My journey...

I do love the church

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 02:27:00 +0000

Listening to stories about the imperfection of the church, makes me love the church even more. Because the church is made up of imperfect people. There are many who suffers under the system of the church. Many who have been hurt by the church. Who will then love them?

The church is the bride of Christ. He is the head and the church His body. How can we embrace Christ and not embrace his bride?. How can we love Christ and not love His body. How God will weep for the state of the church because it is in His heart. God loves His church because it is made up of His people and this is how we are called into community with each other. As imperfect as the church is, there has to be a love for the church.

I am learning how to love the church. Perhaps it starts with one person at a time. I do thank God for His grace and His patience. His grace that though many churches are walking in their own selfish desires and system, He still causes people to grow and He still blesses them with His gifts and love. Shouldn't we then also love the church because it is in the heart of God?

It is not for us to judge the church. For judgment comes from God. It is for us to walk in obedience to His calling. For us to embrace that which is in His heart. To work together with Him to see His kingdom come. To see His plans restored to what He intends it to be. Focusing too much on the imperfection of the church blinds us to what is really important. The people.

The will of God and the love of God for the people. If we begin to look at people the way God looks at them, the imperfection of the church will not even bother you cause you are there for the people. You are there to love the people of God. Together we learn to embrace the will of God. Together with all our own imperfections we learn to walk the way of the Kingdom. With Christ truly as the head.

Illness and Church

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 08:40:00 +0000

I came by this article about people with illness and how the church has treated them... I could so relate to it because I myself have been suffering from an illness that the doctors say cannot be healed. For me, even sitting and standing up sometimes takes an extra effort. Below is the comments of people. While the church demands at times for perfection, it just need to realise that it is made up of imperfect people. And some are "suffering in silence".

Living with chronic illness is lonely. Everyone around us seems to be enjoying health, happiness and the ability to pursue their dreams. But we are lonely, scared, and disappointed. We are living with an illness that we have not been able to pray away, cry away, or confess away and so we turn to our church for guidance and acceptance. But churches are made up of people—all of us imperfect. We asked our readers, What would you like your pastor to know about living with a chronic illness and your need to serve others, or be ministered to, within the body? Here are some of your heart-felt replies.

I know I am young and you may not believe I am feeling well enough for leadership, but the Lord has worked in my life in so many ways through my illness and I am bursting to be a part of an “illness ministry” to encourage others. Please make some time to sit down and let me share my new calling with you. —Renee

It is very difficult for me to get to church due to the fact that the services are about three hours long and I have problems sitting for long periods of time. When I come, I have to choose between worship or the sermon. No one ever calls or checks to see why I am not there and I used to be one of their Sunday school teachers. I think they have a problem with the fact that I am one of those that have not been healed. —Doris

Every time we have gone to church and we have gone for prayer and I have sought out help, people keep telling me one of two things: “Patty, by His Stripes, You are healed… You must have faith; if you have faith then you will be healed,” or “You must not be praying hard enough.” I can’t tell you how much that hurts, and how I keep feeling like a failure when I am told that. —Patty

Some of us simply want to rest confidently in the Lord and rely on Him for provision during long periods of ill health. I want rest, calm and privacy—not to be cut off from kindly connection with people—but not to have knocks on my door at all hours of the day and night, either! —Caron

There needs to be a ministry devoted entirely to helping others: meals to the woman who just had a baby or rides to doctor appointments. Please help me out by seeing past the “you look fine, so you must feel fine” mentality. —Bridget

Those who live with chronic illness need understanding first, love second, and challenge third. There are times when an ill person can’t function, and the church and its leaders need to be understanding, prayerful and available—for solving practical needs as well as spiritual counsel. —Kay

Find out limitations, hindrances to participation. Ask, “What barriers, hindrances are there that prevent you from coming to church, worshipping with us, participating fully?” or “What can we do to help you to be able to participate more fully in church life?”

Be supportive, take me seriously, not down-playing my illness and yet not drawing too much attention to it either. Suggest helpful tapes, books and articles that help me keep my eyes focused on God.

I’d like people in the church to ask how they can help me in practical ways and offer some suggestions of what they could do, such as: rides to doctors, doing shopping, baking or housecleaning.

Invite me to activities even if I probably can’t attend and when inviting, give as much details re the proceedings, program, length, environment, etc as you can. Don’t be hurt if I can’t come.
—Marguerite

Even though I went through physical therapy and rehabilita-tion, I was unable to continue working. This was very devastating. In the months following the accident, I learned to rely on my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for comfort.

My husband was also disabled and this caused a greater stress. I was most grieved because my church family didn’t visit and the telephone calls were few. Don’t just tell people you’re praying for them. Come pray with them. Don’t ask if there’s anything you can do, come prepared to do!

Don’t ask if there is a financial need; think of the expenses you have in your household and, if they don’t have an income, there has to be a need. Don’t think that because they aren’t complaining they aren’t hurting. Don’t tell them to “give their problems to God.” Take that person and their problems in your hands and hold them up before God. —Wanda

Please don’t discuss details of my illness with others without my expressed permission. When someone asks how I’m doing, they don’t need to know that I now have a catheter. Ask me, “When others ask, what shall I tell them?” I will be happy to tell you how much information to share. —Rev. Koiv

My pastor feels very uncomfortable with people who cannot work hard and “Go! Go! Go!” for the Lord. His sermons are filled with “You must do this and you must do that!” I leave the service beaten up in spirit because my body is unable to “Go! Go! Go!” I fight depression because of the chronic pain and lack of sleep so I’m not “Happy! Happy! Happy!” all of the time. He feels that if you don’t “whistle while you work” then you better get on your knees before God! (Like I could get down on my knees and then get up again?) —Judy

My church seems to operate under the misconception that a person who is disabled by a chronic illness, as I am, doesn’t need to serve the church. They are content with my just showing up for worship when I am able.

I feel a compelling need to serve my Lord and my church. But I am no longer physically able to fill any of their traditional roles offered as service opportunities. When suggesting possible alternatives, I am met by rejection where it might cause someone else more work, or they just can’t see out of ‘the box’, or simply patted on the head and told to rest and not worry. This makes me feel useless, helpless, and a “lesser” person in the church – a burden.

My disability makes it extremely difficult for me to counteract these obstacles – I need my pastor or another leader to champion my cause for me. I need him to teach/motivate others in the church to extend a hand so that I might participate as fully as God allows. —Jean

As my pain grew worse over time, I realized that I could not do all the ministry that I wanted to do and had been doing; I am the pastor’s wife and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It was difficult for me to admit to our congregation that it was physically necessary for me to relieve myself of certain duties since I appeared fine. I periodically missed church, but I tried to go no matter how I felt.

As time went on, I decided to give up areas of ministry: I quit teaching; I quit singing in the choir; I quit being the secretary. I stood up in a service and, by way of testimony, explained my situation. The people were very supportive and did not look down on me because I was withdrew myself from ministry. Our church was encouraged to get behind me and hold me up. My (pastor) husband made sure that he provided updates on my progress.It was important to me that he validated my illness and supported my decisions.

It is difficult when someone steps down from ministry in order to attend to the physical needs of their bodies. But God has told us that this is his Temple and we are to take care of it. God sent new families to our church during my time of hiatus from ministry. My husband was very influential in plugging them into the vacant ministries. Because he supported me and my decision to remove myself, others were given the opportunity to serve the Lord and I have been able to focus on my relationship with the Lord more through this time. —Pamela

-ljc

Another IQ test?

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 07:19:00 +0000

Sorry that I have so many IQ tests posts but a friend convinced me to take this high society IQ test and I managed to scraped in to joining the international high IQ society. (I dropped in IQ from the last test :P.... see below) I can get a cert too... If I pay for it. I do not know what privilege the cert or joining the society do but it is good to know that I am in the top 5% of society. So How can I use this to glorify God?

YOUR IQ SCORE IS:

127

Your score places you in the top five percent of the population. This qualifies you for membership in the International High IQ Society.

Genious??

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 12:46:00 +0000

I did another IQ test and I just scraped through to being a genious.. hee hee

Free-IQTest.net - IQ Score

Intelligence Interval	Cognitive Designation
40 - 54	Severely challenged (Less than 1% of test takers)
55 - 69	Challenged (2.3% of test takers)
70 - 84	Below average
85 - 114	Average (68% of test takers)
115 - 129	Above average
130 - 144	Gifted (2.3% of test takers)
145 - 159	Genius (Less than 1% of test takers)
160 - 175	Extraordinary genius

NO GREATER LOVE the movie

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 07:50:00 +0000

Can't wait to watch this movie. I love what they say here in the "behind the scene". They want to honor God in whatever talent that He has blessed them with. Working with excellence cause they are working for God. Whether in acting, doing the lighting, with their work ethic. Whatever ability that God has given them. Loving what they do and honoring God in all they do. May we too find joy in the gifts and talents that God has given us to honor Him. Not necessarily only in "church" work but in whatever we do. Even simple things like doing the lighting in a big production like that. Or photography or whatever we do at work. May we honor God. This is their worship to God. Giving God the honor He deserve. It may not be the best movie around but it is something they did in worship to God.

Spiritual or Religious?

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 08:12:00 +0000

When we say someone is spiritual, often it means he or she is "walking right". They read their bible daily. They go to church and they are seen to be in many ministries and are active in church. Lately I met a person who says that I am very spiritual cause I talk about God and seem to "have it altogether". I do love the Lord. Don't get me wrong.

Thinking about this, what is spirituality and what is religious? Does it mean that a person who does not read his bible daily is not spiritual? Someone who is going through a hard time is not spiritual cause in God we are suppose to "have it altogether?"

I think that a person struggling with life but have a desire to make sense of it with God is more spiritual than he who seems to "have it together" but in his heart prides in his own righteousness and am putting on a mask to "fake" his experiences. Basking in his own religiosity and not spirituality.

Being spiritual is a matter of the heart condition and we do not always feel righteous but we seek after He who is. We are still in submission to His Lordship whether we know what is happening or not. We still walk in that brokenness knowing that if we try to make it on our own, that will not really satisfy us. So all we can do is wait and hang on to whatever faith we have. Trusting in the only One who have the answers. Sometimes, we feel like the picture. A stone on another stone connecting just by a small surface area trying to balance our faith and will fall anytime. But "Where can we go, you have the words of eternal life". Allow Him to bring the directions and healing. Whether it is from the church or not.

I am a real life person with emotions and a life as well whether I am a Christian or not. Becoming a Christian does not take me away from being human and being subjected to suffering. Probably the difference here is I struggle with God and ultimately, I have this hope and assurance that He will not leave me alone. That He has a plan for my life. At the moment I may not see but as I walk with Him through this, I know I am strengthened day by day and I have a hope.

There is a reason why the bible speaks so much about suffering. As Christians, we do not escape suffering. As we walk closely with Him, we are bound to cause friction with the environment around us.

Each person who struggles with his life with Christ, take hope. Trying to make sense of your life? Hang on there. What you are going through could well be a spiritual thing. You may not be seen as "Spiritual" but as the Spirit guides, He teaches and leads. He often teaches us through our sufferings. Through our loneliness and times of confusion. But He never leave us or forsake us while we are going through it. Let not your heart grow weary. Continue to hold on to the faith. You may not be wanting to read the bible or even pray but that is ok. It is not in your doing but in your being. Your being in Him. Allowing Him to still be Lord. As we seek, we will find. Sometimes, I am just silent thinking of Him. Not necessary I have to do anything. God, I am here. I do not know what to say. Let me know you are here too.... and just rest.

Community of believers who believes in you helps. Who will stand by you and pray with or for you. But not the ones who ask you to "snap out of it".

Please do not be religious and try to fit into a mold that an institute puts on us. Where there are people who seem "Spiritual" and "righteous" but in whose eyes? I am not against the church but I am tired of the church trying to tell us what is right in their own eyes. Looking at a person as a product of their instituition but not as a person who is different from each other. Struggles are seen as things that hinder a person cause they cannot contribute to the better of the organisation if they are given time off to seek God for themselves.

Seek the Lord with all your heart and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.

Father of Faith

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:18:00 +0000

Am pondering on the story of Abraham. Our Father of faith. When you read about the story of Abraham, he hardly comes across as a Father of faith. One who is so fearful of his death that he passed his own wife as his sister so he will not be harmed. One who listened to his wife and slept with his maid cause he did not trust that God will bring about his promises for a son to come to pass through Sarah his wife. Yet Abraham is our Father of faith.

The incident which is the turning point was the sacrifice of his son Isaac. Imagine a man whose only heir is Isaac (for Ishmael has been banished). A son who will carry on his family lineage. How precious is this son. Yet God has asked him to sacrifice that which he has waited for so long. God himself refered to Isaac as His beloved. How difficult it must have been for Abraham. Yet he feared God more than his desire for Isaac to live. He trust that God will keep his promise. God did promise that Abraham will have many descendents. Abraham trust that God will fulfill that which he promised. If Isaac is sacrificed, God will provide. If one is to have faith, one has to trust fully the person whom he has faith in. We cannot rely upon our own strength and our own understanding. Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him...

God will give a promise and test our faithfulness. Not to the promise but to Him. It is our heart which He desires. Our walk with Him is a journey. Though Abraham started off with unbelief, in the end, he feared God more than anything he desires. Thus God branded him Father of Faith.

God desires obedience rather than sacrifice. A sacrifice can be out of our own pride or our own strength. Something that I want to give up. Not necessary that which God has called you to give up. Obedience is a humbling of heart. A will to want to follow. A heart attitude.

King Solomon started off with a heart after God. He desired wisdom among all that God is able to give him so that he can lead God's people in righteousness. But Solomon in the end did not complete the journey well. He worshipped other idols and have swayed far from God. He was refered to a bad King. One whom God has chosen to build His temple. Gave in to idolism.

Abraham's faith was not a blind faith. It is through his experiences and his walk with God. It is through the many failures that he went through. The lessons that he has learnt. To know that it is better to listen to God rather than to disobey. He knows the character of God. He trusted in that character. Our Father of faith.

Faith

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 10:53:00 +0000

I needed faith when I gave my life to Jesus. To trust and believe that He died on the cross for me. I needed faith in my journey as a new Christian to trust and believe that He will guide me and lead me in the way of the Kingdom. It was easy to have faith then. Perhaps as I grow older, the things I need to trust in Him in seems "bigger".

We need faith as a mustard seed to move mountains. Just faith as a mustard seed. How little faith is that? It seems more and more difficult to hold on to those promises and trust. Will it ever happen? One element of faith is perseverance. Perseverance to wait for HIS timing. Perhaps this is what I lack. I do want to believe and in a sense I do believe but the wait is killing me. In my heart I do have that peace that surpass all understanding... including my own. I do know that God is in control and that He is behind all that I am currently going through.

In Hebrews it says that Faith comes by hearing and hearing the word. The written plus the rhema word. I know now more than ever, God is calling me to a greater intimacy with Him. Perhaps He has guided me to this stage in my life, brought me to a place of wilderness for greater intimacy with Him. To hear His heartbeat. To know Him and to have Faith in a different manner. So much is going through my mind and so many things which I do not understand. However, I know that there is no short cut if I do want to walk in His ways and follow His path. I have to be lead by Him through an intimacy with Him. There is where I will find my faith. My faith to not only move mountains but also to touch the lives of the people around me. The faith to know that all is going to be ok and that I will be walking in the center of His will for my life.

Faith... Such a mysterious thing. Yet it is one which require the person to not be self dependent. To have faith, you will need to release all your desires and your abilty to the one that you have faith in. There is nothing you can do unless you do not wish to put your faith in the person or thing. For example, everytime we sit on a chair, we need to have faith that the chair will carry our weight and will not break. It is not something that is beyond our controi; if we want to sit. If you do not want to put your faith in that chair and you believe that it will break, then you do not sit. But if you still want to sit, you have to place your faith in it.

If I want to walk in the ways of God, I have to believe that He will lead me and that He has the best for my life. Otherwise, I will live my own life, make my own decisions and need not have faith. If I put my faith in Him, I have to get out of His way. That is the hard thing to do. To put yourself in someone whom you cannot see when things are not turning out the way you want it to.

But I am determined to want to walk in His ways. Father draw me near to You so that my faith in You will not parish.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Your rod (which disciplines me) and Your staff (which guides me) will comfort me.

No Pure Joy

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 08:07:00 +0000

I read this in my devotion today and thought I should share... since I get blessed by it...

No matter how much we desire perfection and completeness, we need to embrace the fact of our limitations. In our broken world, things are less than what we would like them to be. And our own imperfections are writ large on all that we do. This need not drive us to despair. Nor should it prevent us from purposeful activity. We can still do what we must even when a totally satisfactory conclusion eludes us.

Nouwen reminds us that 'there is no such thing as clear-cut pure joy'. Our experience of love, no matter how loyal or ecstatic, is marked by selfishness and pain. Even our spiritual experiences do not yield the fruit of perfection. These experiences are frequently marred by doubt and guilt.

Such is our lot. We reach for the sky, but cannot inherit the earth. We long for the good, but frequently produce something that is a pale version of our best intentions. We are like a beautiful princess with feet of clay or like a powerful prince with a physical impediment. Made for God's highest intention, we sometimes fritter away our calling and opportunities. Made for greatness, we easily become side-tracked by our success and power. A profound sadness thus underlies our life.

But our sadness can be turned into joy. This is not a joy that comes from a perpetual striving but a joy that comes in the midst of our pain. It's the of being loved in spite of our imperfections. It's the joy that comes from forgiveness. It's the joy that comes as a gift that we don't deserve. It's the joy that comes as a surprise in spite of ourselves.

Thus in the midst of our pain we can celebrate. In the midst of our broken world we can still dance.

Give Thanks

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 10:45:00 +0000

I was suddenly reminded of a song which I have not sang for a long long while. Give Thanks. When I sang this song a long time ago, I remembered the thoughts that would flood my mind. I used to thank Him for what I had. For my car. For the money I had. For the things which I do not lack. Everytime I sang t his song (And it was very often that this song was sung), these will be my thoughts.

But today, as I sang it, my eyes were filled with tears. I no longer have my health. (At least for now). In fact, some days, I cannot even get out of bed. No longer can I buy what I wanted without thinking. Have to be careful with every cent I spend. Feeling like a Job, yet God reminded me to give thanks. Not because of what I had as possessions but because of Christ. Of the hope I have in Him. He has my heart and I have His.

It is difficult to give thanks in such circumstances. To thank Him for the hope I have when I can hardly see the light at the end of the tunnel. When I am walking in the valley. When I am in the desert place and there is no oasis in sight. Yet I shall Praise Him cause He is who He is. I shall still give thanks for I know these moments are precious to Him. Cause I know I am precious to Him.

I give thanks not because of what I have but because of what I have in Him. Of who I am in Him. He gave me the peace that surpasses all understanding. "He will keep me in perfect peace cause my hope and trust is in Him".

Give Thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy one
Give thanks because its given
Jesus Christ His Son

And now let the weak say I am strong
Let the poor say I am rich
because of what the Lord has done for us

This song brings new meaning to my soul. Truly I have lots to be thankful for.

Happy Father's Day

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 09:39:00 +0000

It's Father's day and of course we can't forget our Daddy in Heaven. So often we project our understanding of father to God. Understanding fatherhood, often from the view of our father, that is our understanding of God. He is a God whom we cannot comprehend. So He has to make us understand Him through our worldly understanding and knowledge. God choose an analogy of Father and son because the relationship between father and son is much closer than God and his people. When one says God loves his people, it does not mean much to us. But when one says God loves us as His son, it brings us so much closer to Him.

Yet, in the story of the prodigal son, Jesus tries to breaks the Jewish understanding of father and paints a picture of a father that is not their understanding of what a father should be. We should not limit God to what we understand fatherhood to be. I was contemplating upon this parable and noticed that the son after being with the swine for sometime, thought about his father's home and how his father's servants has more than what he has. So he was wanting to go back to serve in his father's house as a servant. He thought about what he was to say. Probably, he has to start off with something that would "buy" his father's heart. That is to say he was sorry and then ask for a favour once he has his dad on his side. After all, this is a trick that through many generations, children has been using. Say something that our parents wants to hear so that they discipline us less and hoping that it would soften their hearts so that we can get our way. This son wanted a job. A job that is better than staying with pigs.

But before he can say what he has rehearsed for so long, the father who saw him a long way away, ran to meet him. A man with stature and of age does not run. He has to probably hold up his robe to run to his son. Humiliating himself so that he can embrace his son. His son could be coming back to ask for more money or to hurt the father. He, the father does not know the motif of the son yet it does not matter. He is just glad to see him. His love for him is unconditional. So projects the love of the Father to us. Unconditional. It does not matter what we did. What our motif is for coming to Him. He will go all out to embrace us cause He cannot help Himself.

The love of the father caused the son to repent and caused him to change his attitude. The son did said what he recited... but only the first part. The part where he focused upon his own need does not seem important anymore. He did not ask the father if he can be a servant in his house. He just was sorry for what he did. Genuine repentance. A repentance that was touched by the love of the father.

When the realisation of the Father's love touch our hearts, it changes us. Caused us to see beyond our situation. Beyond our needs. Caused us to be able to rest in His arms.

Breaking the mindset of what a father should be. Poised, Authoratative, strict. Breaking the mindset of what unconditional love is. May we also get a revelation of this love in our life. A love that cause us to see God in a different light. Happy Father's Day.

Looking for a job?

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Mon, 18 May 2009 07:22:00 +0000

I read in the Singapore Straits Times, about how much church workers earn and that one of the church employee earn $500,000 last year. Their church could raise in one Sunday $19 Million for their church building. Who says that the Kingdom of God is poor and those who work for His kingdom often are called the "poor church mouse". I guess the church mouse in this church are far from poor. If you go to their website, they seem to be hiring. Unfortunately, no job positions which I can apply for :(

My "further education"

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Mon, 18 May 2009 06:50:00 +0000

I have been contemplating for a long time whether to continue on with my further studies in The Seminary. It has been two years since I have stopped and just could not make myself to continue on. But at last, I have finally decided it was time I pursue this and I am so glad that I did. I took "Biblical Interpretation" taught by Dr Lim Kar Yong and it was so good. It gave me a new passion for the Word. Seriously, the bible is so much more interesting. I salute all you Biblical scholars out there. You who have spent hours and hours doing reserch just so ordinary folks like me could pick off your "Brain".

This class we learnt exegetical methods, looked at historical cultural context and how it influences your veiw in reading the bible, applications etc. I must admit, the terms are very confusing and sometimes, most times mind blowing. But the result that you get is worth it. To find out the real meaning behind what the author intended when he was writing the book and the cultural and historical background. Really makes you see the word in a different light.

Dr.Lim made the class so interesting and often it was like listening to a sermon rather than teaching. Maybe that is his way of teaching. It is people like him that encourages me to grow deeper in my theology understanding. They inspire me. Hee hee. He has a blog. All theologeans seem to blog.

What's the Use of Religion?

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Sun, 10 May 2009 14:25:00 +0000

I read one of the comments an old friend of mine made on facebook. "Organised religion is for people who fear going to hell. Spirituality is for people who have gone to hell and back". She has had a tough life. She was a Christian but I guess the church was not with her in her time of need or crisis. It is so sad for someone who came from an "Organised religion" background to make such a comment. Where is the community and the love that we are to show? The people whom we are to embrace? Sometimes we tend to focus too much on evangelism that we are proud of the number of people we have in the church but what are we doing with the people who are already in the church? Do we even care for their well being? Do we even know where they live? Of course we know if they are single or married. That is the first thing people check out. Then of course the church members would "match make" the single with another. But do we know his/her struggles?

Often when someone is struggling, we would just push them to another "counselor" cause it is her job and never to embrace the person again until the person is "whole".

The other day, a friend of mine called me to say that he discovered that his cat (Bless him for owning a cat), delivered kittens but he found them all dead in the house. He was so upset. Me in my auto mode immediately tried to comfort him by saying "Try to look at the bright side". Such a cliche thing to say. Then after that try to avoid the subject altogether. Then I realised all this person needed was someone to hear him and to share his sorrows. To understand where he is and to have someone listen to him. We are quick to give answers in church and often not the solution that they are looking for. But we think we have "done our Job". Never wanting to give up that which is the most important to a hurting person. Time and love and acceptance.

Do we even dare to look outward if the inward is slipping away. It is like saying "God, I have another soul saved for you. Heaven must be rejoicing" but meanwhile, 10 more slip away through the back. I need to make a conscious afford to listen and to love. It is definitely not easy but it is definitely what Christ would want for us to do. Religion is not so that we fear to go to hell. It is about our journey of faith and obedience. It is about bringing hope to those who feel that they are living "hell" on earth. Showing them the Kingdom. Being His hands and His feet. God help me.

Church camp

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Wed, 06 May 2009 03:04:00 +0000

I just came back from our church camp. Probably this is one year that I have no expectations of it. Someone asked me so what do you expect out of camp... I cannot even remember what I answered. However, I did enjoy myself and God did speak to me.

I hung out with people whom I do not usually hang out with and it was really good. People whom we see in church but never really talk to. When you look around, you can see family. *sob* *sob*. It's quite a sight. The young and the old... they hung out together.

The message really spoke to me too. Its about intimacy and holiness. Many of us would have felt tired from serving over the years in the church and for some of its its because our serving is out of "duty" and not out of an intimate relationship with God.

There was a challenge to live a holy life. Not to quench the Holy Spirit in us. To watch what we say and do and what we allow into our lives. "Be Holy for He is Holy". We are not completely holy for if we are, as the speaker says, our name will be "GOD". We do however try to be. Not on own own strength but as we become intimate with Him, our character will change. Our mindset will change. It is so hard though... to set a standard for yourself. Especially in this day and age. It is not only about being different. It is about being holy. Being who He wants us to be. We have been too laid back in this matter.

Another thing which I got from the camp is that the purposes and the promises of God never change. That is both a comfort and an assurance. Having gone through so much in the past few years, God is still in control. More and more my confidence and my faith has been increasing. Maybe the wounds are healing. I can see a glimmer of light in the horizon. I have my ideas of what things are suppose to be but those ideas are smashed now. There is an excitement of what is to come. It's like going on one of those rides in movie world or disney land. Not knowing what will come next. It may be a sudden drop or a slow cruise but it will be a ride with Him in control. It does not matter so much what the end will look like anymore as long as the journey is with Him. It was a good camp.

Men....

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 02:20:00 +0000

I just watched the much talked after (by my youth) movie called twilight. Never really knew why the girls are so crazy about it. At least the youth girls. But now I know. It is about a vampire teenage boy who fell in love with a girl. He is cute (Not in the movie though), charming, romantic, strong and masculine. Masculine not in terms of muscles but he is a guy guy. One who really takes care and protects the girl he loves. Sometimes in the real world, it is often the girl who protects the guys.

I have heard comments from guys saying "the girl scares me. She is too successful. She is too dominant. She is too driven"

I have heard comments from girls saying "Guys are sissies nowadays. He should be a man. He is a man and should be more masculine. "

So tough to be a guy in this day and age. If he is too gentle, they are called sissies. If they are too tough, they are branded too egoistical. But it is true that many of the managerial roles are now filled by women. Women who seems stronger than men. More capable. More driven. Takes more initiatives. Even these girls who seem so dominant, when you talk with then, they would want their partner to "Wear the pants" because this is who we are. Who God created us to be. To be under the leadership of men. To be the help-mate of men. Not that we are less than men but just being different in our make up.

Perhaps the gender roles are changing and girls are trying to be males. Trying to be equal to take the roles of males. Including being the head of the house. Can't blame them. Pressure of society. When males do not step up to their roles. Not in every case though.

Maybe I am a traditional girl. Still believe that guys must do the chasing and that a girl have to give space for him to be him. Not "mother" over him. Someone told me the other day that this is the 20th century and girls can make the first move. Hrmm..

I was reading a book by Elisabeth Elliot and in there was a letter that one of her readers wrote to her.

" I have read Passion and Purity and your books on masculinity and femininity(the Mark of a Man and Let Me be A Woman). My heart absolutely leaps with excitement in agreement with the things you say. That's the way it should be!! Unfortunately, I am finding out that that's not the way it is. Instead of men being strong in the Lord. leaders, hunters, taking the initiative (Their God ordained role), they are becoming weak, insecure, afraid of rejection and not wanting to take risk - even to make a simple phone call or invitation. I want to believe in God's order, but where is it anymore? I get so confused with what I am suppose to do or not do, I am ready to forget this whole dating and getting acquainted business. Where's the persistence, the determination to win a girl's heart and t rust, cost what it will? Where's the peace, surety, confidence, fun, anticipation? Do we have to become aggressive because men aren't?"

A guy once said "I will fight anyone for you" but he too gave up against the slightest competition. Too afraid to pursue in case he would loose. That would have been tragic for him.

Times have certainly changed since the time of Elisabeth Elliot but I have to agree with her though that girls are created differently than guys. That girls should be girls and guys should be guys. Over the years, God did not change His mind about this and create girls to be stronger then guys. Eph 5:23-24. Husband is still the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church.

So in my journey, continues this quest for love. Perhaps that is why I am still single. Waiting for someone who is has gone extinct? So many girls I know who are waiting for the same thing. Maybe I am living in a fairytale of my own.

SO Many Questions

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 08:52:00 +0000

There are so many questions in my mind. Maybe too many for my own good. As an impatient person, I keep asking "When..." or "Why is it happening this way..." or "How come I have to... " "Why the wait...." Perhaps these questions are not so important to my Christian walk. That is why God is still silent. Or perhaps He is teaching me patience... but I long to know!!! Maybe if I were to know... maybe life will not be so painful or hard?

I suppose Job has had many questions too. Sudden death of all his children. Lost of his wealth. His health. I would have tons of questions if I were Job. A man who walked in the ways of God. Who see himself blameless in his own eyes... Why all these calamities? But in the end, it is recognising that God is supreme and Lord. Looking at Him rather than at what is right in his own eyes... that was the heart that God seeks after. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Thou art with me. Your rod and your staff they comfort me.

Why do I have so many questions? To satisfy my own desires? To prove that I am right? To know what is ahead of me? To fill my self righteousness? Maybe my questions are the wrong questions. Maybe it should be more tuned towards God and what He is doing in my life. After all, He is still Lord of my life.

I kept singing this song by Tim Hughes...

I've got questions Without answers
I've known sorrow I have known pain
But there's one thing That I'll cling to
You are faithful, Jesus you're true

When hope is lost I'll call you Saviour
When pain surrounds I'll call you healer
When silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
My defender forevermore.

I will praise you, I will praise you
When the tears fall still I will sing to you
I will praise you, Jesus praise you
Though the suffering still I will sing.

Silent Retreat

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 05:48:00 +0000

I have just recently signed up for a silent retreat. My first. I do not know what to expect but I have been trying by myself to have times of silent and it is such a discipline. Maybe that is why it is recommended in the book of "Spiritual discipline". It should be a lifestyle more than a discipline.

Being silent and meditating upon Him and His word creates an environment where we come closer to Him and that is what I long to do. Be a Mary in this Martha world. As someone has put it.

Joyce Hugget once wrote:

"Christian meditation has nothing to do with emptying our minds. Christian meditation engages every part of us -our mind, our emotions, our imagination, our creativity, and, supremely, our will."

Choosing to meditate and to be silent is to actually fill oneself with and to be intimately attached to the object of your meditation. Not like how the new ager would meditate - freeing one's mind for nothingness. In the book of Joshua, it tells us to "meditate on His word day and night so that we may be care careful to do everything written in it. Then we will be prosperous and successful." So that scripture becomes ingrained in us. So that it draws us closer to God.

"We bask in the warmth of his love. We feel his gaze on us. He fills us afresh with his Spirit. We receive a new perspective on life - his perspective. We draw so close to his heart that we sense his concern for the world, and from our contemplation flows intercession as we catch his compassion for a hurting world."
Joyce Huggett

So I shall be going to this silent retreat for 5 days. I am a bit excited. But I should not wait for retreats to mediate on Him and His word or be silent. Cultivating a culture that is not my own.

Beauty

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 03:39:00 +0000

Someone just sent me this to confirm my previous post about beauty on the inside. Why do people prefer the photoshopped version? Everyone is trying to look like film stars and models.

Beauty on the inside

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 03:19:00 +0000

I have read this article about Susan Boyle. The lady who shocked the whole world for her talent. Shocked because she looked ordinary and plain. Yet has such a tremendous voice. When she sang, I actually cried. Our world has put such emphasis upon the outward appearance that most girls chase after. Die after. The famous saying of "inward beauty is better than outward appearance" will always remain just a saying. In reality, girls and even guys are always chasing after the outward appearance. This is because there is such tremendous pressure from the world. The belief that beauty will get you further. Better boyfriends/girlfriends. Better prospect and job. Giving attention to the outward rather than the inward. Even Christians, we tend to judge others by appearance. Here is the article...

The beauty that matters is always on the inside
COLETTE DOUGLAS HOME April 14 2009

Susan Boyle's story is a parable of our age. She is a singer of enormous talent, who cared for her widowed mother until she died two years ago. Susan's is a combination of ability and virtue that deserves congratulation.

So how come she was treated as a laughing stock when she walked on stage for the opening heat of Britain's Got Talent 2009 on Saturday night?

The moment the reality show's audience and judging panel saw the small, shy, middle-aged woman, they started to smirk. When she said she wanted a professional singing career to equal that of Elaine Paige, the camera showed audience members rolling their eyes in disbelief. They scoffed when she told Simon Cowell, one of the judges, how she'd reached her forties without managing to develop a singing career because she hadn't had the opportunity. Another judge, Piers Morgan, later wrote on his blog that, just before she launched into I Dreamed a Dream, the 3000-strong audience in Glasgow was laughing and the three judges were suppressing chuckles.
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It was rude and cruel and arrogant. Susan Boyle from Blackburn, West Lothian, was presumed to be a buffoon. But why?

Britain's Got Talent isn't a beauty pageant. It isn't a youth opportunity scheme. It is surely about discovering untapped and unrecognised raw talent from all sections of society.

And Susan Boyle has talent to burn. Such is the beauty of her voice that she had barely sung the opening bars when the applause started. She rounded off to a standing ovation and - in her naivety - began walking off the stage and had to be recalled.

Susan, now a bankable discovery, was then roundly patronised by such mega-talents as Amanda Holden and the aforementioned Morgan, who told her: "Everyone laughed at you but no-one is laughing now. I'm reeling with shock." Holden added: "It's the biggest wake-up call ever."

Again, why?

The answer is that only the pretty are expected to achieve. Not only do you have to be physically appealing to deserve fame; it seems you now have to be good-looking to merit everyday common respect. If, like Susan (and like millions more), you are plump, middle-aged and too poor or too unworldly to follow fashion or have a good hairdresser, you are a non-person.

I dread to think of how Susan would have left the stage if her voice had been less than exceptional. She would have been humiliated in front of 11 million viewers. It's the equivalent of being put in the stocks in front of the nation instead of the village. It used to be a punishment handed out to criminals. Now it is the fate of anyone without obvious sexual allure who dares seek opportunity.

This small, brave soul took her courage in her hands to pitch at her one hope of having her singing talent recognised, and was greeted with a communal sneer. Courage could so easily have failed her.

Yet why shouldn't she sound wonderful? Not every great singer looks like Katherine Jenkins. Edith Piaf would never have been chosen to strut a catwalk. Nor would Nina Simone, nor Ella Fitzgerald. As for Pavarotti But then ridicule is nothing new in Susan Boyle's life. She is a veteran of abuse. She was starved of oxygen at birth and has learning difficulties as a result. At school she was slow and had frizzy hair. She was bullied, mostly verbally. She told one newspaper that her classmates' jibes left behind the kind of scars that don't heal.

She didn't have boyfriends, is a stranger to romance and has never been kissed. "Shame," she said. Singing was her life-raft.

She lived with her parents in a four-bedroom council house and, when her father died a decade ago, she cared for her mother and sang in the church choir.

It was an unglamorous existence. She wasn't the glamorous type - and being a carer isn't a glamorous life, as the hundreds of thousands who do that most valuable of jobs will testify. Even those who start out with a beauty routine and an interest in clothes find themselves reverting to the practicality of a tracksuit and trainers. Fitness plans get interrupted and then abandoned. Weight creeps on. Carers don't often get invited to sparkling dinner parties or glitzy receptions, so smart clothes rarely make it off the hanger.

Then, when a special occasion comes along, they might reach, as Susan did, for the frock they bought for a nephew's wedding. They might, as she did, compound the felony of choosing a colour at odds with her skin tone and an unflattering shape with home-chopped hair, bushy eyebrows and a face without a hint of make-up. But it is often evidence of a life lived selflessly; of a person so focused on the needs of another that they have lost sight of themselves. Is that a cause for derision or a reason for congratulation? Would her time have been better spent slimming and exercising, plucking and waxing, bleaching and botoxing? Would that have made her voice any sweeter?

Susan Boyle's mother encouraged her to sing. She wanted her to enter Britain's Got Talent. But the shy Susan hasn't been able to sing at all since her mother's death two years ago. She wasn't sure how her voice would emerge after so long a silence. Happily, it survived its rest.

She is a gift to Simon Cowell and reality television. Her story is the stuff of Hans Christian Andersen: the woman plucked from obscurity, the buried talent uncovered, the transformation waiting to be wrought.

It is wonderful for her, too, that her stunning voice is now recognised. A bright future beckons. Her dream is becoming reality.

Susan is a reminder that it's time we all looked a little deeper. She has lived an obscure but important life. She has been a companionable and caring daughter. It's people like her who are the unseen glue in society; the ones who day in and day out put themselves last. They make this country civilised and they deserve acknowledgement and respect.

Susan has been forgiven her looks and been given respect because of her talent. She should always have received it because of the calibre of her character.

Susan Boyle from Britain's Got Talent

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 03:10:00 +0000

Here is an interview with Susan Boyle

Is Lent Biblical?

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 07:37:00 +0000

I have always wondered about traditions, icons and practices. So many which is not mentioned in the bible. But why do we still hold on to the practices faithfully? Is it a stumbling block of mere practices. Works without faith? But lately I have grown to enjoy such traditions and practices. Meditations and icons. Thanks to my STM lecturer. Not that I have changed my believe in God. Perhaps changed my "denomination". LOL. I found the below from the internet and I think it explains it very well.

When someone asks “Is Lent biblical?,” the answer depends on what you mean by “biblical.” If you mean “Does the Bible specifically require Christians to practice Lent?,” then the answer is “no.” Of course in that sense of the term, customs such as church choirs or Sunday school would also be “not biblical.” But if you mean “Is the practice of Lent founded on biblical principles,” then the answer is certainly “yes.” The three main practices of Lent from ancient times have been reflection on the significance of Christ’s death along with prayers of repentance and confession, fasting as a means to focus more wholly on God, and giving to assist the poor. All of these are very biblical practices. We are not required to do them specifically during the 40 days prior to Easter, but we can benefit adopting some of the customs of earlier generations of Christians all the way back to the 2nd century.

At this point I should also make it clear that Lenten practices, like any spiritual disciplines, do not make us acceptable to God. We are acceptable to God only through coming to Him by faith on the basis of Christ’s death on the cross for our sins (Eph. 2:8-9). Spiritual disciplines are means through which God works in our lives helping us to grow to spiritual maturity, which is being conformed to the character of Christ (Eph. 4:13; Rom. 8:29). Thus, these practices are for our benefit, and not a way to “earn” anything from God. Sometimes Christians in earlier generations lost sight of this fact.

God is Silent

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 07:08:00 +0000

God has been so silent. Did not even hear Him breathe. But His presence does not depend on my feelings. Certainly not upon my unbelieve. God is not present if I believe that He exist. He is not Absent when I do not believe in Him. He is still there and He is still God.

Someone once said that "we need the conscious presence of other people to become sensitive to God's presence". I saw Him in the faces of people when they worship. I saw a glimpse of him in the testimonies given by others. I saw Him when I was reading. I saw him in creation. In the photos that I took. In nature when I was observing. He is definitely there but He is still silent. I am dying to hear from Him but He is still silent.

Perhaps it is enough to know that He is everywhere that I look. Everywhere that I turn to. He is with me. My silent care giver. My silent comforter. My silent Father. For whatever reason I am not hearing Him, I trust that He is leading me in this journey.

Some of my photos which helps me see the beauty of creation.

Goodbye

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:33:00 +0000

My grandma passed away 1 and a half weeks ago. She was my last surviving... not anymore.. grandparent. I always remember her as someone who loves Jesus and she is one of the very first person in my life to introduce Jesus to me. Not that she ever taught me about Him or spoke to me about him. She brought me to her hokkien speaking church (which I did not understand a word of what the pastor was speaking anyway) but it was her life that showed me her faith and who Jesus was. She would always pray for us and we would often laugh at her, my cousins and I and commented "there she goes again". She would be praying at the dinner table while we wait anxiously for her to finish so that we could finally eat. She would also ask for our addresses and car number plate so that when she prayed, she would tell Jesus where to look for us. It is true. SHe kept a book of our particulars so that she couold take out and pray during her free time. But that is her faith.

I believe that now, most of her children and grandchildren are Christians as a result of her prayers. Now we would all sit down at the dinner table and my uncle or my dad would pray. No longer laughing at her faith. But thankful. Thankful for such a legacy. Thankful for the heart that she has passed on.

I have written a poem for her. Truly, this is her life...

Looking back through the years

Joy and laughter cause my eyes to tear

Family members I hold so dear

Blessings from God through the years

A husband who loves me ever so dear

Nine children gives meaning to life here

Grand and great children adding joy through the years

A life so fulfilled, my journey does not end here

Truly her journey does not end here. It ended on earth but it has just begun in Heaven

Truth

noreply@blogger.com (Janelle) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 06:51:00 +0000

Once upon a time a visitor came to the monastery looking for the purpose and meaning of life.

The Teacher said to the visitor, "If what you seek is Truth, there is one thing you must have above all else."

"I know," the visitor said. "To find Truth I must have an overwhelming passion for it."

"No," the Teacher said. "In order to find Truth, you must have an unremitting readiness to admit you may be wrong."