Trusting in the only One who have the answers. Sometimes, we feel like the picture. A stone on another stone connecting just by a small surface area trying to balance our faith and will fall anytime. But "Where can we go, you have the words of eternal life". Allow Him to bring the directions and healing. Whether it is from the church or not.

I am a real life person with emotions and a life as well whether I am a Christian or not. Becoming a Christian does not take me away from being human and being subjected to suffering. Probably the difference here is I struggle with God and ultimately, I have this hope and assurance that He will not leave me alone. That He has a plan for my life. At the moment I may not see but as I walk with Him through this, I know I am strengthened day by day and I have a hope.

There is a reason why the bible speaks so much about suffering. As Christians, we do not escape suffering. As we walk closely with Him, we are bound to cause friction with the environment around us.

Each person who struggles with his life with Christ, take hope. Trying to make sense of your life? Hang on there. What you are going through could well be a spiritual thing. You may not be seen as "Spiritual" but as the Spirit guides, He teaches and leads. He often teaches us through our sufferings. Through our loneliness and times of confusion. But He never leave us or forsake us while we are going through it. Let not your heart grow weary. Continue to hold on to the faith. You may not be wanting to read the bible or even pray but that is ok. It is not in your doing but in your being. Your being in Him. Allowing Him to still be Lord. As we seek, we will find. Sometimes, I am just silent thinking of Him. Not necessary I have to do anything. God, I am here. I do not know what to say. Let me know you are here too.... and just rest.

Community of believers who believes in you helps. Who will stand by you and pray with or for you. But not the ones who ask you to "snap out of it".

Please do not be religious and try to fit into a mold that an institute puts on us. Where there are people who seem "Spiritual" and "righteous" but in whose eyes? I am not against the church but I am tired of the church trying to tell us what is right in their own eyes. Looking at a person as a product of their instituition but not as a person who is different from each other. Struggles are seen as things that hinder a person cause they cannot contribute to the better of the organisation if they are given time off to seek God for themselves.

Seek the Lord with all your heart and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.

Father of Faith

2009-09-10T07:18:00.000-07:00

Am pondering on the story of Abraham. Our Father of faith. When you read about the story of Abraham, he hardly comes across as a Father of faith. One who is so fearful of his death that he passed his own wife as his sister so he will not be harmed. One who listened to his wife and slept with his maid cause he did not trust that God will bring about his promises for a son to come to pass through Sarah his wife. Yet Abraham is our Father of faith.

The incident which is the turning point was the sacrifice of his son Isaac. Imagine a man whose only heir is Isaac (for Ishmael has been banished). A son who will carry on his family lineage. How precious is this son. Yet God has asked him to sacrifice that which he has waited for so long. God himself refered to Isaac as His beloved. How difficult it must have been for Abraham. Yet he feared God more than his desire for Isaac to live. He trust that God will keep his promise. God did promise that Abraham will have many descendents. Abraham trust that God will fulfill that which he promised. If Isaac is sacrificed, God will provide. If one is to have faith, one has to trust fully the person whom he has faith in. We cannot rely upon our own strength and our own understanding. Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him...

God will give a promise and test our faithfulness. Not to the promise but to Him. It is our heart which He desires. Our walk with Him is a journey. Though Abraham started off with unbelief, in the end, he feared God more than anything he desires. Thus God branded him Father of Faith.

God desires obedience rather than sacrifice. A sacrifice can be out of our own pride or our own strength. Something that I want to give up. Not necessary that which God has called you to give up. Obedience is a humbling of heart. A will to want to follow. A heart attitude.

King Solomon started off with a heart after God. He desired wisdom among all that God is able to give him so that he can lead God's people in righteousness. But Solomon in the end did not complete the journey well. He worshipped other idols and have swayed far from God. He was refered to a bad King. One whom God has chosen to build His temple. Gave in to idolism.

Abraham's faith was not a blind faith. It is through his experiences and his walk with God. It is through the many failures that he went through. The lessons that he has learnt. To know that it is better to listen to God rather than to disobey. He knows the character of God. He trusted in that character. Our Father of faith.

Faith

2009-09-06T03:53:00.000-07:00

I needed faith when I gave my life to Jesus. To trust and believe that He died on the cross for me. I needed faith in my journey as a new Christian to trust and believe that He will guide me and lead me in the way of the Kingdom. It was easy to have faith then. Perhaps as I grow older, the things I need to trust in Him in seems "bigger".

We need faith as a mustard seed to move mountains. Just faith as a mustard seed. How little faith is that? It seems more and more difficult to hold on to those promises and trust. Will it ever happen? One element of faith is perseverance. Perseverance to wait for HIS timing. Perhaps this is what I lack. I do want to believe and in a sense I do believe but the wait is killing me. In my heart I do have that peace that surpass all understanding... including my own. I do know that God is in control and that He is behind all that I am currently going through.

In Hebrews it says that Faith comes by hearing and hearing the word. The written plus the rhema word. I know now more than ever, God is calling me to a greater intimacy with Him. Perhaps He has guided me to this stage in my life, brought me to a place of wilderness for greater intimacy with Him. To hear His heartbeat. To know Him and to have Faith in a different manner. So much is going through my mind and so many things which I do not understand. However, I know that there is no short cut if I do want to walk in His ways and follow His path. I have to be lead by Him through an intimacy with Him. There is where I will find my faith. My faith to not only move mountains but also to touch the lives of the people around me. The faith to know that all is going to be ok and that I will be walking in the center of His will for my life.

Faith... Such a mysterious thing. Yet it is one which require the person to not be self dependent. To have faith, you will need to release all your desires and your abilty to the one that you have faith in. There is nothing you can do unless you do not wish to put your faith in the person or thing. For example, everytime we sit on a chair, we need to have faith that the chair will carry our weight and will not break. It is not something that is beyond our controi; if we want to sit. If you do not want to put your faith in that chair and you believe that it will break, then you do not sit. But if you still want to sit, you have to place your faith in it.

If I want to walk in the ways of God, I have to believe that He will lead me and that He has the best for my life. Otherwise, I will live my own life, make my own decisions and need not have faith. If I put my faith in Him, I have to get out of His way. That is the hard thing to do. To put yourself in someone whom you cannot see when things are not turning out the way you want it to.

But I am determined to want to walk in His ways. Father draw me near to You so that my faith in You will not parish.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Your rod (which disciplines me) and Your staff (which guides me) will comfort me.

No Pure Joy

2009-07-10T01:07:00.000-07:00

I read this in my devotion today and thought I should share... since I get blessed by it...

No matter how much we desire perfection and completeness, we need to embrace the fact of our limitations. In our broken world, things are less than what we would like them to be. And our own imperfections are writ large on all that we do. This need not drive us to despair. Nor should it prevent us from purposeful activity. We can still do what we must even when a totally satisfactory conclusion eludes us.

Nouwen reminds us that 'there is no such thing as clear-cut pure joy'. Our experience of love, no matter how loyal or ecstatic, is marked by selfishness and pain. Even our spiritual experiences do not yield the fruit of perfection. These experiences are frequently marred by doubt and guilt.

Such is our lot. We reach for the sky, but cannot inherit the earth. We long for the good, but frequently produce something that is a pale version of our best intentions. We are like a beautiful princess with feet of clay or like a powerful prince with a physical impediment. Made for God's highest intention, we sometimes fritter away our calling and opportunities. Made for greatness, we easily become side-tracked by our success and power. A profound sadness thus underlies our life.

But our sadness can be turned into joy. This is not a joy that comes from a perpetual striving but a joy that comes in the midst of our pain. It's the of being loved in spite of our imperfections. It's the joy that comes from forgiveness. It's the joy that comes as a gift that we don't deserve. It's the joy that comes as a surprise in spite of ourselves.

Thus in the midst of our pain we can celebrate. In the midst of our broken world we can still dance.

Give Thanks

2009-07-08T03:45:00.000-07:00

I was suddenly reminded of a song which I have not sang for a long long while. Give Thanks. When I sang this song a long time ago, I remembered the thoughts that would flood my mind. I used to thank Him for what I had. For my car. For the money I had. For the things which I do not lack. Everytime I sang t his song (And it was very often that this song was sung), these will be my thoughts.

But today, as I sang it, my eyes were filled with tears. I no longer have my health. (At least for now). In fact, some days, I cannot even get out of bed. No longer can I buy what I wanted without thinking. Have to be careful with every cent I spend. Feeling like a Job, yet God reminded me to give thanks. Not because of what I had as possessions but because of Christ. Of the hope I have in Him. He has my heart and I have His.

It is difficult to give thanks in such circumstances. To thank Him for the hope I have when I can hardly see the light at the end of the tunnel. When I am walking in the valley. When I am in the desert place and there is no oasis in sight. Yet I shall Praise Him cause He is who He is. I shall still give thanks for I know these moments are precious to Him. Cause I know I am precious to Him.

I give thanks not because of what I have but because of what I have in Him. Of who I am in Him. He gave me the peace that surpasses all understanding. "He will keep me in perfect peace cause my hope and trust is in Him".

Give Thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy one
Give thanks because its given
Jesus Christ His Son

And now let the weak say I am strong
Let the poor say I am rich
because of what the Lord has done for us

This song brings new meaning to my soul. Truly I have lots to be thankful for.

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-21T02:39:00.001-07:00

It's Father's day and of course we can't forget our Daddy in Heaven. So often we project our understanding of father to God. Understanding fatherhood, often from the view of our father, that is our understanding of God. He is a God whom we cannot comprehend. So He has to make us understand Him through our worldly understanding and knowledge. God choose an analogy of Father and son because the relationship between father and son is much closer than God and his people. When one says God loves his people, it does not mean much to us. But when one says God loves us as His son, it brings us so much closer to Him.

Yet, in the story of the prodigal son, Jesus tries to breaks the Jewish understanding of father and paints a picture of a father that is not their understanding of what a father should be. We should not limit God to what we understand fatherhood to be. I was contemplating upon this parable and noticed that the son after being with the swine for sometime, thought about his father's home and how his father's servants has more than what he has. So he was wanting to go back to serve in his father's house as a servant. He thought about what he was to say. Probably, he has to start off with something that would "buy" his father's heart. That is to say he was sorry and then ask for a favour once he has his dad on his side. After all, this is a trick that through many generations, children has been using. Say something that our parents wants to hear so that they discipline us less and hoping that it would soften their hearts so that we can get our way. This son wanted a job. A job that is better than staying with pigs.

But before he can say what he has rehearsed for so long, the father who saw him a long way away, ran to meet him. A man with stature and of age does not run. He has to probably hold up his robe to run to his son. Humiliating himself so that he can embrace his son. His son could be coming back to ask for more money or to hurt the father. He, the father does not know the motif of the son yet it does not matter. He is just glad to see him. His love for him is unconditional. So projects the love of the Father to us. Unconditional. It does not matter what we did. What our motif is for coming to Him. He will go all out to embrace us cause He cannot help Himself.

The love of the father caused the son to repent and caused him to change his attitude. The son did said what he recited... but only the first part. The part where he focused upon his own need does not seem important anymore. He did not ask the father if he can be a servant in his house. He just was sorry for what he did. Genuine repentance. A repentance that was touched by the love of the father.

When the realisation of the Father's love touch our hearts, it changes us. Caused us to see beyond our situation. Beyond our needs. Caused us to be able to rest in His arms.

Breaking the mindset of what a father should be. Poised, Authoratative, strict. Breaking the mindset of what unconditional love is. May we also get a revelation of this love in our life. A love that cause us to see God in a different light. Happy Father's Day.

Looking for a job?

2009-05-18T00:22:00.000-07:00

I read in the Singapore Straits Times, about how much church workers earn and that one of the church employee earn $500,000 last year. Their church could raise in one Sunday $19 Million for their church building. Who says that the Kingdom of God is poor and those who work for His kingdom often are called the "poor church mouse". I guess the church mouse in this church are far from poor. If you go to their website, they seem to be hiring. Unfortunately, no job positions which I can apply for :(

My "further education"

2009-05-17T23:50:00.001-07:00

I have been contemplating for a long time whether to continue on with my further studies in The Seminary. It has been two years since I have stopped and just could not make myself to continue on. But at last, I have finally decided it was time I pursue this and I am so glad that I did. I took "Biblical Interpretation" taught by Dr Lim Kar Yong and it was so good. It gave me a new passion for the Word. Seriously, the bible is so much more interesting. I salute all you Biblical scholars out there. You who have spent hours and hours doing reserch just so ordinary folks like me could pick off your "Brain".

This class we learnt exegetical methods, looked at historical cultural context and how it influences your veiw in reading the bible, applications etc. I must admit, the terms are very confusing and sometimes, most times mind blowing. But the result that you get is worth it. To find out the real meaning behind what the author intended when he was writing the book and the cultural and historical background. Really makes you see the word in a different light.

Dr.Lim made the class so interesting and often it was like listening to a sermon rather than teaching. Maybe that is his way of teaching. It is people like him that encourages me to grow deeper in my theology understanding. They inspire me. Hee hee. He has a blog. All theologeans seem to blog.

What's the Use of Religion?

2009-05-10T07:25:00.000-07:00

I read one of the comments an old friend of mine made on facebook. "Organised religion is for people who fear going to hell. Spirituality is for people who have gone to hell and back". She has had a tough life. She was a Christian but I guess the church was not with her in her time of need or crisis. It is so sad for someone who came from an "Organised religion" background to make such a comment. Where is the community and the love that we are to show? The people whom we are to embrace? Sometimes we tend to focus too much on evangelism that we are proud of the number of people we have in the church but what are we doing with the people who are already in the church? Do we even care for their well being? Do we even know where they live? Of course we know if they are single or married. That is the first thing people check out. Then of course the church members would "match make" the single with another. But do we know his/her struggles?

Often when someone is struggling, we would just push them to another "counselor" cause it is her job and never to embrace the person again until the person is "whole".

The other day, a friend of mine called me to say that he discovered that his cat (Bless him for owning a cat), delivered kittens but he found them all dead in the house. He was so upset. Me in my auto mode immediately tried to comfort him by saying "Try to look at the bright side". Such a cliche thing to say. Then after that try to avoid the subject altogether. Then I realised all this person needed was someone to hear him and to share his sorrows. To understand where he is and to have someone listen to him. We are quick to give answers in church and often not the solution that they are looking for. But we think we have "done our Job". Never wanting to give up that which is the most important to a hurting person. Time and love and acceptance.

Do we even dare to look outward if the inward is slipping away. It is like saying "God, I have another soul saved for you. Heaven must be rejoicing" but meanwhile, 10 more slip away through the back. I need to make a conscious afford to listen and to love. It is definitely not easy but it is definitely what Christ would want for us to do. Religion is not so that we fear to go to hell. It is about our journey of faith and obedience. It is about bringing hope to those who feel that they are living "hell" on earth. Showing them the Kingdom. Being His hands and His feet. God help me.

Church camp

2009-05-05T20:04:00.001-07:00

I just came back from our church camp. Probably this is one year that I have no expectations of it. Someone asked me so what do you expect out of camp... I cannot even remember what I answered. However, I did enjoy myself and God did speak to me.

I hung out with people whom I do not usually hang out with and it was really good. People whom we see in church but never really talk to. When you look around, you can see family. *sob* *sob*. It's quite a sight. The young and the old... they hung out together.

The message really spoke to me too. Its about intimacy and holiness. Many of us would have felt tired from serving over the years in the church and for some of its its because our serving is out of "duty" and not out of an intimate relationship with God.

There was a challenge to live a holy life. Not to quench the Holy Spirit in us. To watch what we say and do and what we allow into our lives. "Be Holy for He is Holy". We are not completely holy for if we are, as the speaker says, our name will be "GOD". We do however try to be. Not on own own strength but as we become intimate with Him, our character will change. Our mindset will change. It is so hard though... to set a standard for yourself. Especially in this day and age. It is not only about being different. It is about being holy. Being who He wants us to be. We have been too laid back in this matter.

Another thing which I got from the camp is that the purposes and the promises of God never change. That is both a comfort and an assurance. Having gone through so much in the past few years, God is still in control. More and more my confidence and my faith has been increasing. Maybe the wounds are healing. I can see a glimmer of light in the horizon. I have my ideas of what things are suppose to be but those ideas are smashed now. There is an excitement of what is to come. It's like going on one of those rides in movie world or disney land. Not knowing what will come next. It may be a sudden drop or a slow cruise but it will be a ride with Him in control. It does not matter so much what the end will look like anymore as long as the journey is with Him. It was a good camp.

Men....

2009-04-29T19:20:00.000-07:00

I just watched the much talked after (by my youth) movie called twilight. Never really knew why the girls are so crazy about it. At least the youth girls. But now I know. It is about a vampire teenage boy who fell in love with a girl. He is cute (Not in the movie though), charming, romantic, strong and masculine. Masculine not in terms of muscles but he is a guy guy. One who really takes care and protects the girl he loves. Sometimes in the real world, it is often the girl who protects the guys.

I have heard comments from guys saying "the girl scares me. She is too successful. She is too dominant. She is too driven"

I have heard comments from girls saying "Guys are sissies nowadays. He should be a man. He is a man and should be more masculine. "

So tough to be a guy in this day and age. If he is too gentle, they are called sissies. If they are too tough, they are branded too egoistical. But it is true that many of the managerial roles are now filled by women. Women who seems stronger than men. More capable. More driven. Takes more initiatives. Even these girls who seem so dominant, when you talk with then, they would want their partner to "Wear the pants" because this is who we are. Who God created us to be. To be under the leadership of men. To be the help-mate of men. Not that we are less than men but just being different in our make up.

Perhaps the gender roles are changing and girls are trying to be males. Trying to be equal to take the roles of males. Including being the head of the house. Can't blame them. Pressure of society. When males do not step up to their roles. Not in every case though.

Maybe I am a traditional girl. Still believe that guys must do the chasing and that a girl have to give space for him to be him. Not "mother" over him. Someone told me the other day that this is the 20th century and girls can make the first move. Hrmm..

I was reading a book by Elisabeth Elliot and in there was a letter that one of her readers wrote to her.

" I have read Passion and Purity and your books on masculinity and femininity(the Mark of a Man and Let Me be A Woman). My heart absolutely leaps with excitement in agreement with the things you say. That's the way it should be!! Unfortunately, I am finding out that that's not the way it is. Instead of men being strong in the Lord. leaders, hunters, taking the initiative (Their God ordained role), they are becoming weak, insecure, afraid of rejection and not wanting to take risk - even to make a simple phone call or invitation. I want to believe in God's order, but where is it anymore? I get so confused with what I am suppose to do or not do, I am ready to forget this whole dating and getting acquainted business. Where's the persistence, the determination to win a girl's heart and t rust, cost what it will? Where's the peace, surety, confidence, fun, anticipation? Do we have to become aggressive because men aren't?"

A guy once said "I will fight anyone for you" but he too gave up against the slightest competition. Too afraid to pursue in case he would loose. That would have been tragic for him.

Times have certainly changed since the time of Elisabeth Elliot but I have to agree with her though that girls are created differently than guys. That girls should be girls and guys should be guys. Over the years, God did not change His mind about this and create girls to be stronger then guys. Eph 5:23-24. Husband is still the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church.

So in my journey, continues this quest for love. Perhaps that is why I am still single. Waiting for someone who is has gone extinct? So many girls I know who are waiting for the same thing. Maybe I am living in a fairytale of my own.

SO Many Questions

2009-04-28T01:52:00.001-07:00

There are so many questions in my mind. Maybe too many for my own good. As an impatient person, I keep asking "When..." or "Why is it happening this way..." or "How come I have to... " "Why the wait...." Perhaps these questions are not so important to my Christian walk. That is why God is still silent. Or perhaps He is teaching me patience... but I long to know!!! Maybe if I were to know... maybe life will not be so painful or hard?

I suppose Job has had many questions too. Sudden death of all his children. Lost of his wealth. His health. I would have tons of questions if I were Job. A man who walked in the ways of God. Who see himself blameless in his own eyes... Why all these calamities? But in the end, it is recognising that God is supreme and Lord. Looking at Him rather than at what is right in his own eyes... that was the heart that God seeks after. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Thou art with me. Your rod and your staff they comfort me.

Why do I have so many questions? To satisfy my own desires? To prove that I am right? To know what is ahead of me? To fill my self righteousness? Maybe my questions are the wrong questions. Maybe it should be more tuned towards God and what He is doing in my life. After all, He is still Lord of my life.

I kept singing this song by Tim Hughes...

I've got questions Without answers
I've known sorrow I have known pain
But there's one thing That I'll cling to
You are faithful, Jesus you're true

When hope is lost I'll call you Saviour
When pain surrounds I'll call you healer
When silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
My defender forevermore.

I will praise you, I will praise you
When the tears fall still I will sing to you
I will praise you, Jesus praise you
Though the suffering still I will sing.

Silent Retreat

2009-04-21T22:48:00.000-07:00

I have just recently signed up for a silent retreat. My first. I do not know what to expect but I have been trying by myself to have times of silent and it is such a discipline. Maybe that is why it is recommended in the book of "Spiritual discipline". It should be a lifestyle more than a discipline.

Being silent and meditating upon Him and His word creates an environment where we come closer to Him and that is what I long to do. Be a Mary in this Martha world. As someone has put it.

Joyce Hugget once wrote:

"Christian meditation has nothing to do with emptying our minds. Christian meditation engages every part of us -our mind, our emotions, our imagination, our creativity, and, supremely, our will."

Choosing to meditate and to be silent is to actually fill oneself with and to be intimately attached to the object of your meditation. Not like how the new ager would meditate - freeing one's mind for nothingness. In the book of Joshua, it tells us to "meditate on His word day and night so that we may be care careful to do everything written in it. Then we will be prosperous and successful." So that scripture becomes ingrained in us. So that it draws us closer to God.

"We bask in the warmth of his love. We feel his gaze on us. He fills us afresh with his Spirit. We receive a new perspective on life - his perspective. We draw so close to his heart that we sense his concern for the world, and from our contemplation flows intercession as we catch his compassion for a hurting world."
Joyce Huggett

So I shall be going to this silent retreat for 5 days. I am a bit excited. But I should not wait for retreats to mediate on Him and His word or be silent. Cultivating a culture that is not my own.

Beauty

2009-04-20T20:39:00.000-07:00

Someone just sent me this to confirm my previous post about beauty on the inside. Why do people prefer the photoshopped version? Everyone is trying to look like film stars and models.

Beauty on the inside

2009-04-20T20:19:00.001-07:00

I have read this article about Susan Boyle. The lady who shocked the whole world for her talent. Shocked because she looked ordinary and plain. Yet has such a tremendous voice. When she sang, I actually cried. Our world has put such emphasis upon the outward appearance that most girls chase after. Die after. The famous saying of "inward beauty is better than outward appearance" will always remain just a saying. In reality, girls and even guys are always chasing after the outward appearance. This is because there is such tremendous pressure from the world. The belief that beauty will get you further. Better boyfriends/girlfriends. Better prospect and job. Giving attention to the outward rather than the inward. Even Christians, we tend to judge others by appearance. Here is the article...

The beauty that matters is always on the inside
COLETTE DOUGLAS HOME April 14 2009

Susan Boyle's story is a parable of our age. She is a singer of enormous talent, who cared for her widowed mother until she died two years ago. Susan's is a combination of ability and virtue that deserves congratulation.

So how come she was treated as a laughing stock when she walked on stage for the opening heat of Britain's Got Talent 2009 on Saturday night?

The moment the reality show's audience and judging panel saw the small, shy, middle-aged woman, they started to smirk. When she said she wanted a professional singing career to equal that of Elaine Paige, the camera showed audience members rolling their eyes in disbelief. They scoffed when she told Simon Cowell, one of the judges, how she'd reached her forties without managing to develop a singing career because she hadn't had the opportunity. Another judge, Piers Morgan, later wrote on his blog that, just before she launched into I Dreamed a Dream, the 3000-strong audience in Glasgow was laughing and the three judges were suppressing chuckles.
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It was rude and cruel and arrogant. Susan Boyle from Blackburn, West Lothian, was presumed to be a buffoon. But why?

Britain's Got Talent isn't a beauty pageant. It isn't a youth opportunity scheme. It is surely about discovering untapped and unrecognised raw talent from all sections of society.

And Susan Boyle has talent to burn. Such is the beauty of her voice that she had barely sung the opening bars when the applause started. She rounded off to a standing ovation and - in her naivety - began walking off the stage and had to be recalled.

Susan, now a bankable discovery, was then roundly patronised by such mega-talents as Amanda Holden and the aforementioned Morgan, who told her: "Everyone laughed at you but no-one is laughing now. I'm reeling with shock." Holden added: "It's the biggest wake-up call ever."

Again, why?

The answer is that only the pretty are expected to achieve. Not only do you have to be physically appealing to deserve fame; it seems you now have to be good-looking to merit everyday common respect. If, like Susan (and like millions more), you are plump, middle-aged and too poor or too unworldly to follow fashion or have a good hairdresser, you are a non-person.

I dread to think of how Susan would have left the stage if her voice had been less than exceptional. She would have been humiliated in front of 11 million viewers. It's the equivalent of being put in the stocks in front of the nation instead of the village. It used to be a punishment handed out to criminals. Now it is the fate of anyone without obvious sexual allure who dares seek opportunity.

This small, brave soul took her courage in her hands to pitch at her one hope of having her singing talent recognised, and was greeted with a communal sneer. Courage could so easily have failed her.

Yet why shouldn't she sound wonderful? Not every great singer looks like Katherine Jenkins. Edith Piaf would never have been chosen to strut a catwalk. Nor would Nina Simone, nor Ella Fitzgerald. As for Pavarotti But then ridicule is nothing new in Susan Boyle's life. She is a veteran of abuse. She was starved of oxygen at birth and has learning difficulties as a result. At school she was slow and had frizzy hair. She was bullied, mostly verbally. She told one newspaper that her classmates' jibes left behind the kind of scars that don't heal.

She didn't have boyfriends, is a stranger to romance and has never been kissed. "Shame," she said. Singing was her life-raft.

She lived with her parents in a four-bedroom council house and, when her father died a decade ago, she cared for her mother and sang in the church choir.

It was an unglamorous existence. She wasn't the glamorous type - and being a carer isn't a glamorous life, as the hundreds of thousands who do that most valuable of jobs will testify. Even those who start out with a beauty routine and an interest in clothes find themselves reverting to the practicality of a tracksuit and trainers. Fitness plans get interrupted and then abandoned. Weight creeps on. Carers don't often get invited to sparkling dinner parties or glitzy receptions, so smart clothes rarely make it off the hanger.

Then, when a special occasion comes along, they might reach, as Susan did, for the frock they bought for a nephew's wedding. They might, as she did, compound the felony of choosing a colour at odds with her skin tone and an unflattering shape with home-chopped hair, bushy eyebrows and a face without a hint of make-up. But it is often evidence of a life lived selflessly; of a person so focused on the needs of another that they have lost sight of themselves. Is that a cause for derision or a reason for congratulation? Would her time have been better spent slimming and exercising, plucking and waxing, bleaching and botoxing? Would that have made her voice any sweeter?

Susan Boyle's mother encouraged her to sing. She wanted her to enter Britain's Got Talent. But the shy Susan hasn't been able to sing at all since her mother's death two years ago. She wasn't sure how her voice would emerge after so long a silence. Happily, it survived its rest.

She is a gift to Simon Cowell and reality television. Her story is the stuff of Hans Christian Andersen: the woman plucked from obscurity, the buried talent uncovered, the transformation waiting to be wrought.

It is wonderful for her, too, that her stunning voice is now recognised. A bright future beckons. Her dream is becoming reality.

Susan is a reminder that it's time we all looked a little deeper. She has lived an obscure but important life. She has been a companionable and caring daughter. It's people like her who are the unseen glue in society; the ones who day in and day out put themselves last. They make this country civilised and they deserve acknowledgement and respect.

Susan has been forgiven her looks and been given respect because of her talent. She should always have received it because of the calibre of her character.

Susan Boyle from Britain's Got Talent

2009-04-20T20:10:00.001-07:00

Here is an interview with Susan Boyle

Is Lent Biblical?

2009-04-08T00:37:00.000-07:00

I have always wondered about traditions, icons and practices. So many which is not mentioned in the bible. But why do we still hold on to the practices faithfully? Is it a stumbling block of mere practices. Works without faith? But lately I have grown to enjoy such traditions and practices. Meditations and icons. Thanks to my STM lecturer. Not that I have changed my believe in God. Perhaps changed my "denomination". LOL. I found the below from the internet and I think it explains it very well.

When someone asks “Is Lent biblical?,” the answer depends on what you mean by “biblical.” If you mean “Does the Bible specifically require Christians to practice Lent?,” then the answer is “no.” Of course in that sense of the term, customs such as church choirs or Sunday school would also be “not biblical.” But if you mean “Is the practice of Lent founded on biblical principles,” then the answer is certainly “yes.” The three main practices of Lent from ancient times have been reflection on the significance of Christ’s death along with prayers of repentance and confession, fasting as a means to focus more wholly on God, and giving to assist the poor. All of these are very biblical practices. We are not required to do them specifically during the 40 days prior to Easter, but we can benefit adopting some of the customs of earlier generations of Christians all the way back to the 2nd century.

At this point I should also make it clear that Lenten practices, like any spiritual disciplines, do not make us acceptable to God. We are acceptable to God only through coming to Him by faith on the basis of Christ’s death on the cross for our sins (Eph. 2:8-9). Spiritual disciplines are means through which God works in our lives helping us to grow to spiritual maturity, which is being conformed to the character of Christ (Eph. 4:13; Rom. 8:29). Thus, these practices are for our benefit, and not a way to “earn” anything from God. Sometimes Christians in earlier generations lost sight of this fact.

God is Silent

2009-04-08T00:08:00.000-07:00

God has been so silent. Did not even hear Him breathe. But His presence does not depend on my feelings. Certainly not upon my unbelieve. God is not present if I believe that He exist. He is not Absent when I do not believe in Him. He is still there and He is still God.

Someone once said that "we need the conscious presence of other people to become sensitive to God's presence". I saw Him in the faces of people when they worship. I saw a glimpse of him in the testimonies given by others. I saw Him when I was reading. I saw him in creation. In the photos that I took. In nature when I was observing. He is definitely there but He is still silent. I am dying to hear from Him but He is still silent.

Perhaps it is enough to know that He is everywhere that I look. Everywhere that I turn to. He is with me. My silent care giver. My silent comforter. My silent Father. For whatever reason I am not hearing Him, I trust that He is leading me in this journey.

Some of my photos which helps me see the beauty of creation.

Goodbye

2009-03-24T10:33:00.000-07:00

My grandma passed away 1 and a half weeks ago. She was my last surviving... not anymore.. grandparent. I always remember her as someone who loves Jesus and she is one of the very first person in my life to introduce Jesus to me. Not that she ever taught me about Him or spoke to me about him. She brought me to her hokkien speaking church (which I did not understand a word of what the pastor was speaking anyway) but it was her life that showed me her faith and who Jesus was. She would always pray for us and we would often laugh at her, my cousins and I and commented "there she goes again". She would be praying at the dinner table while we wait anxiously for her to finish so that we could finally eat. She would also ask for our addresses and car number plate so that when she prayed, she would tell Jesus where to look for us. It is true. SHe kept a book of our particulars so that she couold take out and pray during her free time. But that is her faith.

I believe that now, most of her children and grandchildren are Christians as a result of her prayers. Now we would all sit down at the dinner table and my uncle or my dad would pray. No longer laughing at her faith. But thankful. Thankful for such a legacy. Thankful for the heart that she has passed on.

I have written a poem for her. Truly, this is her life...

Looking back through the years

Joy and laughter cause my eyes to tear

Family members I hold so dear

Blessings from God through the years

A husband who loves me ever so dear

Nine children gives meaning to life here

Grand and great children adding joy through the years

A life so fulfilled, my journey does not end here

Truly her journey does not end here. It ended on earth but it has just begun in Heaven

Truth

2009-03-09T23:51:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time a visitor came to the monastery looking for the purpose and meaning of life.

The Teacher said to the visitor, "If what you seek is Truth, there is one thing you must have above all else."

"I know," the visitor said. "To find Truth I must have an overwhelming passion for it."

"No," the Teacher said. "In order to find Truth, you must have an unremitting readiness to admit you may be wrong."

"Christian"

2009-03-09T22:51:00.000-07:00

Something I have written a long long time ago. Thought I would share it. I guess this is how I view the "generic" church. People living in their own little society and world. When there is a new comer, we are quick to groom that person to be like the rest. Perhaps this is what it should be. Perhaps not.

Groomed to be a Christian
Follow without questions
Meetings by the dozens
Just imitate, follow the pattern

Have you found your ministry?
Understand your calling perfectly?
One of the 5 fold you should be
A leader you should strife to be

Talk right, walk right
Act right and you will be alright
Do not worry about spiritual insights
For years we have been doing alright.

Only You

2009-02-21T02:48:00.000-08:00

This is my heart
Make it Your Sanctuary
Jesus, Only for You

God knows

2009-02-15T21:40:00.000-08:00

I went to the dentist the other day and he said that my wisdom tooth was growing nicely because I had a tooth extracted long ago. So the wisdom tooth has space to grow and need not be extracted. I always feared having my wisdom tooth removed. After hearing stories of how painful it is to remove the wisdom tooth and how sometimes they need to cut a lot of the gum to remove it. Ouch.

I remembered that I had removed my tooth as a child and how painful I thought it was. Yet now, I was thankful that I had that tooth removed so that I do not have to endure removing my wisdom tooth now. Which is more painful. It created space for my wisdom tooth to grow.

Sometimes, when we go through difficult times, we do not see what space it created for another to grow. God in His wisdom knows that we have to go through certain difficulties in life so that we do not have to suffer more in the future. Or so that it allows space for another thing to grow in our life. We may not understand the trials that we have to endure now but we need not understand. We need to trust. Though it may be the most difficult thing to do then. Maybe one day we realise what the suffering was for. Maybe we may not know. But He can turn ALL things for His good and glory.

Sometimes in our suffering, it not only allows things in our life to grow but it can help another to go through the same difficult situation. It can be a blessing to help another go through s similar situation because we know how it feels. It can encourage each other to persevere together. Allowing our faith to grow.

God's hand in suffering

2009-01-20T19:22:00.000-08:00

Another thing in which I read today from a devotional

As Alzheimer's took over my cousin Moira, she became quite unable to manage herself, and needed constant care and nursing. When you visited her, you might get a smile, a flicker of recognition. At no one stage could you say ‘Goodbye.' It was a slow parting. When she died, she who loved people was quite out of touch with humankind. What was God up to? I wondered.

I used to imagine it was our job to make ourselves holy. Our models were men and women who seemed to have achieved extraordinary levels of asceticism, prayer and generosity towards others. We are often seeking ourselves, our own satisfactions and complacency, even in the most apparently unselfish efforts. God shapes us, not we ourselves. Through life, in ways we would never have planned, God strips us of our ego, prepares us for Godself. For an active person, the hardest penance is to be unable to act. For Jesus at the height of his powers and vigour, the Cross meant being passive, nailed down, speechless, helpless. We could not and would not plan these experiences for ourselves. Jesus begged for the chalice to pass from him.

Who would ask for Alzheimer's as a way to go? But if we believe in God's Providence - and that is not easy - that must be what he was doing to Moira, who had given him a loving and enthusiastic life. The real achievement of that life was not in her creative efforts or sleepless nights at the service of others, but in her recognition of God's hand in the suffering which accompanied her to the grave.

God's Presence

2009-01-20T00:40:00.000-08:00

I read something which is very interesting... that I totally agree with..

The person who prays for the presence of God is, ironically, already in the presence of God. The person who seeks God has already found God to some extent. ... A dull, mundane life stays a dull, mundane life, no matter how intent we become on developing spiritually. No amount of church-going will change that. What attention to the spiritual life does change is our appreciation for the presence of God in our dull, mundane lives. We come to realize that we did not find God; God finally got our attention. The spiritual life is a grace with which we must cooperate, not a prize to be captured or a trophy to be won.
-- Joan Chittister The Rule of Benedict: Insights for the Ages

The reality of Christ

2009-01-15T23:03:00.001-08:00

I just read about a Christian singer in Australia who wrote a song called "Healer" saying that he wrote the song when God has healed him of cancer. He came out later to admit that he did not have cancer and that he was trying to hide from his sin of pornography. That is why he wrote that song. As a form of deviation. Of course it shook a lot of people. Like his wife, his parents, his associates, his church members...

It however encouraged me. I saw that concert on youtube when he sang the song. I can see the faces of people who are blessed by the song. God can turn anything for His glory. No matter what birthed the inspiration of that song. God is still a healer and the words of the songs are true. More than that, I was encouraged that my God is alive and working in the life of this song writer. If there is no God, it does not matter if he continues in his lies. I believe that God is working in his life. And his life is more important than any reputation. A life that goes back to the heart of God. The most important thing we are created for.

It is not easy admitting his sin and since after his song is such a hit. But God in His greatness and mercy turned this to be a blessing to even more people. Just read the comments in the youtube. People are still blessed by the song. People are encouraged at this man's courage and the work of God in his life. God is STILL a healing God. This is a greater testimony.

Sometimes people say that leaders cannot show weakness. This is not true. Some churches holds on very strongly to this teaching. "Christians are over comers. Especially if you are a leader. You need to show that you are an overcomer by not showing any weakness." But when we show others that we are human too, needing His grace and mercy, walking together with Him, it brings the reality of Christ in our midst. He did come for the broken and the needy. It does not mean that after you have given your life to Him that you are no longer in need of Him. All the more we need to learn to walk with Him through our struggles and trials. As we let others to see the work of God in our weakness, more will be blessed and it gives them hope that we are mere human who cannot be holy in our own strength but we need Him constantly.

Spirituality is more than churchgoing. It is possible to go to church and never develop a spirituality at all. Spirituality is the way in which we express a living faith in a real world. Spirituality is the sum total of the attitudes and actions that define our life of faith.
-- Joan Chittister, OSB Wisdom Distilled From The Daily

Religion??

2009-01-09T00:51:00.000-08:00

Many people do things in the name of God. Some may be genuine but many are just excuses to satisfy their own desires. Why do we do the things we do? I read "Practices without faith is religion." Practices includes reading the bible, pray, going to church, partaking communion etc.

The other day I was at a Japanese restaurant (In Malaysia) and they have the Japanese style seating. A hole in the ground where you put your feet in the hole and you sit on the floor. I always thought that was just a Japanese traditional way of seating until my dad explained to me that it was something very practical. In Japan, because it was so cold, they often have heating in those holes and warm air runs through it. Of course in Malaysia you would not have heating. It is just something that signifies Japan... being a Japanese Restaurant. It seems like a cool thing but many may not know of its original function and purpose. To keep you warm.

Same with the church. Many does "rituals" or practices without even knowing why. And it has become religion. Christianity to many is just another religion. Empty practices. Where is the life? The heartbeat of God? Where God is the Lord? I must say I myself am still seeking for it. Still understanding why we do the things we do. Having to be careful not to be too judgemental.

I guess it has to start with me. I have to walk closely with Him to understand His heartbeat. To observe what He is doing before I judge. I am not saying that the practices are wrong. I do feel that they are very much needed in our journey with God. But why do we do them? Where is that life of God that we do them with? I do not want to just simply be in another religion. Then it is much simpler for me to go to the temple where I do not have to attend every week.

Few weeks ago, someone in my church says that it is a journey towards the heart of God. A people who is so desperate and hungry for Him. Wanting to get so near Him to hear His heartbeat. The practices I guess are our way of expressing our hunger and desire and "tools" used to get to His heart. Everything that we do are for Him and to Him. Not only that but together with Him. We often miss this "Together with Him".

Trust

2008-12-30T00:35:00.000-08:00

It is easier said than done. Trust. Sometimes in trusting Him, it makes me think if He even exist. Life is a journey. Life in the Kingdom is a greater journey. Often filled with test and lessons. The longer the journey, the tougher the test. The greater the lessons.

I was pondering upon Faith. Abraham, our Father of faith still doubted God and put things in his own hands and slept with his maid despite the promise of a son. The promise of offspring greater than the stars in the sky.

How hard it is to trust. How difficult it is to hang on to faith when situations seem so bleak. You keep believing in that miracle yet it does not seem to come. Or perhaps our miracle is wanting things done our way. "It has to happen this way Lord." When we say we have faith, at the back of our mind, we want it to turn out this way or that. And if it goes into another direction, we give up hope. Maybe we should be like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who was thrown into the fiery furnace and they said "My God shall save me but even if He does not we will still worship Him."

No matter what our testing or trial, no matter if our prayers were answered, or not, we will still serve Him. Is that faith? To totally abandon oneself to Him? No matter the outcome. Trusting that His ways are higher than ours. As I started out saying, "It is easier said than done." We will surely have heartbreaks and times of saddness. Having faith does not mean we are void of emotions. Despite the emotions, we still say we trust in Him. Trust in the outcome no matter how much it will hurt.

Countless people have turn from their faith cause they say that there is no God. How can there be. If there is a God, my wife will not die. I will not loose my father. I will not be suffering so. I will not be jobless. They rely on their emotions to be their guide. Living in this world how can there be no suffering. But it is through this suffering that we discover God .... if we allow Him to be found.

I find it difficult to trust. The pain is much greater than my faith. Yet, where am I to go? He has the word of eternal life. Through this pain I can see the reality of God still. But the pain remains. It is like you have cut yourself and you go to the doctor to get it stiched. The pain still remains but you are getting treated. God is there to treat my pain but it is still there and God is there.

Nobody but God can tell the future. Nobody but God has your best interest at heart. Who am I to trust but Him.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-21T01:51:00.000-08:00

As Christmas is coming near, churches starts to sing Christmas Carols and we reflect upon the coming of our Christ. This morning as we sang "For its the mystery of the universe, You're the God of Holiness, Yet you welcome souls like me." I suddenly thought about This Christ who came to earth, lived and died. It is such a mystery.

Imagine, Christ came for me yet when He was here on earth, I was not even born yet. I did not even know Him yet He came for me. He sacrificed for someone who did not even know Him. Would I have given my all to a total stranger? To love so greatly even if that love is not realised or returned. There are so many who chose to turn from Him yet He gave His all to them too. For generations to come, The birth of Christ is more than just an event in history. He came to show the way to the Father and it was not only applicable during the time Christ was on earth but it will be applicable to many generations to come. Pointing the way to the Kingdom.

The work of the Cross is very much emphasised in our Christian faith. It was because Christ died for us, therefore we have eternal life. But lets not forget the Birth of Christ is very important too. Because He lived here for us, we can have and experience the treasures of the Kingdom.

Merry Christmas to all as we celebrate this great love and sacrifice for us even before we were even born.

What's wrong with me?

2008-12-19T01:08:00.001-08:00

I have been very busy the past few weeks and I was visiting churches because I was not in my local area. Every church that I went to gave a similar feeling. When I walk into the church, I immediately recognise the vision statement and the purpose statements. All churches seems to have them on their walls. The order of service is always the same no matter which church I go to. Worship, announcements, tithes, then the message. It sort of gives me a familiar feel.

This particular church that I went to, is your typical church. The pastor is your typical charismatic pastor. Went to the stage with your full suit and tie. With the hallelujahs and the Praise the Lord after every few sentences. Though I understood what he said, He was preaching on the power of God. I felt really uncomfortable in the way it was presented. At the end, he gave an altar call and more than half the congregation responded. He was praying for people one by one and at the end of some, he would shout "Release!" and the person falls over. I am not against being slain in the spirit. I was slain before. But I feel like I am watching a show. Maybe I am being too judgemental but I felt out of place. Like I did not belong anymore to such settings. Being like a fish out of water.

The thing is I grew up with these. Hallelujahs and I remember attending seeker services where all these are too familiar to me. Why am I feeling out of place now?Have I strayed away? Have I become too critical? Have I out grew it all? Or is there an outgrowing of the Spirit?

I could not articulate why I am feeling such but I am not going to think too much or dwell upon this. I am saddened that I cannot relate to such "church service" anymore. I do believe in the Holy Spirit and the signs and wonders of God. Yet I will walk close to the Lord as much as I know how.

Teach me Your ways as I walk in Your path. Don't let me be too judgemental but help me to understand.

Sense of Security

2008-10-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

How completely satisfying to turn from our limitations to a God who has none.... For Him time does not pass, it remains.... God never hurries. There are no deadlines against which He must work. To know this is to quiet our spirits and relax our nerves. —A. W. Tozer

Nice Picture

2008-10-23T02:19:00.001-07:00

Found this picture on the web and I like it so much. Shows the life and death. New shoots and old plant. Everything when growing is new and fresh. Full of promises, but after a while, cob weds starts to clutter and branches starts to drop. Things are not as flexible anymore. Does not have to be though. We loose the sense of excitement and hope.

What defines me?

2008-10-16T00:52:00.000-07:00

Having worked in the church for 8 years and being "active" in church ministries since I was a teenager, I had my self worth in what I did. A youth leader, children church teacher, worship ministry, being a church staff, I kept myself busy with church. Everything evolves around the church life. That has given me my self worth. I thrive in them. I am more than happy to be involved. That gave me a sense of belonging. A sense of importance.

Lately, a lot has happened in my life and I slowly felt that I am not satisfied being in church. I sense such an uneasiness. An unwillingness to be involved in anything and so the beginning of this year, I quit my "ministries". I quit being a church staff. Not really knowing what I was doing but it has to be done. Thought I was back-slidding. I felt really lost for a while. I did not even feel like going to church. A bit disorientated. I did not know what He was doing. I thank God that He never left me. That He had a plan and a purpose.

I rested for a few months and took interest in what I like doing. Meeting people still. Pursuing my hobby in photography and that has given me satisfaction. In it, I found who I am in God. I begin to find my worth in Him again. Now I realise how important it was to me being a church staff and how it was taking me away from really knowing Him. I can be involved in chruch activities and yet still miss the point. I put my self worth in the wrong places. I guess that was why I felt disoriented cause I have been putting my self worth in what I was doing. Who I have become not who I am. Partly because it was drummed into me that I need to strive to be a leader. Then I will be a successful christian. Success as a Christian is not in the ranks or in the ministry that I am involved in. But subconsciously, I made it so in my life.

Now whether being a leader or not is not important. I am still wanting to be in ministries not because of how it made me feel. Not because it will make me feel secure but because I love the people and I love God. My worth is in Him. And I do things because of who He has made me to be. Doing things which I love like the photography workshop coming up in my church. I know that it will bring Him honor. If it does not work out, I will not feel discouraged about it. Though I will give it my best cause I am doing it for Him.

Lately I heard a song by Casting Crowns which made me cry. It is called "Who am I"

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am yours.
I am yours.

We Are the Light

2008-09-18T20:15:00.001-07:00

I was reading a forum entry and this person (X) who quoted "You are the Light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden" Matt 5:14. He said that we are to shine for Christ. Which I agree. However, in the context of the forum, they were talking about our weakness and trials. That Christians are human too and have weaknesses. Christians too go through suffering and trials. X did not agree simply in the context of this verse saying that "we are not to show our weakness otherwise people will not see the difference between Christians and non-Christians and will not come into the Kingdom. We are the light in darkness". I think that this sad. Even sadder when I know that this is how many Christians thinks.

We cannot in our own effort be righteous. It is not our righteousness that win people to the kingdom but Christ. This is the reason why people in church are the ones who put on masks. More so than non-Christians. Because of the righteousness "standard" that is expected of them. A false expectation. They have to not show their weakness. Because Christians should live a "victorious" life.

God calls us to be more Christlike. Our righteousness comes as we come closer to Him. We still do have weaknesses. If not, we shall be God. It is ok to show weakness cause then we can show the strength of our God. That we cannot do it but God can. We cannot walk this road of suffering but God can help me. It is in these trials that God is revealed through us. It is in our response to God that people can see Him. That He is real and living and His life is intertwined with ours.

The fruits of the spirit is love, patience, kindness, perseverance, goodness, joy, peace..... but these are the FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT. Comes when we behold Him. When allow Him to change us from glory to glory. Not in our own strength trying to be righteous. Even when there is more of Christ and less of us, it is what God can do through us in our human weakness. Our character and response to trials.

Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. Not those who wait upon the Lord, all your cares will be gone. Or all your problems will be over. BUT that He shall renew our strength. When we feel we cannot go on anymore, we look to Him and He gives us more strength to go on. Then He helps us to carry on.

If we present a Christian who has no problems in life then how can others even relate to us? We are way high up there and they cannot even reach us. If they do, they will try to put themselves high up cause they think that this is how Christians shall live. Forever in denial. This is called escapism. Not faith.

Recently I read of the story of a lady who has lost her son. He went hiking in a national park and went missing. He was never found. His mother still hopes that he is alive. Which mother would not hope that. But she said "it does not matter being right or wrong (People have said they see visions of him being alive which gave her that hope too). It's capturing God's heart and pursuing relentlessly. To run the ways of His commandments and find Him there". She was thankful that her son has pursued God his whole life. That God is still God and to be praised. That in her suffering God gave her strength. Bad things still do happen to Christians but how do we go through them that matters.

That is the faith that people will see and be drawn to. The God who is real in our life. A God who gives strength. Her faith gives the picture of a great God. Even in her weakness.

I pray that through my life journey with Him, that others will see Christ in me. Not in my own "perfection". But in the trials that I go through, may He be seen. May His strength and character be seen. May I never loose sight of Him. Especially when the going gets tough.

How great is our God part 1

2008-09-11T23:05:00.003-07:00

How great is our God part 2

2008-09-11T23:05:00.001-07:00

How great is our God part 3

2008-09-11T23:04:00.003-07:00

How great is our God part 4

2008-09-11T23:04:00.001-07:00

How great is our God part 5

2008-09-11T23:03:00.001-07:00

Each picture tells a story

2008-09-09T21:00:00.000-07:00

Have been looking through the web photographs which people have taken. Some of which are stunning. To a browser, the photo may be stunning in terms of the lighting, the sharpness, the composition or the quality and the uniqueness of the photo. Whatever the story we tell of that photo would seem to be a guessing game.

Only the photographer knows the actual story behind each photo. Why he or she decide to take the photo. Where was she at that time. What happened before or after. What did she see in that photo. Only the photographer could tell that story.

Such is life. We may observe each person from their outward appearance but only God knows our heart. Only God knows the story in each person's life. Only God knows the complete picture.

JESUS

2008-09-09T20:15:00.000-07:00

"God became man NOT so that we would be divine but so that we would be truly human"

... I will live for Him!

2008-09-08T00:42:00.000-07:00

Saw this poster and I wondered how many actually understand what it means to live for Him. How much sacrifice they have to make. It has become such an "in" phrase. To live for Him. Something that we say without even thinking twice. Word is cheap. But do we really understand what we are saying? For that matter, how many really understand the meaning of Him dying for us. To what extent He has to go through. The sacrifice that He has to make. Becoming from God to man... He was 100% man on earth ... NOT 50% God and 50% man... then to the cross to be humiliated. Do we really understand? He not only died for me but also He lived on earth for me.

The miracle of prayer

2008-09-08T00:05:00.000-07:00

For sometime now, I have been wondering about prayer. I know we are to pray as Christians but I cannot seem to get away from the legalistic idea of prayer. There is even a song which says "Everytime we pray, we move the hand of God." Do we? Or are we given the privilege to participate in what He is doing? So if we do not pray then God will not act? It is like to me a picture of God waiting for us to give him permission to do something. Who then is God?

Prayer seem to be something that is forced upon us to do and it is almost mechanical in the way we do it. At least to me. So as I embark on this journey of discovering again about prayer, I stumbled upon a quote. "Prayer is a miracle".

Why is prayer a miracle? Because when we pray, it is not just words that we utter. It is not just going through a list of what we want. It is not just communicating with God but it is expecting our prayers to be answered. Probably not in a way that we would expect it to be answered. But as we pray, we expect that God is listening and that He WILL answer. That is our miracle. Something that the human ability cannot do. Not that we move God's hands but we leave it to Him.

When we pray we are agreeing with God what He is already doing. We are claiming His promises. Things that He already has promised us, we take hold of it and see it come to pass. That is a miracle. He promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us. And He will not. So when we pray "God please do not leave us." We take hold of that promise. He promise healing. Though we may not always see it happening. But He is still a God who heals. That is a fact and we are taking hold of that fact. Praying and believing it into pass. When we pray, we expect something to happen and that is God's miracle.

We can never understand why some prayers will be answered yet so many are left unanswered. Someone told me it is because of our faith. We do not have faith enough that is why God did not answer. Then are we saying that God is dependent on us to act? When Jesus performed his miracles, I wonder how much faith each person receiving the miracles had. Of course people argue that it says in the bible that Jesus could not perform many miracles in his own town because of their lack of faith. But there were also miracles which He perform where the people do not know who He was. So prayer is a miracle. We may not know but we trust that whatever the outcome, God is in control and that when we pray, His will gets done. God's ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than ours.

I am still on this journey to understand more about prayer. Still open for Him to teach me.

Hype

2008-08-27T01:26:00.000-07:00

In our churches today, we try to create an environment that stirs the spirit. An excitement that excites the soul. This is done especially during worship. We jump to fast songs, we try to make people cry through slow songs. Playing with their emotions and they would come out feeling excited and say that it was a nice worship service. Much like saying that it was a nice concert.

Please do not get me wrong. I do get excited when the Holy Spirit comes. Especially during worship. I do jump to fast songs and cry during the slow songs. I even cry during the fast songs. What is the difference then?

The presence of excitement and emotion does not produce the presence of the Holy Spirit but the Presence of the Holy Spirit produces the presence of excitement and emotions.

We cannot stir up our excitement and say that it is the Holy Spirit. It is He who does it. We cannot make people jump higher and say that the more we jump, the presence of God will increase in our midst. Who are we to order God around? But the excitement comes when we meet with Him. In His grace and mercy, He choose to meet us. Sometimes, He comes in a whisper. When all is silent. Sometimes, He comes when we are rejoicing.

However, I do not go around judging that this worship is hype and this is not. It is not for me to judge the intention of the person in front leading worship but for me to worship Him in spirit and in truth. Whether it is hype or not, as an individual, I worship Him. He will meet with me where I am. It is my heart condition too. If I start to judge whether this service is hyped or not, I will most certainly miss Him. They can still hype the worship and I can still meet with my Lord.

... IF ...

2008-08-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

Ever notice how Christians have this reputation of being nice because they want to get converts. I was talking with a friend and he said that he opened his house for this boy to live (such a noble intention) IF he goes to church and church "Activities". When the boy missed a few sundays, he was questioned. Finally, realising that the pressure was too great to live there, the boy left. Realising perhaps that the love and the invitation was not genuine. It was so that we Christians get a "good" name and get more people into church.

I mentioned we because I was part of those who has given "Christians" a bad name. We have community projects so that we can call the press and make a name for ourselves. So that our church is seen in doing something. To entertain those in the church. To attract people into the church. Once the people come into the church, they find that it is all a show and people start to become puppets of the system and start to put on masks. They begin to find out that people are not that caring after all. It is so difficult to find any church who has genuine interest in each other. Who accepts without the "IF".

In most churches today, If you are the leader or if you contribute a lot to the church, you are well taken care of. You are seen as important. But IF you are only a member, little attention is given to you.

Jesus loved without any "IFs". He did not put a condition on His love for us. Even if we are to reject Him, He would still walk the way of the cross. He is always inviting and concern for us not because He can get anything in return but because He truly love us.

Real religion is the religion of the heart -
bringing us in touch with the heart of God, and then caring from the heart for others.

Praise You in the Storm

2008-08-25T01:18:00.000-07:00

On Sunday when I was looking around during worship, I saw faces of people praising Him. I know of people whose husband is cheating on them and they are breaking down inside. I know of people who are suffering financial difficulty. People who are suffering from an illness. People who have been waiting for a child and been given a promised yet did not see the promise fulfill. People who have lost their loved ones. People who are trusting for their loved ones to be healed. People who are trusting for their loved ones to be saved. People whose family is breaking down. People who does not have a job. People who are lonely and lost. People who cannot make sense of life.... yet all praising Him because He is who He is.

Have you heard of stories where His children trusted in Him and yet they are disappointed but they can still say "it is well with my soul". I have heard of a story where a man is crying out to God for his daughter to be healed of a serious illness yet she still died. He was probably wondering why God? Why did you take such a young life away. He probably did not understand how come He says that He is a God who heal but...

Another story of a church member who trusted God to heal his wife of cancer and yet she still died. Talking to him afterwards, he said that he was upset. Disillusion about God. He was so sure that the God whom he trusted will not let him down and yet he still lost her. But he said I still worships Him cause He is still God. He is my only comfort in times of sorrow. God keeps drawing me to Himself.

So as I look around on Sunday, looking at all the faces who is worshiping Him despite of what they are going through, it made me cry. I remember a song which says... Praise looks good on you. I know I am journeying with a group of people who are broken yet still have hope in God because He is God. We are trusting in God though for different things yet it is trust altogether. Having faith to say "God I trust in You WHATEVER the outcome". I feel comforted that I am not on this journey alone.

The song "Praise you in the Storm by Casting Crowns" is one of my favorite for now. The words really resonate within me.

I was sure by now
God you would have reached down
Stepped in and saved the day
but once again I say amen
and its still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
YOu hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I'll praise you in this storm

I remember when, I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
And raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on?
If I can't find You?
And as the thunder rolls

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of heaven and Earth.

I was sure by now, God you would have reached down, Stepped in and saved the day... its still raining... I'll praise you in the storm, I will lift my hands... for you are who you are!

Lead Thou Me on!

2008-08-24T18:33:00.000-07:00

I read the below in a daily prayer website...

What does the desert signify in the story of the people of Israel, of John the Baptist, and then Jesus himself? It was not a destination, but a place for travellers going somewhere, journeying to a new life. Jesus had gone into the desert an unknown young carpenter from Nazareth, with thirty years of hidden life behind him. After the desert he returned to Galilee with power of the Spirit in him, and started to preach. Quickly he became a public figure, but he loved to withdraw to desert or mountain to recharge his energies by prayer. He moved forward like any of us, with no sure knowledge of what was to happen him. His life was shaped by the spirit driving him forward, but shaped also by the accidents of his life, the enthusiasm of some of his listeners and the resistance of others. He had a sense of where God was calling him (¬‘I am sent to cast fire on the earth.' Luke 12:49) and of the joy he felt in this vocation (‘My meat is to do the will of him who sent me.' John 4:34) After the quiet life of Nazareth, Jesus' public life was tumultuous. If we are to do justice to his humanity, we must accept that he did not know what would happen next, only that this was where God wanted him to be.

Most of us could point to a similar second calling, though we might not think of it in that way. A second journey like this is not an easy option. It means casting adrift from the security you have enjoyed, not knowing where the road will take you. In all this journeying we are looking for light from the Lord, as John Henry Cardinal Newman expressed it,

Lead, kindly light, amid the encircling gloom, lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home, lead thou me on!

I AM the Way

2008-08-18T20:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I have moments of being "Lost" and tired. Just do not know what to do. Where to turn to. I do love the Lord but He seems to be missing. Then I remember Him saying "I am the Way, The truth and The Life.... follow Me."

Heard of the expression "Easier said then done"? This is one of those things where it is "Easier said then done." Yet what are we to do? Whatelse is there to do except to trust. Where else are we to turn to? We have just to wait upon Him. I do attest that in my times of trials, it has brought me closer to knowing Him. The more I know Him, the easier it is to trust Him. I said easier. I still do have times of feeling "Lost".

Our "Fathers of Faith" in the past has done it. They have finished the race and could testify that it is all worth it. Perhaps this is my comfort.

Sometimes in this race I feel like giving up
My strength does seem to run out
Yet the broken pieces He will pick up
Placing life within me to give out.

Who can understand the ways of the Lord. Sometimes we feel we cannot go on anymore, He will come to give that bit of encouragement to keep you going further still and then after a while your fuel seems to run out and He will come again to help you to press on again. Yet He does not leave us alone to fight the fight. He says "I am the Way". We need just to follow Him.

I just had a picture of a little girl following her daddy to the woods on a long journey. The road may be unpleasant. There are mountains to climb, rivers to cross, spider webs to go through and it may be hot and humid. Yet the father never let go of this little girl's hand. Then when she cannot go on any further cause she is too tired, he carries her on his shoulders until she is rested and strong enough to walk again.

Wow. I think sometimes when I blog, He does minister to me as well. Just to put my thoughts together and to focus my attention on Him. Its like my spiritual formation excercise :P

Dancing Leaves

2008-08-14T22:58:00.000-07:00

I was driving to town the other day and the roads were filled with dried leaves. Then suddenly, there was a strong gust of wind and the leaves were blown up and along the road. It was such a beautiful sight. As I was driving, it was as though the leaves were dancing around the car and on the road traveling with me.

As I looked at the leaves, dancing so gracefully, without any effort on its part, without a care in the world, for that very moment, a dead leaf looked graceful because of the wind.

I started to ponder upon my life. Been feeling rather "dead" spiritually but the Holy Spirit can cause me to look graceful too as I allow Him to dance with me. He can use me to encourage another soul. Isaiah 26:3 says "You will keep her in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You because she trusted in You". No effort on my part. The joy of the Lord within. The trusting in Him. Just allowing God to take me where He leads. As the wind of God blows. Joining Him in the dance of my journey.

Expressions of Faith

2008-08-12T02:18:00.000-07:00

A conversation between a lecturer and his student

Student: I feel very pressured to have to do something with my faith.

Lecturer: What do you mean?

Student: My leaders says that if I want to grow in the Lord, I shall be in some sort of a ministry or do some evangelism or teaching to express my faith. So that I do not become like still water that breeds all the wrong things. As I express my faith, I will grow as well.

Lecturer: So what are you going to do?

Student: I do not know. They ask me to do a gifting test to see what my giftings are. My leader mentioned that I am gifted pastorally and in hospitality. That I should join the hospitality minisry or join the cell group to be a cell group leader. But I do not really want to do any of that.

Lecturer: What do you like to do?

Student: I like to paint. But my leader says that painting does not build the kingdom. We need to do things that builds the kingdom and build the church. Things that glorify God.

Lecturer: That is true that we are to build the kingdom but that does not mean you cannot use the talents that God has given you to do that. In all that you do, do the best you can and it shall bring glory to God.

Student: Anything?

Lecturer: Yes. Anything that you do can bring glory to God. It can tell people about a creative God that we serve. You can tell people of this glorious God through your paintings and it builds the Kingdom this way. Look at Michelangelo. He thinks he was only a painter who is employed to paint the walls of the cathedral. But look at his paintings. It brings glory to God. Painting can also be your expression to bring glory to God as long as when you do it, you do it for His glory.

Student: It is true. I do not need to be in a ministry to express my love and desire to God. I can still express my worship through things I like doing. I can also grow in my knowledge in Him through my paintings as He guides me and teach me. It is my expression of faith in Him.

Lecturer: Yes. After all, faith is the medium through which we see God. How we see Him can be expressed creatively. Not all are called to teach or lead. We have our part to do in the Kingdom. Do what you love best and that will be your expression of faith.

Indescribable

2008-08-08T07:16:00.000-07:00

Using some of the photos which I have taken, Hope it glorifies our creative God.

All the way my Saviour leads me

2008-08-08T04:14:00.000-07:00

Hymn written by Fanny (Frances) Jane Crosby, 1820-1915

All the way my savior leads me;
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who thro' life has been my guide?
Heav'nly peace divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know whate'er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know whate'er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;

All the way my Savior leads me;
Cheers each winding path I tread,
Gives me grace for ev'ry trial,
Feeds me with the living bread;
Tho' my weary steps may falter,
And my soul athirst may be,
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! a spring of joy I see;
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! a spring of joy I see;

All the way, my Savior leads me;
Oh, the fullness of His love!
Perfect rest to me is promised
In my Father's house above:
When my spirit, clothed immortal,
Wings its flight to realms of day,
This my song thro' endless ages:
Jesus led me all the way;
This my song thro' endless ages:
Jesus led me all the way;

This song has brought comfort to many who has been seeking and hanging on to faith. Those who were in prison and those who were persecuted for His name.

"Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who thro' life has been my guide?"

"For I know whate'er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;"

Just like in the bible, one of the disciples say "Where can I go? You have the words of eternal life."

Many times I wonder about my faith. I wonder if there is a God. Today, my favorite Aussie friend said... To him, faith is simply the medium through we see God. God remains the same yesterday, today and forever. He is always there. It is our faith that cause us to see him differently. When we do not see him, it is because our faith has been clouded. Imagine God standing in front of us. He is always there. Faith is like wearing glasses. Some may be opaque. Some clear. Some tainted. Some cloudy. Some scratched and thus blocked our view. The filter that our faith has to go through is our experiences, our worldview. Our cultures. Our situation. But God is always "just there". God is always leading and guiding. All the way, my Saviour leads me. May I come to say "For whatever befalls me, Jesus doeth all things well."

Spiritual Dryness

2008-07-30T00:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we experience a terrible dryness in our spiritual life. We feel no desire to pray, don't experience God's presence, get bored with worship services, and even think that everything we ever believed about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is little more than a childhood fairy tale.

Then it is important to realise that most of these feelings and thoughts are just feelings and thoughts, and that the Spirit of God dwells beyond our feelings and thoughts. It is a great grace to be able to experience God's presence in our feelings and thoughts, but when we don't, it does not mean that God is absent. It often means that God is calling us to a greater faithfulness. It is precisely in times of spiritual dryness that we must hold on to our spiritual discipline so that we can grow into new intimacy with God.
Henri Nouwen Society

That is exactly how I have been feeling. But it is so difficult to hold on. Not knowing what to do. The other day I remember being led to read 2 Chronicles 3 and tears just flowed. It talks about building the temple of God and it was like God is saying to me that He is making me like that temple. Laid with gold and gem stones. A beautiful place where God Himself will reside. Others will see the beauty of the temple. This is the hope and the encouragement that keeps me going. That He is doing a work in my life.

Titus Brandsma

2008-07-18T02:44:00.000-07:00

Titus Brandsma wrote while a prisoner in Danchau concentration camp

"Leave me freely all alone,
In cell where never sunlight shone,
Should no one ever speak to me,
This golden silence makes me free."

He understood that even through suffering, the presence of God was there with him.

Loving One Another

2008-07-16T01:31:00.000-07:00

More than a few months ago, I was just talking to a friend who is wanting to leave our church. I asked him why and this was his reply "I need to go and get myself sorted out first and then come back." I was dumb founded. Get yourself sorted out? Isn't then church the place for you to do that? With people who "supposedly are your friends"? Over and over again, I hear statement that the church won't accept me. I am too "screwed" up. I do not want to go to church cause they will judge me.

This is such a sad picture. People has view church as this "holy" place for the pure and "elite". As long as you know how to act and dress and talk. You are ok. Do not matter if you are in pretense. Ephesians 4:32 says "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you". Ephesians 5:19 writes "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against each other. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." 1Thessalonians 5:11 says "Encourage one another and build each other up." What happened to the church? Why is it that when one is in trouble, the church is the last place they would want to go?

Have we been too much of a "purity" police? Judged with our actions? Though we have not said it out loud? Do people feel intimidated or pressured to have to act a certain way?

Me being part of the church was guilty as charged. I was very upset at a certain individual who made a big fuss about getting financial gain for a certain ministry work that she did. I was upset because we are all volunteers. This is God's work. I complained to one of the leaders and he said "Have you ever thought that she is in great financial trouble?" I looked at the situation, he looked at the heart. The person mattered more than any rules or regulations that we have set. Any structure that we try to upkeep.

Jesus said, "A new commandment I give unto you; Love one another. As I have loved you, love one another."

There is a time to speak and a time to be silent

2008-04-14T19:33:00.000-07:00

The Bible warns against talking too much. "Is there no end to windy words?" asked Job (Job 16:3). "The more words, the more vanity... There is a time to speak and a time to be silent..." (Ecclesiastes 6:11; RSV) Be silent, and let that be your wisdom. Jesus said of the Pharisees: ‘They think God will hear them for their many words.' (Matthew 6:7)

What is clear in the life of Jesus is that he listened with all his senses. The Gospels often remark, ‘He knew what was in their hearts.' - whether it was the scribes laying traps for him, or the disciples in a state of puzzlement or unease. He listened to people, watched their faces, sensed what was in their guts. When they were about to stone the adulterous woman, he did not give out to them, but said just one sentence: ‘Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone.' (John 8:7) After that he was silent and doodled in the sand, feeling the fury and shame of the would-be killers as they trooped out, beginning with the oldest.

When we meet Jesus in prayer, we do not need to explain. He reads our hearts too. One of the joys of prayer is that it opens our hearts to us, so that we realise our own jealousies or resentments, our deeper feelings. To meet him in this way, we need to be still and stop making words.

He is Risen

2008-03-23T18:38:00.000-07:00

He is Risen!
That through him, we may rediscover faith:
in ourselves, in our world, in our God.
He is Risen!
That through him we may rekindle hope
for the abandoned, for the despairing, for the dreamless.
He is Risen
that through him we may restore love
to those from whom we have kept it.
To those who are most near us, to those we will never meet, to all and everything.
He is Risen. Alleluia!

What are you doing Lord?

2008-03-19T06:41:00.000-07:00

Sometime in the year 2006, when I first started this blog, i really got excited about revelations and wanting to know the truth. I saw a certain side of Christianity that I have never seen before. Fresh insights to church and Kingdom. I went on a quest to wanting to find out more. Meditations that help me "understand" what this kingdom of God is really about. May not be right but what I found out brought new insights to my faith.

Then, it was last year that I started not to be able to sit quietly. Not able to concentrate. Something in me was unsettling. That excitement of wanting to know... that childlike awe was suddenly taken from me. God seems so far away. Till I wanted to get away from it all. What I was going through does not seem to make sense yet I kept trying to analyse it like I always do. Other Christians try to analyse my life for me too.

Now sitting here, I realise that I have pushed God aside. Pushed him into my intellect. Put Him in a box. My quest to want to find out about the Kingdom and feeding my intellect does not build relationship. It does not build heart knowledge. I have to get what I desire in my intellect to my heart. At times I go into meditation in order to get new revelation but not to be with Him. I have my priorities all wrong. I was doing things to feed my intellect not my spirit.

Now, God just requires me to realise He is there. To know His presence. There are times where I will just be driving and I know He is there and I will start to cry... for no apparent reason at all. He is making my heart alive again and I cannot reason it out. Questions that I always ask when I "spend" time with Him... What is He doing? Where is He taking me? What is He saying to me? Perhaps there should be no reason at all but simply that He wants to spend time with me. Even if it is just to let me know He is there. To enjoy this journey with Him. To do things together. Things that I like doing.

I have always thought that to be a Christian I have to understand how to be a Christian. There seems to be so many things to learn. How to pray. How to talk. How to act. When you are put in a church, there seems to be so many rules and you are put in classes to learn. The aim so that you can be a teacher to others. Not that learning is not important. Not that feeding the intellect is not important. But there needs to be a time to be ourself. That is who He has made me to be. Not to push aside our character and passion for life to be a robotic Christian. Mass produced by the church to be the same in actions words and deeds. But where is the life? The life with God.

I do have lots to learn but not in a way that would satisfy my intellect. Not in a way that would make me be just like everyone else.

Pure Chinese

2008-02-20T21:58:00.000-08:00

During one of my family gatherings, we asked a cousin of mine who is 10 years old if he wanted to go to church for a party. His reply was "My daddy say that we are pure chinese. If we go to church then we are no longer pure chinese.".

We do not know how to respond. Whether to laugh or to cry. But if you think about the reality of it. Our churches today, is not cultural. A lot of our ideas and the way we run church is exactly a copy of how the westerners run church. From the way we are suppose to dress to the style we present the gospel. Not that there is anything wrong in it but where is our culture that God has given us? God is not an American. A friend was commenting, "Let's serve Teh Tarik and roti canai for communion".

Apple tree?

2008-02-18T21:09:00.000-08:00

Someone sent me this through e-mail. i found it very cute. Amazed actually at how people could come up with all sorts of things. Basically, it is about "What tree are you." Your birthday corresponds to a type of tree and each tree has its own meaning. I am an Apple tree and this is what it says.....

Apple Tree (the Love)... Quiet and shy at times (This is so true), Lots of charm, appeal and attraction (So very true too :P), Pleasant attitude (What can I say), Flirtatious smile, adventurous, sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved (Who doesn't), faithful and tender partner, very generous, many talents, loves children, needs affectionate partner (Sounds like I am putting up an ad for myself. Haha. Anyone care to apply?)

Coffe Anyone?

2008-01-23T21:24:00.000-08:00

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some case even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups. Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us."

"God brews the coffee, not the cups.... Enjoy your coffee!
"The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything."
-- Dr. Jamie Higley, D.C.

What in The World?

2008-01-20T01:41:00.000-08:00

It started off as what seems like just another day. Then all of a sudden, there was a great commotion outside. Crucify Him! I ran out to have a look and saw a great crowd of people. As I looked past their heads, I saw a group of Roman soldiers flogging a man covered with blood carrying the cross. I asked the crowd what was happening. They said that Jesus is to be crucified. Jesus? The Jesus who I so much admire? I relook at the man carrying the cross. I could not recognise him. His face is covered in blood. His body beaten and raw. I could see parts of His flesh torn out. Who could have done such a terrible thing? Is that The Rabbi who has such insight to God? Infact, he did claim to be the Son of God once. The messiah that was promised. I remembered only a week ago, we have broken palm branches to hail His coming. The one who is going to deliver us. Can't He save Himself? He performed so many miracles. I saw with my own eyes. A man with such power now looked so weak and helpless. Is He really the Son of God? What then will happen if He is to be crucified. I have placed such hope in Him. Believed in His stories. You mean He is not the messiah? Has He been lying to us all along? Hope smashed. Disappointment crept in. Confusion running in my mind. I really did believe that He is the messiah. How can He die in such a disgraceful manner. A death of the criminals. It is a great joke to have placed my hope in what seems to be such a weakling now. Why did I believe? Yet there is still something about Him. Why then did this happen? How could God allow it to happen? Where are you God?

Sometimes, we human with our limited understanding could not comprehend what God is doing. In our mind, certain things have to happen this way or that. If it goes against all human reasoning, then confusion and judgement and disappointment creeps in. What is happening? It says in the bible "His ways are not our ways. It is far greater." Sometimes we may not understand. It may even cause us to doubt Him. To doubt our faith. But blessed are those who believe and yet not understand. Those who hold on to their God even in times of confusion.

Jesus, the promised messiah had to die a death of a criminal though he did not wrong. There was a greater purpose. Though at that moment, many of his followers did not understand. They would have thought that they were cheated. Such confusion and disappointment but in the end, there was a greater promise. God with us. The veil was torn. We could enter into His presence. The prophecy fulfilled.

TRUST.

Our path....

2008-01-18T00:11:00.000-08:00

Obedience is one path to God, freedom is another. In Jesus the two paths come together. -- Juris Rubenis Finding God in a Tangled World

Love

2008-01-16T23:51:00.000-08:00

I have 3 dogs at home. 2 dogs and a bitch. at the moment, the bitch is on heat and the other 2 dogs are going crazy. Our house garden is split into 2 levels and usually, one of my dog will never want to go up the stairs. Perhaps he is getting old and he hates to climb. I will usually have to pull him up the stairs. But yesterday, I saw him climbing up and down the stairs cause we seperated the dogs and the bitch was put at the top level. Chinese have a saying that when you have love, you can survive with only water.

Love makes a person do silly things. Love makes a person to drive 2 hours just to see the other person for 5 minutes. Love makes you give up your own personal desires to accomadate the other person's wishes. Love cause you to make a fool of yourself and you do not care who is watching.

When we love God, we would do crazy things for him too. But like any love, the excitement and passion would soon fade and someone once said to me, "love is a feeling but true love is a commitment". When my bitch is no longer on heat, the dogs actually can't stand her cause she would disturb their peace.

After saying "I do", no matter how hard reality is, you are stuck to that person for life. Not that the love is gone but the lovey dovey feelings maybe gone. Then what?

We may start off being very passionate about the things of God but after a while, what drives us? Many of us get tired and burned out cause at the end, that feeling cannot drive us forever. There need to come a time that we discover actually what drives us. What is that commitment? For husband and wive, it is the relationship that they have for one another that will see them through. For us Christians, I guess it has to be relationship with God.

God will cause us to discover the dark night of the soul to cause us to search deep within ourself who we are, who He is to us and what drives us. There will be times when our journey with God will be hard going and we may even think does God actually exists? A journey where we will really ask the hard questions. The journey where we would really search our purpose. True love is a commitment. Only when you are committed to growing and knowing Him would you actually find Him. Do not give up easily when the going gets tough.

Playing Christian?

2008-01-14T19:19:00.000-08:00

Someone sent me this article about believing in Christ. The question that has been on my mind for ages now. If we say we are Christian, then why do we not believe in EVERYTHING that we see and hear about Him. Why do we disregard the thoughts that seem to be ridiculous to man. For example, God may ask us to give tell a total stranger that He loves him or her or maybe God may ask us to give some paper to the person at a restaurant. Sometimes, when things does not make human sense, we say that it is not God but just our silly thoughts. That if we do, we are just branded as being too radical. Below is part of the article I was sent.

"Make no mistake about it: Jesus was radical in the things He said and taught, and in the way He lived. He came to set a new example of what life is all about. Generally speaking, mankind has turned Christianity into another religion with a set of commandments to try to keep the people in a "righteous way" of living. But that has never worked ~ not in the Old Testament and certainly not in the New. To know and follow Jesus is not adhering to a mental assent on "Christian theology." It is coming to Christ in true repentance, which is then demonstrated by a total surrender to His will for our lives. To know His will means that we need to listen to and heed His voice. The voice of God will always be confirmed by the principles of the Scriptures. The power of God is determined by how we believe what He says (by His Holy Spirit and the written Word, the Scriptures), and how we respond to that voice. It is no use our saying we believe God and then do not respond to what He says! lf our believing is not strong enough for us to totally commit to it, then we are being hypocritical (double minded) . . . we are simply "play-acting" Christianity. And that is a powerless way to live."

I desire to see the Kingdom here on earth. Not just a bunch of people who live loving one another but also with the power of God demonstrated. The signs and wonders. The acts that bring people to be in awe of our Mighty and awesome God.

DO you know all about Jesus?

2008-01-09T00:09:00.000-08:00

Jesus decided to walk the earth again. He climbed down from the crucifix, put on ordinary clothes, and knocked at the door of a certain pastor.
"I am Jesus," he said.
"You can't be," the pastor answered. "Jesus is seated at the right hand of the Father."
"That is true," Jesus continued, "but I have decided to come and take a look at life on earth."
"But Jesus will come in glory with all his angels," the pastor said emphatically.
"True," Jesus said, "but on that occasion there will be no time to talk with me."
"But I have nothing to say to you," the pastor replied. "I know all about you already."
"That's a pity!" Jesus replied, and he returned to the cross.

-- Juris Rubenis, Finding God in a Tangled World

Goodbye 2007

2008-01-08T22:17:00.000-08:00

2007 has been a very interesting year for me. I would say the most difficult year so far in my lifetime...

As I was welcoming the year 2008, I could literally feel the pressure going off my back. Perhaps it was also psychological.

I remembered at the beginning of 2007, I prayed "God, let me know you this year like I have never known you before no matter what it takes..... No matter what it takes. And God does not bring us through a journey that is a bed of roses to cause us to know Him. It is often in the hard times. In the times of brokenness, that is when you see His strength. That is when you realised you are only human who need a saviour.

Though 2007 has been somewhat "challenging", I would say it has been a year where I learn to cling to God. Like Henri Nouwen would put it, I learned to "dance" with God. I have heard so many sermons that says "Put your faith in God when you encounter storms. He will bring you over the storm." " when you are in the midst of a storm, God will cause you to be soaring above so that you look at it from a distance and as you see the sea raging, you are soaring like an eagle above." Or there is even this one which says "God will cause you to be below sea level. SO when the storms and winds are above and the waves are high, you cannot feel the impact of the storm for below sea level, everything will appear calm."

When the disciples were crossing the sea and the storm came, they were not above nor were they under. They were just there in the midst of the storm.

If I were to describe my 2007, it was like I have been in the middle of the storm. Amidst the loneliness, confusions, frustrations, disappointments. There seems to be nobody who understood what I was going through. All too quick to give me answers. "It must be that you are not walking right with God. That is why you do not sense His peace". And who says that walking with God, you are somehow shielded from problems? That is why there are so many disillusioned christians out there who runs away from their problems. Somehow disassociate themselves from their problems by lying to themselves.

It is in these times where God is drawing me near Him. I realised that I have no one who understands me except Him. Sometimes He even asked me to do things where no human mind could comprehend and do I stay on the "safe" plain or do I follow? I experienced the peace beyond understanding. I learned to walk with Him. Bringing me constantly to a place of aloneness with Him.

"Mourning means facing what wounds us in the presence of one who can heal us". And it is often when we experience times of brokenness and mourning that we find the giver of life to be so real in our lives.

Victory is not when the storm is over and we find peace and happiness again. The most treasured moments is when you learn to "dance" with Him in the midst of the hard times. That is when we should rejoice (If we can) that we have the privilege to know Him in a deeper way. The cross invites us to see grace in the midst of pain. Mourning and dancing are part of the same movement of grace. To bring us to a place of brokenness so that there will be life in Him. Having wisdom in the inner most part. (psalm 51). The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit. A broken spirit and a contrite heart, He will not despise.

Did I regret going through 2007? I would not say so. The Kingdom of God is priceless and there is a price to pay. Like the parable of the pearl of great price. Once you find something valuable, you would sell all you have to gain it. I would not say that I am out of my storm. I do not know what is installed for me this year. But I know this. I will trust in Him who walks with me. Yet will I praise Him.

More Quotes

2007-11-01T22:21:00.000-07:00

God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with him.
Jim Elliot

Grieve not, then, if your sons seem to desert you, but rejoice, rather, seeing the will of God done gladly.
Jim Elliot

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.
Jim Elliot

I may no longer depend on pleasant impulses to bring me before the Lord. I must rather response to principles I know to be right, whether I feel them to be enjoyable or not.
Jim Elliot

Wherever you are - be all there.
Jim Elliot

Don't Put Me In Box

2007-10-25T19:40:00.000-07:00

What is it about Christians that they think they have it all together. I am talking about Christians in general. And they think that what they understand about the gospel is the absolute gospel. Not only that, they will try to change your way of looking at the gospel in accordance to what their views are.

One person can interprete the gospel differently from another person but who is right? Yet both try to make one another think the way they do. Pushing God to the sidelines cause they think they know better.

Can one person really understand everything about God? How sure are we that our views are correct? Is there an absolute answer to God's ways. We cannot place God in a box cause he is a being. He is creative and all knowing. He does things differently all the time. Then why are we trying to make everyone think the same and do things in the same manner?

A friend told me that we learn from our "fathers of faith in the past". Yes we do learn from them. Their faith and what they understand about God. But ways and methods of doing things? How we exercise our faith?

Please do not judge and put me in a box. I am only trying to journey with God and walk the way I know best how to.

QUOTES

2007-10-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

"Blessed are the single-hearted, for they shall enjoy much peace. If you refuse to be hurried and pressed, if you stay your soul on God, nothing can keep you from that clearness of spirit which is life and peace. In that stillness you will know what His will is." --- Amy carmichael

"You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving." --- Amy carmichael

"Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: that man is here for the sake of other men." --- Albert Einstein

"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens." --- J. r. r. tolkien

Being Christian

2007-10-17T22:18:00.000-07:00

"Being a Christian is the most difficult thing in my life yet it is also the most fulfilling" says a well-known athlete who is diagnosed with a terminal illness. I could relate to her at this point in my life. It is difficult holding on to faith and trusting God yet it is that faith that keeps me going. Knowing that He will never leave me nor forsake me.

Been wondering about PASSION. What is passion? Where was the passion that I once had. Willing to go anywhere and do anything for God without feeling tired. But is passion the gunghoness in a person? the "ra ra ra". The person who wants to get his or her hands into everything that is related to God. The person who never seems to get tired. Is that passion for God? Can a person be passionate yet it is an inward change. Not necessarily in doing but in being. But your inward change affect your outward action as well right?

SO then what is wrong with me? I do love the Lord. But my "ra ra ra passion" is diminishing.

Heard of these statements? "If you love the Lord you have to love going for prayer meetings. You need to jump and dance during worship cause you will have passion you can't contain. Just let it out. You would be so excited to want to get your hands into all sorts of ministry"

In wikipedia, passion of Christ is referred to the suffering of Christ leading to His crucifixion.

A passion for God. Love for God. One wise man told me love is a feeling but true love is a commitment despite the feeling. Perhaps as we are chasing after God, getting more passionate for Him, we get to know Him more and as we know Him more, we behold more of Him and become more like him. As we become more like Him, we cannot help it but have more love for people and that is when we serve out of that love relationship with Him. Not some superficial forced out passion that we imitate. To show people that we are Christians. Not something we have to do but something we want to.

Perhaps I am changing from being told what to do.... from a superficial forced out passion to an inward change. A deep rooted passion. But it sure is difficult being Christian. Maybe it will be easier if we do not try to figure out what is happening and just let it happen. Feel like I am in a cocoon metamorphosing (Of course I have never been in one. You would be worried if I have). Hopefully at the end of it, God's will be done and I become more and more like Him. Not a butterfly.

John Piper on the prosperity gospel

2007-10-15T22:53:00.001-07:00

Prayer

2007-10-10T23:20:00.001-07:00

I have been pondering about what prayer is. I know that it is talking to God. It is our means of communicating with the Father. But... I am sure you have heard of the phrase "Everytime I pray, I move the hands of God." Then are we more powerful than God? We are the ones telling Him what to do. It is then our will be done? Or this phrase PUSH - Pray until something happens. What if I am asking Him for a BMW 7 series or a tall dark and handsome man to come with it. I will still be hopeful to pray... till the cows come home?Or I have read somewhere that you do a prophetic line on the floor and the thing you want God to do you place on the other side of the line and you physically cross the line to take hold of that which He has given you. You take it by faith... Wah! Talk about desperation and violence. Again sounds a little bit manipulative. Are we trying to manipulate God?

SO what is prayer and how then do we pray? I do not exactly know. I just know that perhaps as we get to know Him more and as we are closer to Him in our walk, we would know how to pray. We no longer need a formula or pattern to follow. It is like when you know your lover, you would not need to think about what to say.

When we pray, we pray in accordance to what God is doing. It is not always something unreachable or unrealistic. But prayer is something real when we pray accordance to His will and it will come to pass. Back to our relationship with the Father. Like what Jesus says "I only do what the Father tells me to". Not us trying to move the hands of God.

Another personality test.

2007-10-03T20:02:00.001-07:00

I did another myers-briggs test and this time, I have changed in my personality (which was done about 5 years ago) from mentor to advocate. Hrmm... This is what is says about me now.

"ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it."

"Friends are what life is about to ENFPs, moreso even than the other NFs. They hold up their end of the relationship, sometimes being victimized by less caring individuals. ENFPs are energized by being around people. Some have real difficulty being alone, especially on a regular basis."

"ENFPs are energetic and enthusiastic leaders who are likely to take charge when a new endeavor needs a visionary spokesperson. ENFPs are values-oriented people who become champions of causes and services relating to human needs and dreams. Their leadership style is one of soliciting and recognizing others' contributions and of evaluating the personal needs of their followers. ENFPs are often charismatic leaders who are able to help people see the possibilities beyond themselves and their current realities. They function as catalysts."

ENFPs generally have the following traits:

Project-oriented

Bright and capable

Warmly, genuinely interested in people; great people skills

Extremely intuitive and perceptive about people

Able to relate to people on their own level

Service-oriented; likely to put the needs of others above their own

Future-oriented

Dislike performing routine tasks

Need approval and appreciation from others

Cooperative and friendly

Creative and energetic

Well-developed verbal and written communication skills

Natural leaders, but do not like to control people

Resist being controlled by others

Can work logically and rationally - use their intuition to understand the goal and work backwards towards it

Usually able to grasp difficult concepts and theories

ENFPs are lucky in that they're good a quite a lot of different things. An ENFP can generally achieve a good degree of success at anything which has interested them. However, ENFPs get bored rather easily and are not naturally good at following things through to completion. Accordingly, they should avoid jobs which require performing a lot of detailed, routine-oriented tasks. They will do best in professions which allow them to creatively generate new ideas and deal closely with people. They will not be happy in positions which are confining and regimented.

ENFPs take their relationships very seriously, but also approach them with a childlike enthusiasm and energy. They seek and demand authenticity and depth in their personal relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort into making things work out. They are warm, considerate, affirming, nurturing, and highly invested in the health of the relationship. They have excellent interpersonal skills, and are able to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be. Energetic and effervescent, the ENFP is sometimes smothering in their enthusiasm, but are generally highly valued for their genuine warmth and high ideals.

The classic temperament of an ENFP is Apollonian, or Choleric, for whom a basic driving force is the search for meaning or purpose.

God's Strategy

2007-09-27T00:54:00.000-07:00

I was watching an interview of Peter Maiden, Director Of OM international and when asked him what does he think that God's strategy of missions is, his answer was "We can talk about people groups strategies, wholistics strategies, but I am convinced that God's major strategy is the holiness of the lives of His people around the world."

This makes sense because like the famous saying goes "People do not care how much you know till they know how much you care." Our lifestyle is the message. It is not about strategies or methods. It is about our relationship with the Father that will cause us to live differently. When they see us, they see Christ.

I was talking to a friend the other day over lunch and she said that she had a friend who thinks that Christians are very stupid people. To believe in such a God. Cause the message did not make sense to him. Saved by grace? Then he went to church and he encountered real people. People who are working professionals yet their life is so different. They are not stupid people who believe blindly. And it is their life style that touched him and now he is a Christian.

Even when we go on mission trips. It is the love of God that will touch the hearts of the people. The love of God for them. To reach out to those whom others see as outcasts. To care for those whom others reject.

God teach me more of Your holiness. What does it really mean? To be holy is much more than being good. Abstaining from doing good. God is holy and perhaps to be holy is to be more like Him. No wonder in life, there are so many storms. It is through the storms in life that God polishes us from the inside.

Strawberry madness

2007-09-26T08:04:00.000-07:00

I just came back from Cameron Highlands and you can go crazy with seeing strawberry everywhere.... They come fresh, canned, preserved, bottled... they have strawberry flavor ice-cream, vitamins, sweets, toothpaste, milk shakes, scones, muffins, pancakes.... even shampoo and air-freshener.

Strawberry Shampoo

Shampoo for kids

Clock

Jelly crystals

Pencil Cases

Umbrellas

Jewelery Box

Mugs and vases and containers

Clocks

Fancy boxes

Even crocs

Nestle Milk powder

Cake mixtures

Sour+ sweets

Photo frames

Pen holders

Breath strips

Lip Gloss

Chewing gum

Juicy fruit chewing gum

sugus

strawberry jam with peanut butter

Panadol??

Vitamin C

Of course in jam

Even Nivea has strawberry flavoured lip gloss

the range of sweets

Jelly

Chocolates

marshmallow

Ice-cream... yummy

painting on the wall of the bathroom

Cereal

more sweets

mentos

slippers

hats

bags

Yes, even soaps

fridge magnets

Strawberry concentrate

hersheys strawberry syrup

with honey

paper bags for you to put your strawberry products in

Chocolate coated whole strawberry

pillows

plates

preserved

wafers

Homemade jams

air-fresheners

towels

toothpaste

tea

note-book

They even have pens, eraser, pencils, etc... too many pictures to put up.

But wait a minute, don't they market Jesus the same way? You can find the name of Jesus on nearly every product imaginable. We even have John 3:16 drinking water. Whatever brings in the money... for His kingdom of course!

Turn My Eyes Upon Jesus

2007-09-16T07:25:00.000-07:00

This morning, I woke with this poem....

Step by step my Saviour guides me,
Darker and dimer the things around me,
Less and less the things I can see,
Tighter and tighter He holds me.

Then as I was driving, this song came to me and I was singing it the whole morning.....

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of the earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

There are so many things I cannot understand and yet I can only trust in His grace and mercy to guide me and lead me. It's like walking in the darkness not able to see what is in front of me yet His hand is holding on to me leading me to take one step at a time.

Times of Darkness

2007-09-14T19:23:00.000-07:00

Read This article about Mother Theresa and how she had 50 years of darkness in her life where she did not feel the presence of God. I have no doubt that God has been with her yet one cannot understand the desolation that we have to go through. The times of loneliness that God places in our lives. Yet in those times when God seems far away, deep within her she knows there is a God. Later she learned that our walk is not based on feelings alone. Yet every morning she still communes with Christ without fail. She wrote "Your happiness is all I want."

Yet many Christians still believe that as Christians, we should have no struggles and we should let the world know how wonderful it is to became a Christian without pain or struggle. Mother Theresa still kept to herself her struggles and was afraid to let anyone know of her struggles lest they have a wrong perception of Christ. She requested to destroy her letters that showed her weakness. Because as Christians we are told that as Christians we are Christ's ambassadors. When they see us, they see Christ. Mother Theresa wrote "when people see the letters, people will think more of me and less of Jesus." I admire her heart. That though she was in the desert place for so many years, her love for God remained strong. It did not deter her to give up. But is it the fault of the church that taught us as Christians, we are to hold our head high and walk through the storms? As though nothing has happened? We should never show weakness cause weakness is of the devil?

So much emphasis in our Christian walk is placed upon what we can do for Christ but not much about who we are in Him. Just that we are suppose to be overcomers. Suddenly when we accept Christ we becomes "Super humans." We never share about our struggles cause we think it shows weakness. People will think that we are not walking right with God.

Do not get me wrong. It is wonderful to be a Christian. I will never turn back. But I do have struggles. The pain is real. But I have Christ. Who walks with me. Though I do not feel Him most of the time, my faith allows me to believe He is there with me. We are still human in the flesh though we are redeemed. We read of bible heroes but which one does not have their own struggle? They are heroes cause they believed in God though they struggle. They held on to their faith and learn to trust God who is able. In our weakness we are made strong. David wrote "My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word." "My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life"

Yesterday, I was reminded that in our struggle we find Christ to be more real in our lives. Psalm 119:71 "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I may learn your decrees"

Below just some bits from the CNN time. You can find the whole write up here.

That absence (of feeling the presence of God) seems to have started at almost precisely the time she began tending the poor and dying in Calcutta, and — except for a five-week break in 1959 — never abated. Although perpetually cheery in public, the Teresa of the letters lived in a state of deep and abiding spiritual pain. In more than 40 communications, many of which have never before been published, she bemoans the "dryness," "darkness," "loneliness" and "torture" she is undergoing. She compares the experience to hell and at one point says it has driven her to doubt the existence of heaven and even of God. She is acutely aware of the discrepancy between her inner state and her public demeanor. "The smile," she writes, is "a mask" or "a cloak that covers everything." Similarly, she wonders whether she is engaged in verbal deception. "I spoke as if my very heart was in love with God — tender, personal love," she remarks to an adviser.

"If you were [there], you would have said, 'What hypocrisy.'" Says the Rev. James Martin, an editor at the Jesuit magazine America and the author of My Life with the Saints, a book that dealt with far briefer reports in 2003 of Teresa's doubts: "I've never read a saint's life where the saint has such an intense spiritual darkness. No one knew she was that tormented." Recalls Kolodiejchuk, Come Be My Light's editor: "I read one letter to the Sisters [of Teresa's Missionaries of Charity], and their mouths just dropped open. It will give a whole new dimension to the way people understand her."

The church anticipates spiritually fallow periods. Indeed, the Spanish mystic St. John of the Cross in the 16th century coined the term the "dark night" of the soul to describe a characteristic stage in the growth of some spiritual masters. Teresa's may be the most extensive such case on record. (The "dark night" of the 18th century mystic St. Paul of the Cross lasted 45 years; he ultimately recovered.) Yet Kolodiejchuk sees it in St. John's context, as darkness within faith. Teresa found ways, starting in the early 1960s, to live with it and abandoned neither her belief nor her work. Kolodiejchuk produced the book as proof of the faith-filled perseverance that he sees as her most spiritually heroic act.

It raises questions about God and faith, the engine behind great achievement, and the persistence of love, divine and human. That it does so not in any organized, intentional form but as a hodgepodge of desperate notes not intended for daylight should leave readers only more convinced that it is authentic — and that they are, somewhat shockingly, touching the true inner life of a modern saint.

The Heart of Our Existence

2007-09-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

Was in Bangkok recently and had some time to think about my life and my walk. Though did not have great revelation but it was a good time to have spent with God. Just to know I am loved and that He is my very core. Though all around me is like sinking sand, on Christ the solid rock I stand.

Read something in Henri Nouwen's book which writes.....

We are far more secular, pragmatic, rationalistic and achievement-orientated than we would like to think. We are frequently 'the children of this age'. We have absorbed far more of the values of this age than we have recognised. We strive for similar ideals. And frequently live out similar values.

This is so because we have not taken sufficient heed that the spiritual life has to do with the heart of existence. The attention we give to the spiritual life is frequently marginal. It is concerned with special religious activities, but not with lifestyle. It is concerned with worship but not with values. Its focus is blessing and not commitment. Its concern is prayer, but not service.

The spiritual life, however, has nothing to do with touching the edges of our lives. Its values does not lie in transforming the periphery of who we are. its purpose is not simply to add some extra qualities to our lives. The spiritual life has to do with the very core of our existence. The inner life is not a quiet inner sanctuary that remains segregated from the more central and mundane aspects of our lives. The spiritual life is transformative. It challenges us at the very center of our being and seeks to permeate every facet of our existence.

It is strange that we give the dynamism so little attention. It is frequently seen as the luxury of the few, rather than the passion of the many. It is seen as the preoccupation of the few rather than the norm for the many. Yet those who give development of the inner life its true priority will not be found wanting in virtue, strength, vision and purpose.

I read something like the above and I automatically say "I want it". to develop my inner life. But then I stop. Where do I start? Drawing near to God. Slowly perhaps I am understanding that in developing that inner life is to find who we really are. The root of that is to find our identity. From there springs a core value and starts to transform who we are from the inside. So where do I start. From a desire to want it. The rest is up to God to lead and guide cause I do not know how. I seem to be waiting and searching and longing for such a long time.

Our whole church system does not teach or lead us to this inner life. No wonder it is not a norm of many. Cause once we are saved, we are brought into this pattern of worship more important than values. Religious activities more important than lifestyle. Prayer meetings more important than service outside church.

I wrote in my facebook that I feel like I have been stuck to a wall with guey and sticky stuff and God is now wanting to remove me from there and He is ripping me off the wall but the sticky stuff still holds me back and it is painful as He rips me off. Some parts still sticks to me. Some parts still unwilling to let go. Like a scene from a Sci-fi movie. I feel like He is removing an "old" church system in my life and replacing it.... with.... Something I am yet to discover. Sometimes it is not the world system that we have to contend with but the church system. So sad.

Love is....

2007-08-31T00:36:00.001-07:00

The bible mentions a lot about love. God is love. We must do things in love. If not we are like a resounding gong and clashing cymbal.Just produces noise. But do we really understand what is love.

Love is never controlling. I am reminded of our freedom. How God gives us the freedom to live. Freedom to choose our own path. Won't it be easier if He directs all our path. If he does not give mankind a choice. Then perhaps the world will not be in the state that it is in right now. But it is because He loves us, He does not control us. Yet have we learnt that. Even in the church, leaders try to control their "Disciples". You have to come for this meeting. You have to get 3 people saved this year. You have to evangelize. It is the command of the bible. You have to this you have to that. For it is good for you. It is commanded in the bible. Even to the point of what we wear. You have to come in your best dress..... and Jesus changed before he ministered to the people for he has to look presentable. The clothes He wore was simply very dirty from all the walking that He did in the sandy roads. I never once read that it mattered.

Love does not do anything out of selfish motive. Yet many a times we find that even in my life we do things that suit us. We do things that make us look good. That makes our ministry stand out. So that I am satisfied. Doing things my way. Even in the success of a ministry. We rejoice because we did a good job or because many was blessed by it.

Love is sacrificial. We always look to the better of the other person. Not our own needs. But do we understand that love is sacrificial? As human, we fight for OUR rights. Even if we go to a restaurant and we are not being treated fairly, we demand an apology. In church, we wait to be served than to serve. Have you ever complained why the toilets in church are so dirty? Why the coffee is not hot enough? Why the carpets are so dirty? Have you ever offered to clean the toilets, wash the carpets, boil water? If someone needs a lift home but lives 30 minutes away from where you live, do still offer a lift? Do we give praises to people. Serve yet do not expect anything back in return?

It is easy to say I love you but difficult to live it out. We may not even understand the full extent of it. For God so love the world that He gave His only son. Jesus so love us that He came to live amongst us and to die for us.

The famous 1 Cor 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad bout injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.