My journey...

I was watching an interview of Peter Maiden, Director Of OM international and when asked him what does he think that God's strategy of missions is, his answer was "We can talk about people groups strategies, wholistics strategies, but I am convinced that God's major strategy is the holiness of the lives of His people around the world."

This makes sense because like the famous saying goes "People do not care how much you know till they know how much you care." Our lifestyle is the message. It is not about strategies or methods. It is about our relationship with the Father that will cause us to live differently. When they see us, they see Christ.

I was talking to a friend the other day over lunch and she said that she had a friend who thinks that Christians are very stupid people. To believe in such a God. Cause the message did not make sense to him. Saved by grace? Then he went to church and he encountered real people. People who are working professionals yet their life is so different. They are not stupid people who believe blindly. And it is their life style that touched him and now he is a Christian.

Even when we go on mission trips. It is the love of God that will touch the hearts of the people. The love of God for them. To reach out to those whom others see as outcasts. To care for those whom others reject.

God teach me more of Your holiness. What does it really mean? To be holy is much more than being good. Abstaining from doing good. God is holy and perhaps to be holy is to be more like Him. No wonder in life, there are so many storms. It is through the storms in life that God polishes us from the inside.

I just came back from Cameron Highlands and you can go crazy with seeing strawberry everywhere.... They come fresh, canned, preserved, bottled... they have strawberry flavor ice-cream, vitamins, sweets, toothpaste, milk shakes, scones, muffins, pancakes.... even shampoo and air-freshener.

Strawberry Shampoo

Shampoo for kids

Clock

Jelly crystals

Pencil Cases

Umbrellas

Jewelery Box

Mugs and vases and containers

Clocks

Fancy boxes

Even crocs

Nestle Milk powder

Cake mixtures

Sour+ sweets

Photo frames

Pen holders

Breath strips

Lip Gloss

Chewing gum

Juicy fruit chewing gum

sugus

strawberry jam with peanut butter

Panadol??

Vitamin C

Of course in jam

Even Nivea has strawberry flavoured lip gloss

the range of sweets

Jelly

Chocolates

Cookies

marshmallow

Ice-cream... yummy

painting on the wall of the bathroom

Cereal

more sweets

mentos

slippers

hats

bags

Yes, even soaps

fridge magnets

Strawberry concentrate

hersheys strawberry syrup

with honey

paper bags for you to put your strawberry products in

Chocolate coated whole strawberry

pillows

plates

preserved

wafers

Homemade jams

air-fresheners

towels

toothpaste

tea

note-book

Read This article about Mother Theresa and how she had 50 years of darkness in her life where she did not feel the presence of God. I have no doubt that God has been with her yet one cannot understand the desolation that we have to go through. The times of loneliness that God places in our lives. Yet in those times when God seems far away, deep within her she knows there is a God. Later she learned that our walk is not based on feelings alone. Yet every morning she still communes with Christ without fail. She wrote "Your happiness is all I want."

Yet many Christians still believe that as Christians, we should have no struggles and we should let the world know how wonderful it is to became a Christian without pain or struggle. Mother Theresa still kept to herself her struggles and was afraid to let anyone know of her struggles lest they have a wrong perception of Christ. She requested to destroy her letters that showed her weakness. Because as Christians we are told that as Christians we are Christ's ambassadors. When they see us, they see Christ. Mother Theresa wrote "when people see the letters, people will think more of me and less of Jesus." I admire her heart. That though she was in the desert place for so many years, her love for God remained strong. It did not deter her to give up. But is it the fault of the church that taught us as Christians, we are to hold our head high and walk through the storms? As though nothing has happened? We should never show weakness cause weakness is of the devil?


So much emphasis in our Christian walk is placed upon what we can do for Christ but not much about who we are in Him. Just that we are suppose to be overcomers. Suddenly when we accept Christ we becomes "Super humans." We never share about our struggles cause we think it shows weakness. People will think that we are not walking right with God.

Do not get me wrong. It is wonderful to be a Christian. I will never turn back. But I do have struggles. The pain is real. But I have Christ. Who walks with me. Though I do not feel Him most of the time, my faith allows me to believe He is there with me. We are still human in the flesh though we are redeemed. We read of bible heroes but which one does not have their own struggle? They are heroes cause they believed in God though they struggle. They held on to their faith and learn to trust God who is able. In our weakness we are made strong. David wrote "My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word." "My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life"

Yesterday, I was reminded that in our struggle we find Christ to be more real in our lives. Psalm 119:71 "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I may learn your decrees"

Below just some bits from the CNN time. You can find the whole write up here.

That absence (of feeling the presence of God) seems to have started at almost precisely the time she began tending the poor and dying in Calcutta, and — except for a five-week break in 1959 — never abated. Although perpetually cheery in public, the Teresa of the letters lived in a state of deep and abiding spiritual pain. In more than 40 communications, many of which have never before been published, she bemoans the "dryness," "darkness," "loneliness" and "torture" she is undergoing. She compares the experience to hell and at one point says it has driven her to doubt the existence of heaven and even of God. She is acutely aware of the discrepancy between her inner state and her public demeanor. "The smile," she writes, is "a mask" or "a cloak that covers everything." Similarly, she wonders whether she is engaged in verbal deception. "I spoke as if my very heart was in love with God — tender, personal love," she remarks to an adviser.

"If you were [there], you would have said, 'What hypocrisy.'" Says the Rev. James Martin, an editor at the Jesuit magazine America and the author of My Life with the Saints, a book that dealt with far briefer reports in 2003 of Teresa's doubts: "I've never read a saint's life where the saint has such an intense spiritual darkness. No one knew she was that tormented." Recalls Kolodiejchuk, Come Be My Light's editor: "I read one letter to the Sisters [of Teresa's Missionaries of Charity], and their mouths just dropped open. It will give a whole new dimension to the way people understand her."

The church anticipates spiritually fallow periods. Indeed, the Spanish mystic St. John of the Cross in the 16th century coined the term the "dark night" of the soul to describe a characteristic stage in the growth of some spiritual masters. Teresa's may be the most extensive such case on record. (The "dark night" of the 18th century mystic St. Paul of the Cross lasted 45 years; he ultimately recovered.) Yet Kolodiejchuk sees it in St. John's context, as darkness within faith. Teresa found ways, starting in the early 1960s, to live with it and abandoned neither her belief nor her work. Kolodiejchuk produced the book as proof of the faith-filled perseverance that he sees as her most spiritually heroic act.

It raises questions about God and faith, the engine behind great achievement, and the persistence of love, divine and human. That it does so not in any organized, intentional form but as a hodgepodge of desperate notes not intended for daylight should leave readers only more convinced that it is authentic — and that they are, somewhat shockingly, touching the true inner life of a modern saint.

Was in Bangkok recently and had some time to think about my life and my walk. Though did not have great revelation but it was a good time to have spent with God. Just to know I am loved and that He is my very core. Though all around me is like sinking sand, on Christ the solid rock I stand.

Read something in Henri Nouwen's book which writes.....

We are far more secular, pragmatic, rationalistic and achievement-orientated than we would like to think. We are frequently 'the children of this age'. We have absorbed far more of the values of this age than we have recognised. We strive for similar ideals. And frequently live out similar values.

This is so because we have not taken sufficient heed that the spiritual life has to do with the heart of existence. The attention we give to the spiritual life is frequently marginal. It is concerned with special religious activities, but not with lifestyle. It is concerned with worship but not with values. Its focus is blessing and not commitment. Its concern is prayer, but not service.

The spiritual life, however, has nothing to do with touching the edges of our lives. Its values does not lie in transforming the periphery of who we are. its purpose is not simply to add some extra qualities to our lives. The spiritual life has to do with the very core of our existence. The inner life is not a quiet inner sanctuary that remains segregated from the more central and mundane aspects of our lives. The spiritual life is transformative. It challenges us at the very center of our being and seeks to permeate every facet of our existence.

It is strange that we give the dynamism so little attention. It is frequently seen as the luxury of the few, rather than the passion of the many. It is seen as the preoccupation of the few rather than the norm for the many. Yet those who give development of the inner life its true priority will not be found wanting in virtue, strength, vision and purpose.

I read something like the above and I automatically say "I want it". to develop my inner life. But then I stop. Where do I start? Drawing near to God. Slowly perhaps I am understanding that in developing that inner life is to find who we really are. The root of that is to find our identity. From there springs a core value and starts to transform who we are from the inside. So where do I start. From a desire to want it. The rest is up to God to lead and guide cause I do not know how. I seem to be waiting and searching and longing for such a long time.

Our whole church system does not teach or lead us to this inner life. No wonder it is not a norm of many. Cause once we are saved, we are brought into this pattern of worship more important than values. Religious activities more important than lifestyle. Prayer meetings more important than service outside church.

I wrote in my facebook that I feel like I have been stuck to a wall with guey and sticky stuff and God is now wanting to remove me from there and He is ripping me off the wall but the sticky stuff still holds me back and it is painful as He rips me off. Some parts still sticks to me. Some parts still unwilling to let go. Like a scene from a Sci-fi movie. I feel like He is removing an "old" church system in my life and replacing it.... with.... Something I am yet to discover. Sometimes it is not the world system that we have to contend with but the church system. So sad.